Post # 1
After multiple, frustrating conversations and back and forth episodes with my mom, I made a declaration this morning, we would plan no more until FI, parents and I had a convo about money. They have tried to hold their offerings over my head and it’s caused me so much stress…I don’t even want the money anymore!
I’m done with being the parrot…repeating or re-writing emails to my mom with things she refuses to record. I’m tired of sending lovely, easy to read spreadsheets, she doesn’t bother to save or read. And I’m done being told we will have money for you on this date and it doesn’t arrive. These are all their offers…not our requests.The proverbial straw was my mom asking me to reformat a spreadsheet in a manner my step dad wants to see. No. I am not a secretary.
I have asked 3 times to have a frank open conversation about money (how much they feel comfortable with, limitations, to thank them in person) and they have refused each time. I have provided all the information they have asked for, the moment I got it x10 and they still ask…Still.
But today, it stops. We’re done. And I just wanted to share how light I feel!!!! Why didn’t I do this sooner?! I really don’t care where I get married. Really! I just care about FI and our HM! I used to care about my dress the most behind FI and while I love it, I could get married without it. So ya…I should have done this months ago.
I guess you live and learn.
Post # 3
Good for you! That would be really frustrating. My parents are paying for almost our entire wedding, but I havent had any issues so far. I did make it very clear in advance that if we were going to have this wedding (initally I wanted to elope and just go to Europe for a month-long honeymoon) then all of the decisions would be mine and FI’s. As long as its in the budget, its our choice – not my parents’ just because they are paying. Ive read so many posts where parents are trying to hijack the wedding and make all of the decisions – nightmare!
Post # 4
@adoc86: I hate the assumption that “the person who pays has power.”
I can’t imagine gifting my friend money with a Target gift card and then telling her she MUST buy socks with it!
Post # 5
@adoc86: Thanks! All of this started (them wanting to pay) because I wanted to go away, just us and get married. My mom was really annoyed by this and that’s when the money offers started coming through. So you can see, it’s not for “us”…it’s for them and how they will look to others. Like they didn’t come to us and say, “We’d like to give you _____”. It’s literally come in pieces and it’s been stalled for nearly 2 months. It’s stressing me out!
My parents haven’t tried to totally take over…thank goodness. But this squeaking the money out has got to go. Either they have it, want to give it, etc. Or they don’t!
I’m ready to just get married…he and I and be done with it. I’m happy to wait to do it on the date we want…but ya…I just want it done! This wedding stuff is for the birds.
Post # 6
@Chrysoberyl: That’s a very good point!
My mom refuses to gift people cash because she wants them to buy what she thinks they should. They get gift cards to a specific store. She doesn’t even like to give the Visa/AX gift cards….she says it’s too close to cash.
She doesn’t realize people can sell gift cards…for cash but I say nothing.