Post # 1
My parents have offered what I consider to be a big chunk of money ($10,000) towards our wedding. This has become the entire budget, seeing as Fiance and I will probably only be able to save for the trip to Hawaii and his parents are not offering anything.
I feel really bad about it because I know they don’t actually have this money, it will go onto their debt. I also know that they want me to have a wedding though, otherwise I would just elope probably.
I guess I just don’t know how to feel, I feel guilty accepting their money!
Has anyone felt the same way?
Post # 3
You are such a sweetie for feeling this way. I would accept the money knowing that my parents would want to do this amazing thing for me, but I would make sure I’m super mind-ful about costs. A good gift back to them would be coming in under budget!
I”m sure you’re parents thought about it and had a serious discussion prior to their offer.
Edit>> to answer your question, I have felt guilty about accepting money from my parents but it was never that much. Other than what I already posted, the only other thing I can say is to make sure it’s not wasted.
Post # 4
Personally I don’t think I could take the money knowing it would put them into debt. Do you have family in Maui or is it just a DW? If it is a Destination Wedding, does it have to be in Maui? What about a nice place where you can drive to save you the airline fares?
I know the allure of a Destination Wedding, as I had one myself. However we did it knowing that we would be able to comfortably afford it.
Post # 5
I personally wouldn’t take the money if it meant that they have to go into debt. Can you compromise and have them buy the flowers or a part of it?
I think it says loads about your character by not feeling right about it.
Post # 6
Hey, I know this doesn’t apply to your exact situation, but I bet in the ton of comments it might, http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/04/ask-team-practical-family-financial-contributions/
Hope that helps!
Post # 8
@SuperKate: I know what you mean. That’s why I feel bad about it.
I do think that having a Destination Wedding (I don’t live in Maui, I live in Canada) is really cutting down on the guest list. We are inviting 50 people instead of the well over a hundred I would feel pressured into inviting around here. I don’t think I would be able to do a wedding for less than $10,000 around here either…to me that seems like an inexpensive wedding.
I guess it’s just that no matter how budget something is, if you don’t have the money you don’t have the money! I don’t know what to do!
ETA: FI’s has family in Maui though, so accomodation will be taken care of for a lot of his family members. That doesn’t help out my family though, who is the only family offering to help pay 🙁
@MapleBecky: I think if we don’t use this money, we will either have to wait to get married to save it up ourselves or maybe just elope with the two of us and our immediate families.
@janebennett: Thanks I read through some of those!
Post # 9
@Ms.Shamrock: Thanks for your reply! I have worked really hard even in the initial planning to keep it under that $10,000, but now knowing that they don’t actually have the money I just feel terrible.
Post # 10
My parents paid for my recpetion, but there was no guilt here b/c I knew they could afford it and I didn’t spend on anything I would not have spent my own money on. My mom was actually encouraging me to go all out and just do/spend whatever I wanted, but I couldnt do it. I guess in that way, I would have felt guilty if I were careless with the money. However, if my parents has to go into any sort of debt for my wedding, I would not take the money. I’d scale back, DIY, somehow do it on something I could afford myself.
Post # 11
I feel guilty about accepting money from my parents as well especially since they have run into financial issues occasionally. However, I feel like they will be offended if we did not accept their help because we are the first to get married and they have been really involved. It really is frustrating because it’s a no-win situation.
Post # 12
OP, they love you and with the goodness thats in their heart they gifted you the money – yes they may have to struggle to afford it but thats what family who love you do, they put others first and this is important to them.
you can offer to either reduce the value or not gift it to you but they most probably would still want you to have it
Post # 13
I’m in the same situation, but I can’t imagine not taking the money. From the time I was a little girl my dad has wanted to pay for my wedding. They are paying for about half, and I know that it kills him that he can’t do more. My parents were greatly effected by the recession although my dad doesn’t want to admit how much. I think I would severely hurt his feelings and his pride if I refused their help. It won’t put them into debt but it’s not like they have a lot of money to spare either. I know that it is something that they desperately want to do and I am extremely grateful because I honestly wasn’t expecting it.
Post # 14
@eloping: You’re right, they do want me to have it. You’re right in saying it’s a no-win situation.
@DaniSue13: Thanks for sharing. It’s hard because if we did it on our own money, it would be extremely small, almost non-existent (we are buying a house and I’m a grad student = no extra cash whatsoever). And I know that my parents want me to have at least some people there, well THEY also want some people there you know? They want to have a wedding for me I guess. Sigh, I just don’t know!
Post # 15
WHy don’t you take out a loan and pay for it yourself?
Post # 16
Totally felt this way when my parents offered, but there really wasn’t any other choice. I wanted to elope and my mom knew it so I think the offer was as much to prevent that as anything.