(Closed) I feel bad for my FMIL

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can you tell your FMIL you’d love to have a second “reception” with her side of the family? Someting inexpensive, but still sort of a get together? I know it’ll end up being a family reunion, but hey….

She’ll get over it. It’s not about her showing you off to family anyways!

Post # 4
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think EJS’s idea of a “second reception” is a great one!  I know of one international couple that had 3 receptions — one in Paris (her hometown), one in Taiwan (his home country), and one in the US (where they lived and all of their friends were). That way they were able to include as many people as possible.  Maybe your FI wouldn’t be so resistant to a big “party” as opposed to a big “wedding.” 

You’re a sweetheart for wanting to make your FMIL feel better about moving the wedding, by the way.  She’s lucky to get such an awesome daughter-in-law 🙂  And I’m sorry about the immigration stuff!  What a pain in the neck 🙁

Post # 5
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry to hear this! I think, at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you & your hubby, not his mom. I know that SHE would like a big wedding in NZ, but if he says he wants a smaller one here in the US, you have to respect that (if that’s ok with you & what you want too). 

That being said, it is sweet that you feel bad for her. I would just talk to her– tell her how you feel, and that no matter what the size of the wedding, you want her to feel special on your big day even if it isn’t exactly how she pictured it.

A second reception could be a great idea, or even a low key party or shower of sorts in NZ.

Post # 6
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Aww. My FI and I had to deal with this with our families. My family was appalled by the idea we wouldn’t have a wedding in Canada (legally we aren’t allowed to wed here, must be US soil) & his family was horrified that they would have to get passports & travel to Canada from middle-of-nowhere Kentucky. We’re going the second reception route as well.  

Having a reception in NZ, may not seem as wonderful as having a big huge family wedding, but it will have to do. You can’t dispute immigration issues. If you don’t follow the law: someone gets deported!!

I’m sure she’ll be okay… maybe try to keep her involved in the planning process as much as you can? Keep her up to date & get her excited for the US wedding! 

Post # 8
Member
46 posts
Newbee

My friend had to do this with her FI’s family that was overseas and they planned a ‘second reception’ for their 1st anniversary when all the family could attend.  She also didn’t want any kind of ‘traditional’ wedding events, and it turned out really well for them.  they had a family afternoon BBQ and everyone had a great time.

Good luck!!!

Post # 9
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

wildstyle – you are just a sweet and wonderful person!

I dont’ really think there is much else you could do besides have a follow up reception in NZ.

Post # 11
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I know how much your FMIL was involved in planning the wedding in NZ but it is your day, not her’s. I think the best you can do is have the 2nd reception everyone is talking about, maybe let her go wild and plan whatever she wants so she can have her traditional reception.

Some people in our parents generations have a set idea about what a wedding is (FMIL is shocked no one is having flowers except me for instance), but I think she’ll love your vegas wedding,it’s the marriage that is most important anyway.

Post # 12
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Having a big family can be hard, I have one and so does fiance so I know how you feel!  I like the idea of the reception in NZ, could you maybe make it really casual so you and your fiance still feel comfortable and then your FMIL will still have the big shindig.

Good luck, hang in there!

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