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Don't invite them! You have no valid reason to. If they are going to gossip about how your money woes are a lie, well, so be it. Rednecks do that =].
Second, tacky tacky tack to ask where her invite is! I'd either a) ignore it or b) say something very in your face yet obvious via a PRIVATE message like "our venue only holds so many people, I'm sorry we couldn't invite everyone!" how will they know it's a lie? Right? Or tell them your paying for it yourself and you simply can't afford everyone you'd love to have come so you are keeping it small.
Seriously how will this "group" know if they all aren't invited, right? If you don't see them for 5 years I think you need to move on and just not give a flying rat's booty what they think of you. They are obviously hoosier, right? =]. Unless you want jeans and tux t-shirts and tobacco spitting at your wedding lol. My parents are living in a very rednecky area and it's a very...unique place to visit, bieng a city girl and all =]
Just say: "where WAS my invite?" that should shut her up real quick!!
oh, it sounds horrible for you!!
dont invite them - you wont enjoy them being there, they will bitch and moan if they are there or not and after the wedding is done, the cake is eaten and you are hubby and wife you want to look back and be glad you spent that hard earned money on being with people that you wanted to be with
sending hugs
I say DO NOT invite them!!! It's your wedding and you clearly do not want to have them there. And besides, since you are shelling out your own money you have every reason not to have them there.
Sounds like you've made up your mind not to invite them (GOOD FOR YOU!).
I would respond with something simple and sweet like, "We're keeping the wedding really small. The new husband and I would, however, love to catch up with you after the honeymoon if you'd like to reconnect! xox"
Seems to me that this is true since you're under 100 people. No need to mention budget or your reason for deciding to go small. And no matter what you do, someone is going to be pissed off. Probably because they are stupid and there isn't anything you can do about that.
Forget these people!
I love jingle96s reply!! Where WAS your invite? She obviously didn't consider you guys close enough to invite you to her wedding: why should you feel obliged to invite her?
She is tactless. I wouldn't even respond to her question on facebook.
Don't forget to remove her post from your wall too. They aren't your family if they don't talk to you for 5 years and gossip about you and your family. Try not to stress TOO much about it.
She isn't the "cousin" who didn't invite me to her wedding otherwise that would be perfect, thanks for all of the thoughts ladies, this is just such a tough situation! I'm glad that you guys are on my side and don't think I'm being silly for deciding not to invite them, the decision was somewhat easy, it's just this letting them know that they're not invited thing....... oi!
Yay, we are date twins (and age twins).
Anywhoo, I would probably ignore the comment from the cousin and hope she goes away. If she asks again it's probably best to be straight up and say you couldn't invite her due to room space (don't go the budget route if they have no idea how much things actually cost and expect you to have a bbq). Good luck
Since you're only 3 weeks out, they won't be able to pester you much longer. Just ignore the rude comments. I am sure once your wedding passes, they'll just start gossiping about someone else. I'm glad you've chosen not invite them.
I'm with everyone, and you, about not inviting them and not feeling bad about it. It wasn't right of her to ask where her invite is and there's nothing you could say that would make it be okay in her eyes, so maybe just pretend you didn't see the message? I know it's not best to avoid things, but maybe just this one time since it's too tricky of a situation. I really hope these people leave you alone for the next 3.5 weeks!
NO WAY should you invite them!
Just be straight forward (or let you MOM be straightforward!) - your venue and caterer are limited to 100, so you're keeping the wedding small. You're also only inviting people whom you have TALKED TO in the past year! Or 5!!!
Thank them for sharing your joy, be polite, but don't beat around the bush on this one. What damage could you do - these people obviously aren't about to impact anything in your life!
Don't invite them. Thank them for wanting to help you celebrate, and let them know as graciously as possible, that your venue can't accomodate more people. They don't have to know you have the option to move to another room!
Ick. Good for you for not inviting these folks, they sound awful. Who demands an invitation after 5 years of not seeing or talking to someone anyway?!
