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you are not horrible! i think its only natural to have those thoughts and to wish one way or the other.
My mom had 3 girls in a row and my dad wished for a boy..he didnt have to wait long - my mom was pregnant with my brother when i was just barely 6 weeks old.
10 fingers, 10 toes, healthy baby, that is all that matters.
Sadly, I'm not a mom yet. So I really can only guess what you're feeling. But I do know wanting your husband's happiness is actually very admirable and selfless and do not beat yourself up.
haha don't feel bad, it's normal to want something you don't have. It's also normal to want to give your husband what he wants.
My mom had 5 girls. Yes, 5! she hoped it was a boy after the first 3 girls, but nope girls everytime. My dad was disappointed before we were born, but once he held us he was sold. HE ADORED ALL OF US!
My mom and dad divorced and my dad remarried and his new wife got pregnant and HAD A GIRL! lol My dad to this day laughs about it, but also says he couldn't imagine it any other way.
Don't worry he can do everything with her as he could do with a boy. That's how my dad raised us and we learned how to fish, build things, play baseball etc.... We are daddy's girls and he did everything he said he wanted to do if he had a boy and it was no different. We had a good time growing up!
Lucky you, you are going to have a healthy baby! What more could you ask for!!! :)
I am not pregnant yet, but I would like a boy first when we do start TTC. My husband is also a little afraid to have a baby girl. lol!
Will you be disappointed if you find out you're having a girl? Possibly. Will you give a darn about the gender of the baby when she's placed in your arms? I'll bet not.
I bet far more people feel this way than would ever admit publicly!! Don't feel bad, all you can do is hope it works out the way you want - and if it doesn't you won't have any choice but to love that baby once you meet her anyways :)
My parents really wanted ME to be a boy, so I understand completely! And honestly I would prefer to have a boy at least as my first born because I think little girls are kind of evil AND my DH would probably do a lot more work because of the whole father/son bonding thing so it would ease me into becoming a Mom. But, since we can't choose I am also just going to be happy with whatever we end up having :)
After the tech told us it was a girl I was pissed. I cried all the way home. I wanted a boy so badly. DH still says "he" instead of "she." It took a while for me to get over. It's natural to want a "big brother" for any future siblings I think.
Don't feel bad. What you're feeling is natural. You want a boy, but of course you know there's a 50/50 chance!
If it makes you feel better, I have an elderly neighbor who has 5 sons. Her sons were born before ultrasounds and all that. They just had to wait until the baby was born to find out the sex of the baby. Anyway, her husband loves to tell the story that they tried 5 times to have a girl. Bob says when the 5th and last child was born and the doctor announced "It's a boy!" his wife burst into tears and became emotionally distraught. So, compared to this woman having a tantrum at the birth of her 5th son, what you're feeling is nothing!
There's absolutely NOTHING WRONG with you feeling that way. I too have two daughter and FI has mentioned more than once that he wants to try for a boy. Personally I don't want to chance having another girl so having a baby is currently out of the picture. I'm not negotiating because we can't be sure of the outcome. I wish you guys the best of luck and try not to be so hard on yourself.
I feel the same way - we aren't pregnant yet, but have already had this chat. DH really wants a boy and I really want a girl. I told DH that I would definitely want to find out if we're having a boy or girl beforehand so I can wrap my head around it before there's another little person in our lives. I had a great relationship with my mom when I was growing up, and I want to have that with my daughter. So, I'd probably be disappointed at first with a boy just because I wouldn't have that same experience right away, but again healthy baby is #1.
Definately do not feel bad, we are having a boy and I wanted a girl! I was a little disappointed for about a week but now I am okay and happy we are having a boy.
Oh, you are not a terrible person! I think it's totally normal to have a gender preference. The good news is, most people fall in love the second that baby is born, regardless of what they had hoped for.
I thought my husband would be disappointed if we had a girl (we were team green and he was convinced our daughter was a boy), but he literally fell head over heels the moment she was born. Even now, he's the absolute best daddy to our little girl, and he says, hands down, he wouldn't trade her in for anything.
I was disappointed when I found out the gender too. I always imagined having a boy first, maybe because that's what I know, it's what I grew up with. I think about it every now and then and laugh at the fact that I was upset. It's true, you love them anyway.
I know I will love our baby no matter boy or girl. I just can't help feel that sense of disappointment if it is a girl. My daughters also want a little brother. So no pressure I guess :) We have friends who just found out they were having a girl and the husband was for sure it was a boy. I don't know, I guess I am just venting my fear of laying there on the ultrasound table and hear, it's a girl and burst into tears like a spoiled child not getting what I want.
My husband wanted a boy so bad and I really wanted a girl. When we found out we were having a girl I felt so guilty that I got what I wanted and he didn't. Honestly though, our daughter is 12 weeks old and neither of us ever think about wishing she was a boy at first.
Don't feel bad. I think it's natural to have gender preferenced. My dad wanted only girls and was admittedly disappointed when my brother was born, (before ultrasounds). But I think he got over it in like 2 seconds.
Don't feel bad. This is SUCH a normal feeling.
