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I think that you might need to try and set a time limit on the game playing. Especially because you can't continue to support him while he messes around with the game instead of getting his degree and getting a job. Playing a game sometimes to unwind is fine but it isn't fine when it becomes your life.
WoW is easy to get sucked into when you're in that leveling stage - you just need to remind him that nothing changes when he doesn't play, and that he can level at a slower pace. 2 hours a night is plenty.
I'm a functioning adult that plays and I know tons of people, including a phd student, who balance it successfully with their real lives. The phd student actually plays the most out of anyone I know, but he also publishes the most papers in his department and is pretty much a golden student. Balance is possible.
I'm going to ask how many hours a day do you watch television? I notice that a lot people are just possessive of their partner's time and aren't really willing to let them have a few hours a night to a game.
The bad news is it usually takes a bit of a screw up for someone to have a wake up call about their gaming time. But honestly, the game is so much more "casual friendly" than it was when i started playing. You don't need a massive time investment like you used to. Don't treat it as something forbidden, but talk about the time management. He can even set controls for himself that limit how much he plays on weeknights versus on weekends.
If ur man playing the game on the house computer. Then, wait for him to leave and take the computer to the storage room, or hiding somewhere. And if he ask, tell him u brought to the shop to get it fit. In the meanwhile, of hidding the computer. Mention about his degree, other things he need to do and remind him of all fun things to do beisde playing that game. Then, return to the computer lik 2-3 weeks and if there 's change, GREAT. If not, its time for the talk.
Or be direct to ur man, and tell him how you miss his accompnay and take him out for dinner. And talk about, how u feel of him not being focus on school and having a real life. Good luck, I know what you are going through. But if ur man totally into the game.Then go wit 1st plan and if not, the 2nd plan.
Thanks for the comments :) It helps. Ribbons brought up a good point about watching TV. I generally watch 1-3 hours of TV a day and I do not take issue with him playing for a few hours a day. I think it is probably more about my anxiety over him finishing his degree so that we can, well, move on with our lives :) Any distraction that comes puts me on edge, so thats more my issue to resolve. I think it would be good to talk to him about time limits and be open with my feelings about research/gaming/time/etc. Thanks for telling me about the personal settings, that would help! I will look at is as unwinding time, as MissAsB suggested.
I know a lot of people who got really addicted - many while in grad school - and while it's very addictive, most of them barely play anymore. If he thinks it's just an initial obsession, he may be right. My partner's a PhD student and he needs a few hours a day of not thinking about school - seriously, he insists on watching every single Van Wilder movie. WTF. But some break is necessary to enable clear thinking, I think.
I'd say don't make it a big bone of contention, but be aware that he may hit a point where he's starting to let other things suffer. In that case, be ready to step in and help him get back on track, but if that doesn't happen it's not worth fighting for, especially if he thinks he may eventually get bored.
FI is a WoW-er. He will play mostly at night though when I am in bed or if I'm doing something else. When he plays he definitely gets into that zone where he notices nothing around him. There are definitely times, though, were I feel it's a bit excessive and I'll have a talk with him about it. Or if he's spent a majority of the day playing, I'll playfully remind him when he starts up again during the day that it's time for me now. I'm not going to deny that it does irk me whenever I see him on there, but I try to remind myself that there's worse things he can be doing on the computer than WoW...
If the playing is interfering with him finishing his doctorate though, I would have a serious conversation with him about that. While it might be a nice distraction from reality, playing doesn't stop the world around us from going on and life from happening. You just have to be careful how you approach it tho, because you don't want to come off sounding like a scolding mother..which can be tricky especially when it comes to video games!
When we started dating, my husband played Warcraft (similar to WOW), and would constantly play. He stopped playing (not because I asked him to), because he became involved in other things and we did things together.
Now my husband has changed his habit to playing Ultimate Frisbee. I have a hard time disagreeing with him getting exercise, but it is extrememly time consuming. On rare occasions he still plays Warcraft and that's fine, everyone needs their outlet, just like mine is watching LMN.
I have to agree with Miss Ribbons, it's all about balance. When he's playing Warcraft it's your turn to watch whatever on TV or for me I do some crafting. When I would like to do something else, I ask how much longer does he plan to play and try to strike up a deal. Like, well if you are done soon I'd like to do this.
I have another friend that plays and his fiancee started playing and they play together. I'm not saying you have to, I'm just saying, if you find some common interests to do instead you may distract him from WOW.
I know how you feel! Just make sure that you talk about it with him.
I would first let him slide this week, maybe he is just super excited and then will return to his normally routine. My FI does this when he gets a new game, and then a week later he plays significantly less. If this continues, I would make myself leave the house and be very busy so that he begins to wonder what I am up to. Then when he says something about your absence, I would mention how occupied he is with WOW and that you started doing other things without him. This way he is not being nagged, but comes to the conclusion that he better start paying more attention to you. If he is a physics major, I bet he has assignments and quizzes all the time. Maybe he should get a bad grade or miss an assignment, so he can realize for himself. I think when we nag men they tend to want to do the opposite, so it's better to help them come to their own realizations.