I say delete your "cousin's" message from your Facebook account (you're doing her a favor there if she wrote it on your wall -- she's just telling the world she's classless and rude) and send her a PM saying "Hey Cousin, I'm sorry if there was a miscommunication, but our wedding is really small and we just weren't able to invite our parents' family friends. 65% of the guests are already mine because I have such a big immediate family, and if I invite any more there won't be room for Russell's family! Thanks for understanding, Laura." You don't have to mention that you didn't actually want to invite her or her awful family ;-) The only reason I think you should respond at all is so that she doesn't somehow get the idea that she really was invited and her invitation got lost or something. She probably posted on your wall because she knows she's not invited and wants to be a brat about it, though, so ignoring it is probably an OK option.
It sounds like your mom and stepdad are talking a bit too much about the wedding around this group. Will there be someone at the venue who could help you head off gate-crashers?
Do not for one second think that this "group" deserves to have that $$ spent on them. Would you hand them thuis much cash??? FI and I are sticking to the 2 year rule. We both have really large families and lots of extended relatives. If they aren't important enough to be on the Christmas card list, they don't need an invite.
Stay strong girl, you're almost there!!!
I'm not able to invite any of my cousins to my wedding and I just had my mom spread that it was a space issue. I am also not saying anything on public forums like facebook where I am friends with some of my cousins. Maybe the day of, I will post. After my mother joined FB, she mentioned it on her info and I had to explain to one of my cousins how I couldn't invite anyone and it really sucked.
You won't be happy if they're there, and it doesn't sound like they're close enough to merit an obligatory invitation. Don't invite them and don't feel guilty! Just prepare a form answer (small, intimate wedding, budget, etc) for those awkward moments, and move on!
Good luck, I'm sure it's really stressful!!
I would have your mom tell them. She is obvisouly the reason why they are in your life. Sorry about all the stress. The guest list thing is so hard for most of us!
Why do weddings leave so many people with hurt feelings and feeling like they have a RIGHT to be there? I say don't invite them. Explain that due to space at your venue, there was only so many people you could invite. Say you'll share pics later.
Your gut feeling on whether or not to include them seems to be right on the money. I totally agree with you though that TELLING them they aren't invited is a whole lot harder!
Personally, I wouldn't even respond to that post. If you had a relationship with her, it's a different story. The comment is simple enough where it could have been meant to be funny - but it sure seems like snarkiness was intended.
If you feel like you need to respond, send her a FB mail message and say something like - if your wall post was referring to wondering about a wedding invite, we chose to make it an intimate wedding and were not able to invite all our extended friends and family. Or, because we have limitations within our venue, we were not able to invite....
Good luck to you!
Honestly, I would blatantly tell her you don't have one for her. I would explain to them what the wedding means for you and many of the things you outlined for us here (perhaps minus the negative comments regarding them)!
I'm with everyone else on this one. Don't even worry about inviting her, and don't write back unless you want to. If you do, explain about space issues. I like the idea of offering to reconnect afterwards if that's what the cousin wants.
Oh wow! I can not believe someone would have the nerve to ask where their invite was online for the world to see. If it were me I would say some sarcastic remark thats slightly mean. But thats just me. It's your wedding. Don't invite anyone you don't want there.
Okay so I decided I would do a couple of things. Step one: Delete her message off of my facebook and pretend it never happened. Second... if she says something again, I'm going to go the "Place only has a certain amount of space so I'm not able to invite all of the extended friends and family, but thanks for thinking of us and I'll post pics on here so you can see! Maybe we can get together when we get back." (Because if history repeats itself, she'll act like she wants to get together while I'm talking to her, and then I'll never hear from her again after the convo.)
What do you guys think? Thanks for all the tips you guys really gave me some peace of mind!
i agree.. no invite for her because you didnt get one either... send her a nice announcement the week after the wedding.. that way you've at least been the bigger person by acknowledging that you got married instead of letting people find out on the internet.