I wanted a girl so badly that I was really afraid for the 20week scan. I knew that if it was a boy, I would be so dissapointed. I felt bad about wanting it SO badly.
I think this is just another case of "many people feel like this but people are often not really honest about these feelings"
SO many of us have felt this exact same way and it does NOT make you a bad mother.
Haha, I always tell about our family friends who had two girls and tried one more time for a boy, and got TWIN girls. Gave up, got snipped, got it REVERSED to try again for a boy, and got a girl again. Sixth try they got the boy.
I think it's totally natural to have a preference, or at least a preconceived notion of what your family might look like that's hard to let go of. It doesn't make you a bad mom!
We aren't TTC yet but we both SOOOOOO want a boy but I think we are jinxing oursleves LOL. No matter what we will be happy either way. But can't pretend we don't have a preference.
@SapphireSun: Haha, that reminds me of some of our family friends. Boy, boy...give it one more try, and they get boy/boy/girl! Triplets! At least that girl squeaked in there, because I'm sure they were done!
We're not TTC yet, but Mr.ND and I both would like a girl first, but I'm sure we'll be excited for whatever we get when it gets to that point.
My SO and I don't want kids but if we did happen to have one, he said he wanted a girl and I said I wanted a boy. So I would feel horrible if it came out either way. Either he would be disappointed or I would. But when you first see your new baby, you are going to love him or her no matter what. You two will know you created him or her TOGETHER and that is what will matter most.
Thanks ladies :):) I do feel a little better. I am hopeful we are having a boy. I feel it is only because this pregnancy is completey opposite of my girls. I never had one day of feeling bad with them. I felt great. This one, ugh! There were days that I couldn't think of eating or I would feel like heeving. I guess the biggest reason for hoping and praying for a boy is mainly because of hubby. I know he can do all the sports things and stuff with a girl, and he does with my girls, but I want so badly for him to have that father/son relationship he never got to experience. I am very close to my parents and so is my brother. Hubby never got that. The only reason he got to play sports in school was because of his grandparents. His own parents were never around. It's still like that today. His brother is a year younger and has a better relationship with their parents than hubby. Hubby went to live with his grandparents when he was 8 because his parents were just never around. It still hurts hubby alot and I try to help him get past it. His brother is mad at him because he feels hubby got a better and easier life than he did. I remind hubby all the time that if his brother should be mad at anyone, it should be their parents not hubby. Their parents will go a month or more without calling hubby if he doesn't call them. It just makes my heart hurt for him. He is such a caring guy and just wants that relationship with his parents and for them to love him but it will never happen. So I guess we will see around August 19th what we are having :)
I think you're just admitting what a lot of pregnant women think privately. I was thrilled when I found out about our son - I knew my husband wanted a boy and I always wanted an older brother.
I don't think it in any way means you're a bad person, I think desiring a certain gender in a certain order is just kind of an "in an ideal world" thing, because at the end of the day we're just happy to have a healthy baby.
This is a completely normal reaction. Just because you were sad when you found out doesnt mean that you dont love your girls and wont love this one. Its raw emotion that came out and thats okay!! You are NOT a horrible person. FI was very sad that we had a boy he wanted a girl for some reason.. badly. He of course is fine now. It will work out perfectly.
@organizedbride11: We haven't found out what this one is yet :) We find out next month. We had an ultrasound at 13 weeks and the tech was around the booty area and baby had it's legs spread wide open and you could definitely see a turtle there. I am hoping it stays there and doesn't fall off before our 20 week scan next month.
I have been looking at girl nurseries and OMG!! They have so much more cooler stuff now than when my girls were born!
Don't feel bad. My husband said he would be disappointed with a girl and then later that night apologized to me over and over. I told him not to worry about it. I thought it was normal especially him being a guy. Me, I didn't care either way but he is getting his boy :)
We are having the girl that we both wanted, but I would honestly have been disappointed if it had turned out to be a boy. You can't help your feelings.
90% of the world wants a boy first. its a lot of pressure. Its good chances it will be a boy if the ultrasound tech said it looks like it.
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I sat at my desk today and looked over all 3 sets of our ultrasound pictures that we have had so far this pregnancy. Our last ultrasound was at 13w. Baby measured 14 weeks and the tech said it looked like a boy. Before I even got pregnant, my hubby has always said he wanted a boy and so do I. I have 2 girls already from a previous marriage. My biggest reason for wanting a boy so badly is because hubby never really had a father/son relationship with his own dad growing up and still doesn't. Hubby actually was raised by his grandparents ( long story there) Hubby has said before that he would be kind of disappointed if we are having a girl. And to be honest, I would be too. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled we are pregnant and want a healthy baby no matter if it's a boy or girl. I am just afraid to go in for our anomaly scan and hear the words it's a girl and burst out in tears because I am disappointed. I hate feeling this way. I love my girls to pieces and wouldn't trade them for anything.
Has anyone else felt this way?
I spend alot of my time now researching early ultrasound accuracy and all that. I know hubby will love the baby no matter what, but I really want him to have a son.
I feel like the absolute WORST mother in the world!