Post # 1
I’m aware this is not all that rational, but I’m afraid that we’ll have low attendance. We’re inviting about 150 people and it is a destination wedding in that it’s in a city no one (including us) lives in, so everyone will travel. It’s going to be up in Sonoma County, and we have a lot of guests from S.F., but even they will have to drive about 1-2 hrs. Our OOT guests will have to fly into a bay area airport, AND rent a car, AND drive the 1-2 hours. I was thinking we’d have 60-70 people.
Meanwhile, my mother is going through the list, and I think that there were about 3 people from her guestlist that she thought would come–she was just ticking them off left and right: “oh, they won’t come…they won’t come…Well, she might come, but I don’t know about the husband…” And when I counted up the people who were “sure things” it was like, 10. Finally, I recently sent out the STDs with a link to our website, which is a blog so I can see the stats and it hasn’t gotten a lot of hits which has made me paranoid into thinking that people haven’t visited because they KNOW they’re not going to attend, so why worry about hotel reservations and stuff?
You also have to understand that I was the girl who was so miserably unpopular in middle school and the girl who once had a birthday no one came to, so this is kind of a resurgence of old anxieties and the fear of feeling stupid about spending all this money and time in anticipation of something that no one will show up to (again, irrational right? But still kind of in the back of my mind). I’m telling myself, “Ok, you’re 30. Get a grip. People are busy. Blah blah blah.” but I could totally use a little kind reassurance from anyone else out there! Anyone else have this fear? Anyone have this fear REALIZED?
Post # 3
When we were still planning for a big wedding, I had the fear that none of our friends would show up, etc. I was horrifically unpopular as well, so I understand where you’re coming from. What helped me calm down was the realization that the people who matter the absolute most to us–close, close friends, immediate family, etc. will be there. Instead of focusing on who won’t come, maybe you could try thinking about all the wonderful people who you know will for sure be there for you.
Post # 4
You know, we invited a bunch of people that we didn’t think would actually come to my sister’s wedding, and they did! They lived an average of an hour or two away, and they still took the time to drive up.
People sometimes surprise us in a good way :). Also, my cousin had a DW to Tennessee, and she ended up with really good attendance, even though everyone had to drive about six hours!
And I feel your pain, I had one of those birthdays, too.
Post # 5
I totally worried about this, and for lots of the same reasons. I’m happy to report, though, that almost everyone we invited made the trip out to NYC and was happy to support us.
As for the website, I wouldn’t put much stock the lack of hits. We slaved over ours, making it as user friendly and helpful as humanly possible and almost no one checked it. Don’t be surprised if you start getting calls from people in a few weeks asking you about all those details.
Post # 6
I understand and empathize too! Remember also, that the economy is very tough for people right now. It may be that people WANT to come, but just CAN”T. It may not reflect their desire to be there for you at all!
Post # 7
I’m so sorry you feel this way, I believe it will all work out in the end. I was actually feeling this way yesterday about my dinner rehearsal. I had a list of about 30 people and then found out that FI’s family isn’t even coming and we’re doing a buffett for everyone. Now that I think about it as long as my closest friends and family are there thats what matters most. Keep your chin up and try not worry so much, your day will be great no matter what!
Post # 8
I can understand why some people wouldn’t be able to come based on your description (the more difficult a location is to get to the more you’ll have people declining – which is why destination weddings are usually just a small group).
But who cares? You’ll have the people who are really close to you there. A smaller turnout can be a blessing. It’s nice to be able to visit with everyone for a decent amount of time rather than just saying hello.
It’s not like people are going to decline because they don’t LIKE you, it’s because they have other plans or can’t afford the trip.
Post # 9
Few things… first I KNOW that at least 90 people are coming to my wedding bc they’re family and close– and I still have almost no hits on my website bc I think people just suck about looking at your website honestly haha.
Second, if people don’t come (which I’m going to be honest… is a possibility) it won’t be because they don’t like you. It will be because you chose to have a destination wedding in a totally beautiful but kind of expensive and PITA area to get to. I’m 100% supportive of destination weddings, but you KNOW you’re taking a risk by doing it… so you really shouldn’t feel badly if people don’t come.
And lastly, if people don’t come, just party it up with those who do! Have a wonderful, intimate, and cheaper (for you!) night! Spend the extra $$ on a fabulous honeymoon 🙂
Post # 10
I am having a destination wedding in Hawaii and most of my family lives in the midwest, so an hour drive is nothing compared to what I want my guest to do. Like the PP said as long as your family and the people you care about most are there then don’t fret about who isn’t there just think about all the wonderful people that are with you!
Post # 11
i had this fear for awhile too, but then i realized who cares? if a bunch of people decline, i’ll be able to splurge more for the people that do. the people who really care about us will be there; it doesn’t matter how many that is.
Post # 12
I think people could really surprise you. My mom and dad assumed that a lot of our family had no intention of coming until word of the wedding started getting out (we are doing the same as you, an out of town wedding that nobody lives in), people were calling and saying that they couldn’t wait for the wedding and were so excited! We were all very suprised by this.
I was a nerdy unpopular girl too, so I get where your fears are coming from. It will all work out well! The other way to look at it is this: the less people that RSVP the more you can spoil the guests that are there. 50 instead of 100 guests? Now suddenly you have extra money for a photobooth, or the upgraded linens, or the e-pics package with your photogs. . .things like this.
Post # 13
I know exactly how you feel! I was petrified of no one showing up to our wedding as well! I was also horribly unpopular in high school…but so many of my college friends surprised me and came! There were of course, disappointments of people who didn’t come, but you get over that quickly. The people who truly matter will be there, and if there are some who can’t be, I’m sure they have very good reasons why they won’t be coming. It’s not that you’re unloved, it’s the million other reasons. The economy stinks, other priorities. So please don’t feel unloved! Your wedding will be a complete blast!
Post # 14
Thank you so much for your responses–all of them. Lemme tell you SO good to hear that people have been/are in the same boat (seriously comforting to know that someone else had a bum birthday and craptastic junior high :). I totally agree with looking on the bright side and splurging on a smaller affair. And again, even though I know it rationally, it’s so much better to hear it from some one else that if people don’t come it’s not because they don’t care!
But keep the stories/advice/suggestions coming–the more the merrier.
Post # 15
I think that it’s understandable to get wrappedup in thinking about these things — i know that i could — and it’s nice to have everyone around you… but if you think about WHY you are getting married to your future hubby and the people who will be there to share it with you — you might find yourself super excited about that. I don’t think that the number of people is going to determine the amount of fun, laughter and great times that will be at your wedding. It will be what whatever you want it to be — which I am sure will be BEAUTIFUL!
Post # 16
I’m terrified no one is going to be at my wedding. We’re planning on something kind of on the small side, inviting about 60. Of those 60, I’m pretty sure everyone’s a sure thing… buuut I also have visions of everything falling apart and my FI and I eating 60 dinners in an empty ballroom.