Post # 1
We are having a bbq for our rehearsal dinner at FH’s parents house. We wanted to keep it as small as possible, basically our families, wedding parties and their families, and my grandmother. FH’s parents have several people staying at their house as well, so they will be invited as well obviously. All the people mentioned have helped or will be involved in the wedding, and will be helping with setup for the reception and whatever else we need. I just found out that FH’s mom also invited some other family of hers to come to it too. I’m not totally sure why but this makes me REALLY upset. The people she invited didn’t bother to RSVP (eventually FHs mom phoned and they said to let us know they’d come but they never would send anything official), didn’t attend the shower (or even respond to the invite) or any other wedding related events, and won’t be helping with anything the day before. I just feel like if they aren’t a part of the wedding and aren’t helping (or even offering) then why shoud they get to be part of the dinner? Like I said, I have no idea why them attending makes me so mad but I guess it could be that I feel their behaviour so far has been rude and this dinner is to celebrate those who are a part of this big day, not for those who would like to get a free meal and have nothing better to do. I think FHs mom invited them without consulting us because it’s at her house and to her she just sees it as a family bbq. Anyways I’m not sure what to do, but now all I can think is that when I make a thank you speech at the dinner I will just exclude them from it. I hate to be nasty but I just feel so frustrated, and I don’t even want to try and think of something nice to say to them.
Post # 3
are the Father-In-Law paying for the dinner?
Post # 4
My parents really wanted to include my uncles and cousins and stuff that were traveling to our dinner (we paid for it).
We ended up doing a dessert and drinks after dinner open house. It worked out really well. We had rehearsal at 4:30, dinner from 5:30-7:30 and invited everyone to stop by around 7:30. Actually by the time 7:30 came around all the people at the dinner had kinda already talked/taken pictures/etc so it was nice when more people actually showed up by 8. It was some of the few times I was able to actually talk to some of the family that came down for the wedding.
Post # 5
You are upset because you had something in your mind and then it got changed by someone else. And also because these people have been a thorn in your side from the beginning. It’s okay to be upset about it. But try not to let these people or this event detract from all the happiness you have going on.
Post # 6
If she’s hosting I really don’t think she needed to consult you. These are probably family members of hers that she doesn’t get to see often. If she wants to invite them to HER home for the rehearsal dinner then let her do so. There will be enough other people there that you don’t need to interact with these people. When you make a speech thanking people for helping out with your wedding, they know they didn’t help, no need to make a point of excluding them. Don’t let this get you upset.. in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal.
Post # 7
Is she the offical host of the party and paying for it?
Post # 8
I can understand both why you are upset and why Future Mother-In-Law invited them. Try not to let it get under your skin. The extended family will be there in support of your new union and even though they haven’t been able to show support by attending other events – are doing so now. While I know you wanted something more intimate – the people that HAVE been putting effort into your wedding WILL be there and you will find yourself surrounded with SO MUCH love and support.
Post # 9
Honestly it sucks but I think at this point it is something to choose to let go. We dealt with a TON of rehearsal dinner drama several months ago. My dad is paying for it and my Future Mother-In-Law wanted to invite all Out of Town guests because she didnt want to not include anyone. I wanted to have something small and intimate. In the end we are having all Out of Town guests and I couldnt be happier. It will give us more time to spend with the majority of our guests (We have about 95-100 of 130 wedding guests coming to the RD) and it will help make our wedding day a little less nerve racking since we will already have been around a HUGE group of people!
Just try to enjoy everything and remember that even though you are upset now you will most likely have a great time when the day comes and you will think how silly it was for you to be upset!
Post # 10
@Mrs. Meowerson: & Flamingred – Yes they are hosting and paying
@Moose1209: I suppose they will know they didn’t help. But when I do thank you’s to people do I just not do one to them? We were going to thank people for what they did specifically, like we’d thank the wedding party, the parents, the mc’s etc. Can I just say nothing to them?
@Schatzie821: I think you are right. I just picture something much more quiet and shoving an extra 10 people into an already packed place just seems chaotic and unceccsary to me. Also they asked me to change the time of it to accomodate them coming as well. We were planning on heading over after the rehearsal (which is at 4) but now I’ve been asked to move the rehearsal back so that people aren’t waiting around for hours for them to show up before we can eat.
Post # 11
Also I am feeling frustrated because we said an intimate backyard barbeque would be fine because we wanted to keep the cost low, and now I feel like if we are making it a bigger thing it should be at a restaurant and I should have invited my out of towners too. The guests she invited only live about an hour out of town and hadn’t planned to be in town the night before which is why I didn’t expect them to be invited. I just feel like it’s changed from us doing our rehearsal and going over for a casual (short) dinner and me getting back home nice and early to spend some relaxing time with my girls, now we have to push things back 2 hours and I’m worried it will feel more hectic then relaxed and I won’t get much down time at home. Right now it’s a week before the wedding and anything anyone changes is feeling like a HUGE deal to me.