Post # 1
So last night I ended my engagement and broke up with my fiance. It was awful and painful and horrific and everything I expected it to be. I feel like I have been repeatedly run over by a semi-truck. I guess what I am most concerned about is the way I am feeling after the break-up. I thought I would have this big sigh of relief after I did it. After reading other break-up stories, that seems to be the trend. Right now, I just feel like I want to curl up in bed with him beside me. I still feel in my gut that I am making the right decision but it is almost as if I needed to break-up with him rather than wanting to break-up with him. In my other post, I mentioned that I have been in a relationship for most of my teenage and adult life and have never been truly independent. I feel like to be in a happy, healthy relationship, I need to be able to be alone and not rely on another person for my happiness. Although things were really good with my fiance, I feel like in a few years I will be resentful/ sorry that I didn”t figure out who I was as a person before I got married. I don’t know if the feeling of needing to break-up is a good enought reason to actually do it. I don’t know if the lack of relief is because I am so scared to be alone or if it is because I am making the wrong choice.
Post # 2
Anony4326: you will feel better – once you’ve had a chance to heal. Ending an engagement is heartbreaking even though you are the one who initiated the breakup. I’m glad you trusted your gut and didn’t go through with a wedding you didn’t want, and when the pain lessens (and it will!) you will feel glad too.
Post # 3
Breaking up sucks no matter which end you are on- you still are going to need to grieve for your loss too- of the relationship, the dream etc. If your gut tells you youre doing the right thing, listen to it. That is your true voice/need.
Post # 4
You don’t feel any better because you suffered a loss. You lost your relationship and your partner, whether you needed to or not, its still going to hurt you.
Listen to your gut, the pain and sadness will pass and you’ll feel better eventually. Allow yourself to grieve and don’t expect to feel better immediately, just know it will happen.
Post # 5
You’re grieving a loss, even if you initiated it. Take it easy in yourself, and spend some time with friends doing things that you enjoy.
Post # 6
Anony4326: I ended a very bad marriage and felt terrible for quite a while. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it still hurts. For a bit. It’ll get better!!
Post # 7
I broke up with my last BF before my DH. It was 100% my idea and what I wanted. I still spent most of the weekend curled up in a ball crying. Change takes adjustment, and it sounds like this is a large change.
Give your self some time and the okay to feel this way.
Post # 8
Anony4326: Same as other PPs, I broke up with my EX and even though it hurt I knew it was for the best. In time you will feel better, and I know it’s frustrating to hear because it would be easier if it were just fine now. But one day this will be a memory.
Post # 9
Anony4326: You needed this time out, or you wouldn’t have used all your courage to carry it out.
Don’t sweat about the distant future – it’s not in your control only your current choices and all you can do is make yourself happy in the here and now.
It just shows me you are a nice person – not everyone feels ‘good’ about dumping someone. You are also changing a pattern so it will require a bit of adjustment. Give yourself time to feel better. You also need to get back to who you are and that is an exciting time.
My personal feel-good remedy is to get exercising. If you’re not doing so already -once you’ve done 3 fitness classes within 8 days of eachother (whether at a class, or on dvd) you will start to feel really good and walk taller and be more confident. Then comes seeing things in a more positive way. Count your blessings (including your courage) and look for kindnesses around you and express your gratitude frequently. Some people call this politeness, but it is something you can tune into especially well now that you are feeling emotional and searching. It will help you.
Post # 10
Its just the inital shock of everything-you will feel better in time. Take some time for yourself and head out with your girls. Change is never easy, esp when you are in a schedule of things, but just truck along and you will start to feel better.
Post # 11
Anony4326: It’s still such a shocking change to you. Give it some time. It’ll get better.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland
Breakups aren’t easy, even when you know it’s for the best! Stick with your gut, you probably made the right decision if it is something you have been thinking about and considering. You just need some time, you are entitled to feel sad and question your decision. It is, afterall, a huge decision to make. But that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one! Change is hard, I’m sure you were comfortable in your relationship. Keep your head up 🙂
Post # 13
No one feels better immediately following. Give yourself some time. At least a month of doing “you” before you start thinking about regrets. Let life play out a little.
Post # 14
Unfortunately, it takes time. Fortunately, it will happen 🙂