Post # 1
Okay, here’s the deal:
Loverboy and I have been talking engagement for a while … and he said he will be proposing to me after boot camp … now boot camp is being delayed unnecessarily thanks to a DUI he received this past January. Basically, things would have been fine but he missed an ARD class taking me to the hospital in May because he’s amazing … and now his parents are fronting him the money for the attorney putting off probabtion longer which puts off enlistment … on top of that he went to the eyedoctor yesterday and found out the vision in his left eye has worsened GREATLY and he has astigmatism. This could also affect his joining the military (which is really what he wants to do) and he’s considering lasik eye surgery to ensure he can get in …
My problem with all of this?!?!?! THE FURTHER AWAY BOOT CAMP IS THE FURTHER AWAY OUR ENGAGEMENT AND EVENTUAL MARRIAGE IS! I know that sounds awful … I know the wedding and such shouldn’t matter … but see … I want it to be official … I’m just over having a boyfriend and being his girlfriend … ya know?
What’s worse is when I got all quiet and loverboy pulled out of me the real reason I was less-than-thrilled … he said “well, we’ll just go to a justice of the peace and get it over with.” Great. Hrmph. Thanks. I wouldn’t mind going to a courthouse to get married and all … but I really really really have my heart set on a nice reception …
I guess this post doesn’t have a great point or any real questions … but I needed someone to talk to about all of this and I know the hive is always good to vent out frustrations … so thanks for reading gals (and guys)!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’m sorry!!! 🙁
That’s all I got. But it sucks!
Post # 4
HIVE HUGS for you, Alisha!
It’s a tough situation to be in, for sure. To want something SO BADLY but to have to be patient about it is hard.
Add to that the fact that many men don’t fully understand how important weddings are to many women. Yes, the marriage is the point but to be able to celebrate it with beloved friends and family in a way that is beautiful and memorable to you is so important, too.
No read advice here but we do understand. Hang in there. I’m sure that some not so far away day I’ll see an “I’m engaged!” post from you!
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
UGH, so frustrating!! I’m so sorry, I’ve totally been there and it blows! It’s not being selfish to want something definite after a lot of talk…It does suck that there’s not really much your BF can do at this point…(((HUGS))) Have you talked to him about not wanting to wait until after bootcamp, since it’s being pushed back further and further? Why does he need to wait until after bootcamp, anyways?
Post # 6
I am sorry you are going through all this! But, having it be official and being tired of being GF/BF is not a reason to get engaged/married. Just give him time to get through all this court stuff and then reevaluate where he stands. That has to be a lot to deal with and quite costly too from what I heard. I know its frustrating waiting and wondering when, especially when things happen that seem to further defer things, but really you never know. I will tell you that when DH and I discussed engagement time, he said he really wanted to do it after graduation from the academy and when he landed a job. Turned out, being an officer is not his main thing anymore and with the economy and state budgets, I was worried he would never find anything, but did not matter. He proposed a few months later when I least expected it. But, really I was more worried about him finding his goals and what he wanted when it came down to it then getting a ring. Don’t worry about the ring, you guys can be official with out it. Just enjoy each other and keep supporting each other the way you are and you will get through this! Good Luck!
Post # 7
It’s not that the only reason I want to get married is to stop being bf/gf … ya know? It’s just one of those things that eventually irks me as well and starts to drive me crazy eventually! loverboy isn’t set then out pushing things off until after boot camp anymore …it may actually make sense before then since I have benefits and the job he has now doesn’t (especially if he’s doing this lasik thing).
I’m just frustrated/annoyed. Thanks guys!
Post # 8
I feel the same way! My bf had all these goals that he wanted to acheive before we got engaged, and he kinda acted like, “It will happen one day, so why worry about it now?” Like he didn’t see it as a priority. He thinks: I want to marry this girl, but there are more important things right now to worry about. I don’t plan on leaving her, she doesn’t me, so why rush to do it first when we can do it anytime?
I see why guys can think that way, but it’s so frustrating! I hate it! They just don’t get that it IS a priority to a girl, that life-changing relationship things are almost the biggest and greatest priority in ones life. Just tell him you understand why he wants to do those things, and thinks they are more important, but that’s how you feel with marriage. That you feel that although the other’s are more important, that marriage should come first though. Just say you are tired of just being boyfriend/girlfriend because you personally feel as though you guys are so much more than that, and should get the credit you deserve.
Keep me updated on how things go, I hope they get more smooth for ya!
Post # 9
((HUGS)) I’m sure that everything will work itself out. I’m another that doesn’t want to go to the courthouse (although there’s nothing wrong with it at all) but I definitely want a small ceremony and party with my friends and family…
Post # 10
Just try to keep in mind that in the end, you will be together. This time between bf/gf and marriage will just be a blip in your lives together.