Honestly, my BF likes playing video games on XBOX and sometimes I get annoyed, but I am so thankful that he is into video games rather than bar hopping and going out all the time. I will take video games over bar hopping any day lol
Well I cant offer much since FI is obessed with Call of Duty right now. He can play for hours straight. We can't even talk near his game area since the " other players" can hear us on mic. Welcome to the wonderful world of gamers !
I've been there. I dated a guy a couple years ago that was TOTALLY into WoW and eventually it was the deal breaker for us. It got to be so consuming to him that he would be late or not go into work because of it, and that was just WRONG. Plus, I wasn't getting enough attention. I think you need to make it clear what your expectations are for your relationship, how much time you want to spend with him, so on and so forth.
I'd recommend a wait and see approach. Assuming that the gaming is going to be a problem sends the message that you don't trust him to manage his time or ti behave like an adult, and sets the stage for an unnecessary battle over free time.
WEll, i mean, he's only been doing this for a week or so right? I know when we bought Mario Wii we played it a lot. A LOT at first.
Just let him know you htink he's playing excessively. Be like "Dude, you know you played 8 hours yesterday? i'm worried you're falling behid on other stuff"
have an adult conversation about it--i don't think it renders taking his games away yet. He's not 5 ya know!
I kinda enjoy when DH plays his games downstairs with the mics and the whole get up. It's pretty funny! I get to watch whatever I want on TV! I can usually bribe him upstairs with dinner and he plays when he knows i'm busy. now, if he was playing INSTEAD of spending time with me to the point i felt neglected, yes, there'd be an issue.
Your FI's a big boy...if he's going to shuck his PhD studies for a game, gently remind him. But he needs to realize that for himself. There will always be distractions in life and you have to be able to realize when to shut it off, walk away, and do your work!
oh boy.
This has been a continuing arguement in my household for 6 yrs. :) It wasnt as bad back then but ever since XBOX live came out where they can play online with their buddies its gotten outta control.
Its gotten so bad I have slept in the guest room once or twice. He plays for hours and ignores me the entire time. He doesnt tend to his responsibilities and sometimes he doenst even brush his teeth. So gross.
We have come to an agreement lately where he plays for 2 hrs and calls it quits. If he goes over 2 hrs, I have the right to pull the plug.
Set some boundaries.
Its a big help to hear so many perspectives. Big thanks to all!
Okay, so I can definitely chime in on this one. WOW seems to be a very addicting game (I've never really played, but my FI used to be VERY into it) and it seems that even more so than other video games, people tend to get really sucked into it. My FI used to play with friends, and there would be days on the weekend where he would play for 8 hours without stopping. It was ridiculous. He didn't even realize that he had played that long, because the game is just that addicting. He had a friend who failed a few classes last semester because he was so into the game.
I, like you, am not the type to tell him that he "has" to stop playing or that he "has" to spend time with me - I refused to tell him to get off the game, even though he told me that it would be fine for me to do that. I did, however, have some serious discussions with him about how when he played the game and ignored me all day I felt very unloved and that he needed to work on balancing his time better. I didn't mind him playing for a few hours a day (he still plays video games for an hour or two daily, just not that one) but when it got to the point where I didn't see him for five hours at a time, it just wasn't okay. Once he saw how much it was hurting me, he finally decided to stop playing - at to be honest, part of the reason he stopped was because he realized that it was affecting his classwork and he was falling behind because of the game.
My advice is to talk to him, and bring to his attention how much he is playing because he may not even realize it. Also, tell him how much it bothers you, because he may not know that either! But I would definitely talk to him - I just asked my FI, and even he agreed with me that this is NOT the type of game that you just play non-stop for a week and then get over. It gets very addicting!
Another way to approach it is to look at what you would like to be doing with him, rather than on what he should or shouldn't be doing. I mean the difference between saying "Quit playing WoW so much" and saying "Let's watch a movie together/make dinner together/some other activity this afternoon." If he wants his hours to be filled, fill them with alternatives.
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I do not play video/roleplaying games. I don't have anything against them, I'm just not that into them. My FI has always enjoyed video games and plays them occationally, but never on a regular basis. Until last weekend. Last weekend we visited two very dear friends who have recently gotten into World Of Warcraft. We spent the weekend basically watching them play. Boring? Yes. We came home and FI decided he wanted to try it out. He has spent 3-10 hours a day, EVERY day since then, playing WOW. Now, my FI is a Ph.D student in physics and is about a year and a half from finishing IF he can be disiplined enough to crack down on his research. This stupid f*&^#$@ game has totally derailed him from his work and he basically ignores me when he is playing. When he is not playing he likes to tell me all about the game but is hurt when I express my disinterest. I normally love to hear about what excites him, but I just can't get into this stuff.
So what do I do? I am not the type to "forbid" my FI from doing anything, we have a very repectful and trusting relationship, but this game is really getting on my nerves. He feels that it is a honeymood period for him, but I know that this game is incredibly addicting, especially for easily distracted little physisists like himself. Anyone else in love with a gamer? How do you deal? What should I expect? When should I draw my limits? Argh.