Post # 1
so after 2 years together and a year of being engaged I broke it off with my fiancé, I finally realised how controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive he was being and I knew it would only escalate if I stayed.
while I’m much more happy and relaxed since leaving I am finding that I am having trouble even considering marriage in the future, the fun and excitement I always felt growing up and when I initially got engaged when thinking about my future wedding has changed to sadness, fear and anxiety. I feel like the whole idea of weddings and marriage has been tainted and poisoned. From dealing with the abuse to having to cancel my dress.
bees, please, I WANT to want to get married at some point in the future…how do I not let my past engagement overshadow any future relationship/engagement?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’d put weddings out of my head entirely. It’s normal to feel how you do b/c of where you just were, emotionally. The wedding is tied to the man– in your head. But you are DONE with that for the time being. You have a long road of healing ahead of you that shouldn’t involve any thoughts of engagement at ALL.
You should continue enjoying your new-found sense of freedom, safety, and peace. You don’t need fun and excitement now anyway, and you don’t need it related to relationships for DAMN sure. Sorry if I”m being harsh, but you don’t want to jump into any relationship for a long time.
If it is doable, how about some personal counseling? And/OR I’d get a fun hobby that involves buying lots of important fiddly things and focus on creating beautiful crafts or art.
WAAAAY down the road, when you find the decent, loving man you deserve, trust me, you will find that fun again.
Post # 4
@StevieJo: seriously; get a kitten, or a pup. from a rescue if all at possible…they are the best little guys to help heal from an abusive relationship, because they give you unconditional love and you can give love back …getting healing in that process by taking that love and applying it to a relationship that is “safe” right now…except for me it was a horse…LOL
Post # 5
Oh I’m definetly not getting into any relationship for quite a long time, I know I need time to find me again and heal I guess I just wanted reassurance that down the road, if and when I find love again, that I will be able to go into it without the fear and anxiety I currently am feeling
. I appreciate the advice I have already made an appointment with a psychologist to talk things out and as a matter of fact I already have a border collie who came with me when I left but I am picking up a little ragdoll kitten in a few weeks so both of my fur kids will keep me busy plus I am enrolling my collie into agility and searching for a new job.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
@StevieJo: I think you are on the right track and honestly, I think you will be absolutely fine. Pets are fantastic!
Eventually you will look back on this and see yourself as almost a new person. And at that point you may have some nervousness about engagements, etc, but once you have a solid, loving relationship, the idea of a wedding will no longer be tainted. I imagine it will feel 100% different.
Post # 7
When the right guy comes, you’ll be ready and nothing but excited and happy. Don’t worry. If it makes you actually feel good, think about your dream guy! Think about the wonderful things you are free to have now! Lol, and I’m up late (3:38 am) because my fiance lives and is from Australia lol. So, don’t limit yourself to locals when you are ready to finally find someone. You’ll never know where your soulmate is. 🙂
Post # 8
@StevieJo: I don’t have much advise. Just take things one day at a time. Don’t let him ruin the thought of marriage & weddings for you! Really I just wanted to tell you I applaud you for leaving a bad situation. You are a strong woman!
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club
StevieJo: I wanted to say that what you did was so brave. Not many can do this; trust me. I have seen what abusive relationships can do; and staying with them. I have seen my parents become bitter with their relationship; I saw my Sister pass away because of this. It will get better. I got out of a relationship that was abusive for 5 years: what did it for me was, what will I do if I have children? That’s when we had to end it.
Fast forward almost 3 years: I found a beautiful man who loves me and cares for me; its really odd to see such a genuinely fantastic man; and we are engaged.
I have faith that you will find someone who deserves you; it will happen with time. You deserve someone as strong and hopeful as you.
EDIT: also, bravo for seeking assistance from a psychologist. It helped me loads; and my FI has joined me in my sessions; so he can understand my fears and worries due to my past relationship. He has been supportive throughout all this. You are truly doing so much good, i love it!