(Closed) I don't want to ruin my sister's wedding…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@ZebraPrintMe:  OMG YOU are NOT being selfish.  Get the tattoo, send out invites for your wedding in Feb/March 2015 and let your mom know you’re planning your wedding!  These people should not control your lives!

 

….It appears I’m running out of patience this Friday afternoon…. lol

Post # 4
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I don’t see how four months makes a difference in
a.) being able to afford your wedding (are you waiting for money to come in from something?) OR
b.) not enough time between yours and your sister’s.

Would most of your guests be travelling from out of town? If your sister isn’t ready to book a date, I don’t see why you can’t book yours first. Just because she isn’t ready, why the heck should you have to wait. Your Mum isn’t helping things at all, by saying that people won’t attend hers- what a load of crap. (Unless, for example, all of your relatives are coming from Australia, etc., and it would be a major expense.)

 

Post # 5
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

@ZebraPrintMe:  The way I see is she has had 4 years to figure it out. I think whoever chose their date first should get it. Or just have it when you want it, it’s a small affair and whether or not people show up to yours, hers or both is their problem.

I’m also having a small wedding in 2015 and my sister is having a big traditional wedding this summer so I get the whole idea that hers seems more important. A lot of times it seems like everyone views hers as a “real” wedding more so than mine. So if you and your FI are doing all the planning and financing then have it whenever you damn well please.

Post # 6
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yeah, you get ONE day for your wedding. Not a month, not a year. Plan the wedding you want, when you want it.

Post # 8
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

@ZebraPrintMe:  Wow, you are NOT being selfish! I completely agree with @mchitt329:  Plan your wedding how you want it, when you want it. Your sister has waited 4 years to have cosmetic surgery, that was her choice, not yours. You don’t have to plan around her because she made that decision! If you’re not expecting much in the way of help for your planning (monitary or otherwise) I’d just tell your family that while you’ve done your best to find a solution that will make everyone happy, you just cant. So here’s what you’re doing and you hope everyone can get on board and be as excited about YOUR wedding as they are for your SISTERS!

Post # 10
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@ZebraPrintMe:  Gotcha. Then you’re talking five months, Feb-July…*almost* half a year. Not selfish in any way.

Post # 11
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ZebraPrintMe:  My FSIL’s sister got engaged, then FSIL and FI’s brother got engaged in December, a cousin announced she was having a baby, the sister got married in February, we got engaged in April, the cousin had the baby in August, the FSIL/FBIL got married in October, a first cousin got married in November, the sister just got pregnant, and we are getting married in April. Even ALL THAT is not too much. People are still excited about our wedding. We are still excited about our wedding. You will be fine. 

It is totally normal that you are worried though. I was flipping out at the beginning too about all that stuff being too close together. But now that all the other weddings are done, I get to go last! Woohoo! I get to see what I didn’t like about what everyone else did and do it differently. PLUS I get hand me down stuff like the card box and table numbers and it’s saving us money. You might even be able to use your sister’s veil as your something borrowed. 

So I can’t tell you what you should do about letting her go first, or going first yourself. But if I were you I would do whatever would cause the least family drama. In the end you’ll both be married. If no one has put any deposits down yet, it might be a nice gesture to just let her go first and then sit at home quietly smiling to yourself about how you took the high road.

Post # 12
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ZebraPrintMe:  At some point, you’ve just gotta live your life.  I’m usually an advocate for listening to and respective your family, but your sister doesn’t get a whole year to get married, nor does she get to decide when you have kids or if you tattoo yourself. 

I’m also curious as to why she had to push her wedding back two years – I’ve never heard of a single surgery that takes 2 years to recovery from (rehab from a bad injury sure, but not a cosmetic proceedure).  Can’t she push her wedding to October?  Or move it ahead if it is such an imposition?

Post # 13
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yeah, your mom is nuts.   February or March is PLENTY far away from July…heck, it’s one to TWO seasons away from the month your sis wants to marry!  And since you’re having a more intimate affair, you’ll have less repeat guests between the two of you.

Also – your sister needs to sh*t or get off the pot.  She doesn’t get to claim all year every year until she finally decides to pull the trigger on getting married.

And next time she tells you in what order to have a baby/get married, you should tell her to take her own advice.

Post # 14
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Fox Hill Inn

@ZebraPrintMe:  Oh my gosh, your sister has been engaged for 4 years and still hasn’t set a solid date? Book your wedding for when you want it. Her date may change again and then it would be a moot point (and you won’t get the date you want!).

Do you have a lot of out of town guests that would be going to both weddings? Even if you do, they seem spaces apart enough.

Have you discussed this 1-1 with your sister or are you using your mom as your go-between? I don’t know your relationship with your sister, but perhaps that might help to see how she feels about her date and if there’s any flexibility there either?

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