I love what your response to her will be, if she says anything. Personally, I'd not delete the post, and respond to her with that. It's PERFECT!
Oy, you poor thing.
I think your plan of action is a good one. I don't know why people just assume that they 'deserve' to be invited to your wedding, it's so presumptuous.
Holy guac. You poor woman. Well I'd be blunt...Best case scenario- they take it well and understand (...when pigs fly). Worst case scenario- they get snotty...oh wait, they already are. What do you have to lose? Not a thing.
Best wishes to you and your soon to be hubs :) I'm an October 25th bride so I feel your time crunch as well!
Haha! You ladies are awesome, I couldn't have done it without you! And update: I deleted it 2 or 3 days ago and I haven't heard anything from her so maybe I got lucky on dodging this one. After the wedding I don't care. hehe only THREE weeks to go!
Yeah you really have nothing to lose by not inviting them. It's not like you have or want a relationship with these people in the future. If I were you I'd probably derive some sick pleasure out of pissing them off by not inviting them considering what you've said about them!
P.S. - People that post stuff like that on Facebook are SUCH losers. I love Facebook for a lot of things (reconnecting with people, sharing pics, etc.) but it has some real downsides, especially when it comes to weddings.
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Hey everyone, I'm really stressed out right now the last couple of weeks have been really chaotic because we're creeping really close to my wedding which is now about 3 1/2 weeks away... so bear with me if this seems kinda high strung. I'll try to simplify what is a complicated situation.
* I have a huge family, FI doesn't
* Guestlist is already about 65:35 being invited
* I can't really invite any more people because if I do, it will be Laurapalooza, and Russell's guests will be lost in the crowd
* Our venue has tiers of beverage/food minimums.. We're trying to stay in the first tier where you pay for a 100 people whether they show up or not. The next tier is 150 (We're talking about another $1250 here) and we will have to move into a bigger room, we'll need more centerpieces, etc.
* I grew up with a group of people until I was about 11 and my mom divorced my dad and married one of the sons of the family making me related to this group of about 35 people.
* Said stepdad was abusive so I moved out on my own when I was 16... almost 17. I am now 23 as of next week.
* I haven't heard from this group but once since I moved out over 6 years ago, and the time I heard from them was 5 years ago.
* They have no concept of how much a wedding costs... FI and I are shelling out nearly $11,000 of our own money...so they won't understand/they'll think I'm lying if I tell them they're not invited due to money... their mentality is to have a barbecue and JP wedding so why am I spending so much and yet still can't invite them.
* This group of people are very redneck and embarrassing, they don't get along with my family, mom or even my stepdad who is one of them.
*Last year one of the girls who is my "cousin"/stepdad's neice got married and the only way I found out was b/c I saw the pics on her myspace.
I have already sent out STDs and Invites and NOT invited this group of people.... I don't want to cause excess drama about this but I fricken haven't heard from them in over 5 years, they are embarrassing, and I already have too many people invited...
Due to my mom being in a bad financial situation, she, my stepdad, and brother have had to move in with one of the families of the group I'm not inviting and they see my mom talking to me about the wedding and are kinda bitter about it telling her that I am out of line for asking my stepdad to rent a $100 tux... These people are gossipers so because my mom and stepdad are living with one of the families, the whole family knows already.. my stepdad works for a family business and is too dumb to keep his mouth shut about it even though I told him they wouldn't be invited from day one.
and then today, one of the girls who is my "cousin" who I wasn't going to invite wrote on my wall on facebook, bluntly and directly, "Where is my invite?"
What do I say to her? How do I handle this... pissing the least amount of people off and keeping them away from my wedding? What would you do? I'm already stressed about other stuff right now and today this pops up. Oi... haha.
Besides this though... I must say everything is going swimmingly and I am so excited about the wedding. Everything is coming together and I can't wait for that day, if I could just get through this snafu!