Post # 1
My sister just got engaged and while I’m happy for I’m a little .. [not sure what the word is to describe how I’m feeling].
I can admit part of me is a little jealous, my mom lamented what a beautiful bride my sister would be and took little to no interest in my wedding- though she spent quite a bit of time reminding me I gained weight (my sister is the same weight). She’s also really happy for my sister and I didn’t get the same sort of reaction. It’s sort of hurtful, but I can deal with these feelings. I’m the oldest- whenever I reach the next phase of my life the parent units freak out because it’s “new.” By the time the younger siblings hit the same point it’s no big deal.
What I’m having trouble coming to terms with are my feelings towards my sister. She was my MOH and sort of ruined my wedding two years ago with no apologies. Some of the gems: She called my husband’s Aunt a bitch publicly, got drunk/angry and threw a drink on my mom, and then stood on a table stomping her feet cussing my mother out. There were many more offenses, but those are the things that really stood out. There are more details to the Aunt situation, but for times sake I won’t got into it. My sister feels her actions were justified that night. They were not.
It’s difficult because I know my husband is still sort of mad she never apologized. When he heard my sis was engaged he jokingly said, “Well we’re going to have to buy you some sweat pants and a dirty tank to change into during the reception and perhaps call one of her in-laws a name.” He wasn’t serious, but the lack of an apology gets to him.
I brought the situation up to her a year after the wedding and she laughed about it and my parents made excuses for her. My husband also has mentioned it, when he heard her response he told her he didn’t feel what she did was right and left it alone.
I feel like a jerk because this is bothering me. We’re celebrating the engagement tonight and I need to put on my big girl pants and just be happy. Can anyone relate or have a similar story?
Post # 3
Wow, it is completely understandable that you have mixed feelings about it – that does NOT make you a jerk!! Did you and your sis otherwise have a strained relationship, or was this a one-off?
Post # 4
Hmm I don’t think you’re a jerk.
I say just make all those comments between you and your husband, and try to put on a smile for the family. No use starting up drama again.
Post # 5
no way, you’re completely justified. if she’s not enough of a big girl to realize that her actions were out of line and still refuses to apologize, I don’t know why she thinks she’s mature enough for marriage. it’s whatever though… I’d be pleasant but I wouldn’t go out of my way to gush about it. If you don’t feel it, there’s no need to put up a front.
Post # 6
@mightywombat: We have a good relationship for the most part. I love her, she loves me. Occassionally I’m not totally fond of her actions/behavior (she can be really hot cold) but I’m not perfect either.
@SapphireSun: Totally agree.
Thanks for your input, hearing I’m not totally crazy helps, but I don’t wan to rehatch the drama either.
Post # 7
I think it’s hard to be happy for someone who has been such a ridiculous bitch in the past. Your sister acted RIDICULOUS at your wedding. I’d have a hard time being 100% happy for her to. If she thinks those actions are okay at YOUR wedding, i wonder what she’ll pull out for hers. Or in her marriage. Yikes
Post # 8
Ugh. Sounds like a crappy situation. I think you’re perfectly sane feeling the way you do. I agree with PP who said be pleasant but no need to gush. Hopefully, you won’t have to be too awfully involved in the planning or setup for her wedding, so that you don’t have to be around this too much. I know that sounds kind of bad, but if it were me, I’d want to distance myself from the situation a little and not be forced to do a bunch of wedding prep for someone who acted such a fool at my own wedding.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone. I had lunch with them both today (first time I’ve really met him- I live across the country) and he’s really great. She’s a lot different with him, still has her quirks, but that’s just how she is. They’ve only been dating 5 months, I guess when you know you know. I’m happy for her and want to help her plan the wedding of her dreams. Thanks for the support- I was getting kind of down yesterday after listening to my parents/sister coo over the engagement. It’s stupid. Big girl pants are on.
Post # 10
@maureen9004: Yay! Good for you for beong the bigger person and rising above the situation. I know that I would’ve had a mixed reaction as well…and I don’t think that you were a jerk for feeling that way. Maybe with time she’ll realize how stressful a wedding can be and will finally understand that her actions were inappropriate…especially for a wedding!