I feel bad for him

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

What a shitty position for your friend to put you in. 

Post # 4
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

@SouthernBelAir:  Wow, what a crappy situation for you to be in!  That’s awful.

I can totally understand your desire to call her out, especially since you’re close to him.  Personally, I don’t think I would say anything though, just because I hate conflict…and boy, you’d be in the thick of it if you DID say something..

…what a terrible thing for her to do – to actually TELL people and then in the same breath say she’s not going to tell him!  What a bitchy thing to do.  

Post # 5
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@SouthernBelAir:  …what you don’t know is what you don’t know…and I’m not excusing her behavior or the fact that her little confession non-grata has put you in that awkward place of making a sadistic choice….

I’ve got the exact same thing going on with a REALLY old friend of mine….he was cheating on his girlfriend, relentlessly with strange women he met on Craigslist….yuck…anyway, he tells me everything because I’m kind of like his Jiminy Cricket…. so him giving me this information over an order of Southwestern Egg Rolls at Chilis wasn’t as surprising as the enormous and almost paralyzing pity I felt for his girlfriend….and the abject disgust for his selfish and base actions.

I decided I wasn’t going to tell her a thing, because honestly, it would only ruin her life, embarass her beyond belief and put me in the villain category instead of the real villain…the pussy marauder himself.

But what I did do, was tell him that I was so very disappointed in him, found his choices and actions to be disgusting and base, that they were the toils of a tawdry and small man and that if he ever wanted to be someone I respected or valued again, he would take some time, do a personal inventory and figure out just who he wanted to be…a man or some little boy looking for any and every good place to stick it.

So he did, got his shit together and has commited to being the kind of man she deserves and that I can relate to….I don’t know if he told her or not, and that’s not my business…but I think I did the best a person could with that situation.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@SouthernBelAir:  People often shoot the messenger. Beware. It is almost always best to mind your own business.

Post # 9
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@SouthernBelAir:  its easy to answer that whole gaslighting, I’m going to transfer the anger shit with…”I didn’t cheat on you, she did…I’m here to listen and support you, but I refuse to be held accountable for the actions of your slag ex-girlfriend.”

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@SouthernBelAir:  I disagree. It is not you obligation to get involved in someone’s relationship. I made the mistake once and my friend chose not to believe me, stayed with his girlfriend for another 5 years, and the finally dumped her when he realized she was cheating (well DUH). They both chose to stop talking to me.

If he asks why you didn’t tell him, say because it was none of my business and the issue was between the two of you. Or lie and say you didn’t know. If she’s a cheater, I’m sure he’d be happy to believe she is also a liar. Honestly, I wouldn’t stress over someone else’s drama. It’s not worth it and you did nothing wrong.

Post # 11
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This is a terribly sucky situation. I don’t really have much advice since it’s really a catch 22 type of situation, but good luck! At the end of the day, you most likely should just mind your own business and keep it to yourself, but only you know what the best call to make would be. 

Post # 12
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s a shitty situation to be in, but it’s not your business.  Tell her to get herself together and then stay out of it.  Be there when he finds out, but it’s not on you to blow his relationship out of the water.  She did that, and she has to live with the guilt, not be able to blame you for making up stories.  If she wants to change, she has to live with it forever.  If she doesn’t, he’ll find out and all you can do is be a friend for your friend.

Post # 13
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee

@star_dust:  Just curious, so if your man was cheating on you and you had a good friend who used to hang out with you and she knew, you won’t want to know?

Just curious.

Post # 14
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Butterfly6:  I wasn’t implying that in my post and it’s irrelevant. I was responding to the fact that the OP is deciding whether or not to involve herself in a really messy situation, and sometimes it is better to mind your business and not get involved in someone else’s relationship. I think it’s funny that you singled out my post when there were multiple bees in this thread who also said that she should mind her own business. 

Post # 15
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I say MYOB.

Post # 16
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee

@star_dust:  Oh lawd, it wasn’t meant for you to get upset.  I wanted one person’s opinion because it has always been a topic I have been torn about myself. *rolls eyes*  I did not single you out.  You were just the last post that made the particular comment so I was too freaking lazy to scroll up further.  Calm down.

And the question I asked was on topic. 

Nevermind. Uggh.

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