Post # 11
It took me THREE long and painful, I mean wonderful, years to get my ring. So many things happened and when I did get the ring and we were “official” it turned out to be totally worth it!
Just so you know, I’m not sure what branch he is looking to join or what job he’s looking to have, but I wear glasses and my eyes are totally jacked up and I spent my 3.5 years serving our beloved Uncle Sam. Yes the legal matters will totally need to be all cleared up and 100% gone – which may put off enlistment even further out – but the eyes should not be a problem. Tell him not to do anything more then get glasses – anything he has done will be seen by the doctors upon physicall at enlistment and may cause him not to be able to leave when he wants.
Hang in there and remember that you have the rest of your lives to be together and while you don’t have the ring now, you will and in the mean time you can still be like I was and just salk the site and enjoy!!
Post # 12
I am sorry you are going through this. I have a friend that got Lasik and well it can be a good thing, her surgery went bad due to a bad doctor and she has terrible problems and mostly blind and blurred and such. SO be very carefull. My fiance has astigmatism and the eye doctors that we know and like said that people with that are not good canidates for lasik. Just a heads up, do research before you decide on that.
Post # 13
i’m sorry about this turn of events! hopefully things get sorted out soon. though, my dad didn’t have the best eyesight and he got in the military. maybe as long as it’s reasonably correctable, he’ll be okay? don’t quote me on that though!
i’m kind of in the same boat, waiting for the boy and i to be in the same location and him settled in a job before we can even get engaged. sigh. and every month he doesn’t get a job is another month we’re set back. we’re both frustrated becase we just want to be married already, but you know, love doesn’t pay the bills!
but hang in there alishaneva! you’ll make it soon!
Post # 14
His eyes shouldn’t affect his military status. unless he wants to be like a pilot or something…b/c that does require good vision.
But, the legal stuff is totally going to through off the military! ONe of the one things my fiance’s recruiter said after he signed the paper was : do NOT get a ticket lol. he was stressing because after that, he got a ticket for not having his insurance card with him after he got pulled over for something stupid that he wasn’t doing..but that didn’t hurt him b/c he got it taken care of asap. Signed up in March, boot camp in May end/Juneish… graduated and I got to see him: 7 months later after training he came home.
but, honestly: be careful. I know so many of my fiance’s friends who up and married their current gf (not to say y’all are like this..or anything..) and are now facing divorce before their one year anniversary. Boot camp will change him. No matter what, he’ll come back somewhat different than the boy you sent off. And, you kind of gotta learn to love that man he came back as as well as that man he was before the miliatary. This was hard for me..it was like who’s this complete stranger and what did you do to my bf? I could go on and on with a list of things that I noticed ..
Just forewarning: be prepared to be second for a lot of things. I sometimes wish we did get married so I would actually mean something to the air force. Right now, they just view me like his father viewed me (he told my fi to break up with me before his bootcamp). They dont care about you tll you have the marriage certificate though and even that: he’s their property! And, my fi is a reservist and not active…though you couldn’t tell b/c they keep giving him order to work..hey, not complaing cuz that equals more moolah for me 😀
but good luck ;). I promise he’ll be dying to propose after boot camp: Mine was…and we didn’t really discuss marriaged beforehand and been together for six months. (but I didn’t get my ring till a year/half later the little goober) Oh so romantic: he actually ask me if I would marry him in the backseat of his parents car on his day pass day..I know! there’s a proposal for you 😛
Post # 15
Just adding to what acountrycowgirl said, if your guy’s vision is getting progressivley worse, I wouldn’t advise laser surgery. What’s the point? They’ll correct it and his prescription would more than likely change again. Astigmatism isn’t disease, it is very common and occurs in varying degrees (in *simple* terms it’s the ‘regularity’ of the eye, a perfectly spherical eye has no astigmatism, an eye with part of its curve slightly steeper – not quite like an american football, but along those lines – has astigmatism).
I’m sorry your plans have been put on hold, it will all work out just right for it though in the end 🙂 – hey longer to save up and plan!
Post # 16
i kind of second what floridabeachbride said. maybe it would be a good thing to wait… just in case? i don’t think that ALL men change when they go into the military, but a LOT do. My ex was airforce and he DEFINITELY changed after boot camp. I stuck it out another 3 years… but deployment changed him even more. when he came back he wasn’t even the same person. we broke up, obviously. then again, it doesn’t happen to everyone. but waiting until he gets back to make sure he’s still the man you fell in love with might not be the worst idea.