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You know what? I know your pain. We are having a destination wedding and kind of thought that it would be in poor taste to register but once we posted our wedding site and explained that we weren't registering people kind of blew up. There are a ton of people who can't come who want to send gifts. I understand and appreciate that but it feels very snotty to say "Spend $1,000 on flight and hotel to come to my wedding and please bring me a blender!"
We didn't register. We suggested that people make a donation to Heifer International if they felt like they wanted to do something to commemorate the occassion. We got maybe 5 gifts (140 people invited) and everyone else donated or didn't do anything.
Honestly, I'm sure some people will say you should register or your guests will be frustrated, but frankly, I think that's a load of crap. If you don't want to register, don't.
I'm not really digging registries either. I don't need fine china, and we have almost everything we need already, and since we're doing a destination wedding we don't really expect people to bring gifts. I think we may register for a few things to appease the more traditional members of the famiily, and then register for a Honeymoon fund where people can contribute if they'd like to our honeymoon.
See, we also have everything we could possibly need! We both have our own places that are fully stocked. We just want to buy a new house. Lol. We have everything to go in it!
I think it's a good idea to address the gift issue one way or another. I personally feel really weird not giving a gift, but if it's made absolutely clear to me that the couple doesn't want any then I'll respect that. But I've been to a wedding where no info was given at all (e.g. no registry, no direction about donations), and even though it was 6 years ago I still wonder if I did the right thing (I got a gift I thought they'd like from Crate and Barrell which was pretty convenient to where they lived and attached the gift receipt so they could return/exchange if they wanted to). I knew they both liked to cook so I figure they'd find soemthing there.
Anyway, it might depend a bit on your social circle, but in mine I kind of think everyone expects to give gifts. So it's good to come straight out and say something. You might consider, also, asking for some sort of non-material thing so that people can still feel like they are doing something to welcome you to your marriage. Like including an extra card in the invitation for people to write down marriage advice or wishes. Or maybe a recipe that could be turned into a nice book...which still fits the theme of getting you ready for a life together. Everyone is different, but I suspect there is at least a subset of people who will want to do something for you both...so offering some options can be helpful.
You don't have to register if you don't want to. But, people will want to buy you gifts. And they will just have to guess what you like and then you will have to deal with it/deal with returning it.
Depending on your reasons for not registering, you may want to select a few charities that people could donate to instead. That way they would be satisfied because they are giving you something, but you wouldn't have to deal with unwanted gifts.
You certainly don't have to have a registry but I would suggest some kind of alternative (asking for donations for a charity is a great idea) b/c people want to do something for you - whether you want them to or not.
It also depends on your family/circle of friends. Are they gifters? Do people want to reciprocate what you or your parents have done for them?
My mom basically explained that we were going to get gifts so we might as well give people an idea of our taste so we don't get random ugly stuff we can't return. She was absolutely right! Our pretty large registry practically cleared out for our engagement party. We need to go back before for the shower/wedding.
I think you need to think about what works for your guests AND you as a couple - then come to a decision.
If you don't register, you run the risk of getting all kinds of random things that don't go together. Of course, if you DO register you get the extra headache of pondering why people would buy you something that 1) wasn't on your registry and 2) doesn't match anything on your registry. You really can't win with wedding presents. It's too bad you can't say "Gift cards and cash only, please!"
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I think it's totally OK if you don't register. You could just put a blurb somewhere (and word of mouth) that you already have what you need and are just saving towards the down payment on a house. There's a tactful way, somehow, to say that, so that people know you don't want gifts. People will send you something, be it a check or a random present though. You can set up funds though. Since you aren't registering for gfits, I think it's acceptable to stick that on your website that you have a "house fund" or something like that. People do it for their honeymoon, why not? Regardless if you feel that's too tacky (and it depends on a lot of things I think...I'd feel weird doing it but i know people do it!) i think people will still send you *something*. What that *something* is though..hmmm. Charities are nice, too. You could set up your site to do a few of those and then on your website comment that you WANT to buy a new house. Some people will get the hint....have your FMIL spread the word or something like that so it isn't YOU, she's just saying that that's what you guys would PROBABLY like the most. You know, in HER opinion
It's fine if you don't want to register, but I think you need to give your guests some sort of direction, as they will want to give something. Pick your favorite charity and ask that they donate to that, in lieu of gifts for you. It is perfectly acceptable (& admirable!) to do that!
We dont want to register either, we think if we dont then people would just give cash
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I just don't want to register. Is that ok? I'm not into it at all.
Does everyone register? What will people think if I don't?
Hmm.
Wedding is October 24th this year