(Closed) I feel horrible – not sure if I am making the right decision

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What’s more important to you a wedding or a marriage?

You language sounds like a wedding is the most important thing to you.  If it’s not, you should reframe your mind a bit here.

Our parents aren’t offering us anything – but that doesn’t mean we’re calling off the wedding it just means we’re adjusting our celebration to be something we can handle and be done with it. 

If you think your dad’s money is a slight I might even give it back to your dad.   He’s aware of the social consequences of not giving you the money required to throw a lavish wedding so don’t worry about him.  Focus on your union and your future together and try to take our mind of your parents. 

Post # 5
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Do you feel like you need to have a wedding reception to please your fiancé and his family? What do you and your boyfriend want? 

Post # 6
Member
8315 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You can have a nice wedding on a small budget. Hundreds/thousands of brides do it every year! The other option is that you can pay for your own wedding or at least contribute to the generous amount that your father is giving you.

Post # 7
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I find it difficult to give advice on this one when we obviously have such different attitudes.

The age difference between my FI and I is about the same as the age different between you two. However, we’re a bit younger (I’m in my 20s) and therefore probably earn less. We also both come from reasonably well-off families, although my family is better off than FIs and can easily afford pretty much anything I throw at them wedding-wise.

…BUT, I never once assumed that my parents would pay for my wedding. I never asked them for a financial contribution, either. I was perfectly prepared to pay for it myself and keep things to a tight budget. My parents did of course offer to pay, but I am grateful for anything the wish to offer me and work with them to keep things within my given budget. In fact, I’m aiming to come in well under budget which would still give me more than I could have ever afforded myself.

For me, the most important part is getting to marry my FI. The rest is just details. I obviously want everyone to have a nice day, but as long as they’re fed and watered then the rest is just niceties.

I would suggest re-evaluating your priorities. If your parent’s contribution doesn’t go as far as you would like, why don’t you make up the rest yourself? Work within your budget. Anyone who thinks you have been to cheap can just get stuffed, to be perfectly honest. The day isn’t about impressing stuffy old relatives…

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

At almost 50, a man really should be able to pay for a wedding instead of asking for help from parents. Throw the wedding that you can afford, even if it means waiting.

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m mostly concerned that you said you “like him enough” vs. “love him enough.”

Think about if he is the man you want to be with 100% no matter what. If so, everything else will fall into place.

Post # 10
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 I feel like I like him enough that I am ok with that.


This is the warmest, most passionate statement you make about him in your entire post. Regardless of any financial issues, it just sounds to me like you’re lukewarm about the marriage itself, and the wedding issues are an extension of that.

Post # 11
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you’re not sure, don’t marry him. You can love someone and they can be a good person and it does not mean you should marry them. A marriage is about more than just love – it is also about compatability and about being a team that is better together than apart. Are you sure you two are compatible? Are you sure your life will be better in the long run if you are together? It sounds like you are making a lot of compromises here and that’s not always a good thing.

Post # 12
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Based solely off this post, I don’t think this is the guy you should be marrying.  You only said you “like” him not love him.  Your parents don’t want to put out the money for your wedding because they think it won’t work out, and I think they’re on to something there.  

Post # 13
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I don’t get it… you’re an adult, but you expect your Dad to pay for your wedding? Why not pay for your own wedding, and tell everyone else to suck it up? Honestly… I’m just going to say it… you seem to have these strange preconceived notions of money, whereby only people with big bucks can ever have kids or get married. I’m not telling you to be irresponsible and have more children than you can support etc, but people get married and raise families on very low budgets every day. They do it with hard work and selfless behaviour.

Is there something I’m missing here?

Post # 14
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Rachel631:   +1.

Post # 16
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I was going to comment about the “like” statement as did ProfessorGirl ….and I am of the same opinion, it seems like you ‘like’ him but don’t love him so I would say don’t marry…you would only end up hurting eacother in the long run.

 

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