(Closed) I feel like a horrible mom and wife… Long

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 4
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

You’re doing good!  Crying is not a sign of weakness!  Shreiking children make everyone insane and I don’t know a single person on this Earth that doesn’t feel overworked, underpaid, generally disinfranchised and pissed…it’s fine!

I know you didn’t want advice, but can your daughter go visit a grandparent, best friend or favey Aunt for a weekend and you can get away somewhere for two days?  Even if it’s just to your sister’s house to sleep in if you want to, have someone else make you a meal and possbily have a conversation that doesn’t center around who does what?

Taking a second to recharge doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart one, the better you are to yourself, the more you have to give to your daughter, and your husband, I know he’s not your favorite person right now…but we all thrive from kindness, and generosity begets generosity….

Be kind to yourself!

Post # 6
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You are not a horrible mom, you are blessed to be able to stay home and care for your family but girl you need a break. 

You need to talk to your husband and tell him you need some help at least on the weekends and maybe make a day date with a girlfriend once or twice a month for some sanity. 

I work but I was once a SAHM and I would loose it not having any time off or contact with the real world. I really hope your husband comes around. 

You should so what my friend does, she wakes up before anyone on Saturday mornings and leaves for a few hours to do whatever she wants. 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I totally get your situation about houses not staying clean, and it being like pulling teeth to have your SO not want to help. FI is the main breadwinner, and I’m a full time student. 

The fact that you do that with kids is amazing! I get stressed out keeping my (big) condo clean. You’re able to do it with kids! Pat yourself on the back. Kids are the messiest wee creatures ever.

Just remember that you’re doing an awesome job 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You are NOT a horrible mom, you sound like a very normal woman.  You NEED time to yourself or you will go crazy and your DH needs to understand that.  Can you hire a baby sitter so you can have a day to “work on you”.  Keep your chin up, it will get better!

Post # 12
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsDPal811:  Yeah, anything is better than nothing. My girlfriend will go get some coffee and spend hours just walking around Target looking at stuff, taking her time. Sometimes she wont even buy a thing. 

Post # 13
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsDPal811:  It really sounds like you and your husband resent each other. I hate to jump on the ‘go see a counsellor’ bandwagon, but that might be a good thing.

You’re mad he doesn’t help and gets a break on weekends, he’s mad that you get to sleep in and stay home all day.

You need to have a good chat and start to understand what each of you is sacrificing and what your ultimate goals are. I think a SAHM is one of the hardest, most thankless jobs there is.

I agree you need a break. Just because you don’t earn $$ doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to have a break every now and then.

Would it be possible to go back to work or get a part-time job? I’m just curious since you don’t seem to enjoy being a SAHM… I don’t think it’s as simple as ‘I wish he’d help out once in a while’.

 

Post # 14
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You’re not a bad mom or wife.  I work now but when I was on leave there were times when I thought I’d lose it.  It’s very isolating and it’s hard never really getting a “break.” Sure the baby naps, but I’d usually spend that time running around doing chores and getting dinner started.  Something I did (and still do) to retain my sanity was grocery shopping.  Seems mundane, but when I was home all the time it was my sanctuary.  Still is, really.  I go by myself and take my sweet ass time, leisurely walking up and down the aisles just savoring being by myself.  I also get a facial or pedicure every other week which gives me a break from work and mommy duties.

You sound really stressed out and overwhelmed, which is totally natural.  Making sure you get a little “you” time once a week at a minimum, will help a lot.

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsDPal811:  

Oh man. You’re not a bad mom or a bad wife. You just sound overwhelmed.

There, there. *hugs* 

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