I feel like a bad friend…

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@urchin:  This happened to friends of ours this past fall.  She was EBF her 2 month old and the ceremony was outside, she had planned to bring baby but the weather out there was so crappy Labour Day weekend she left him with her parents, they brought him out after the ceremony to nurse right before dinner and they stayed for dinner and a couple dances and then left.

ETA:  You’re not a shitty friend!  The couple will understand – and who knows, after this shitty winter maybe it will still be 20degrees in October!

 

Post # 4
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@urchin:  First off, congrats! 🙂 I would just be upfront with her, I’m sure she will understand! Your baby comes first and if you can’t make it, you can’t make it. I honestly wouldn’t even ask if someone would be willing to watch the baby because he/she will still be SO young. Especially if this is your first (?) then babies have a tendency to make a late appearance. 

You are not a bad friend, this is an exciting time for the BOTH of you! I would maybe see if you can get together after the wedding and honeymoon, just the two of you, for dinner to celebrate maybe? That way you still get to spend time with her and show your love and excitement! 

Post # 7
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Something similar happened to us when we got married.  One of our good friends was having a baby in April, the month we got married.  She had to be in bed rest for the rest of her last trimester, which of course included April and our wedding day.  They told us ahead of time what was happening.  We understood and def didnt expect them to come to our wedding.  However, her DH showed for a couple of hours while she stayed home resting.  It was nice that he made the attempt.  We didnt expect that at all, so we were very happy to at least see one of them at our wedding. Can maybe your DH make an appaerance for the both of you?  GL and congratulations on your pregnancy 🙂

Post # 8
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@urchin:  I think you have a very good reason for not attending. I would just be honest with your friends and offer to treat them to dinner out once they get back from their honeymoon and have settled in a bit. You could always send a card and cash. You could also send her some flowers and champagne on her wedding day, some brunch stuff to the bridal suite, etc.

I had a similar circumstance a couple of years ago in that I had elective surgery scheduled soon after a west-coast based wedding of a close friend and I had to stick close to home so that I could prep for the procedure. I still feel a little bad about it but my friends totally understood. I sent them a nice card and check so that gesture, in the very least, made me feel a little better about missing out on their nice day.

Post # 11
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we had 2 couple that recenltly had babies around our wedding.  one couple didn’t come , they were DH’s cousins.  the other couple, only the husband came., he was DH’s friend.

i think you should tell your friend.  if she is a good friend, she will understand and offer a solution that works for her. i’m sure she wants you to be there.

Post # 12
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

@urchin:  You’re not a bad friend at all. You can’t control the situation and need to do what is best for your little one. Actually, my best friend is pregnant and her baby will be 4 months by the time my wedding rolls around. I’ve told her that I don’t expect her to come but she is insisting it will be okay. I wouldn’t hold it against her either way. Her baby is more important than my wedding! 

If you are not able to attend, I’d just send my congratulations and a nice gift. I am sure a good friend would understand!

Post # 13
Member
3989 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do you know for sure that your baby is going to be invited?  That might solve the issue altogether.

Post # 14
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

Let’s hope that it isn’t cold next October. I’m hoping for an extended summer since it has been so cold this winter. Maybe it’ll be super warm, and baby can attend! Anyway, I’m sure your friends will be understanding. If we had to plan pregnancies around everyone else’s events there would be no children! Just let them know that if it is not warm enough outside that you won’t be able to stay for the entire wedding because the baby will be too young to leave alone for hours at a time.

Post # 16
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@urchin:  I’m in the same boat… sorta.

Two super good friends of mine are marrying 4 days after my due date. There is just no way I could make it, so I’m sending them a nice gift with my regrets. It sucks I can’t be there, but even if it was two weeks before or even after I’d have to consider how very very uncomfortable I would be either enormously pregnant in the July heat, or swelled beyond belief, probably leaking like a cow all over the place because I would be thinking about my baby the whole time…

Your friends will understand. Mine d. And you are in no way a bad friend for having a baby. If you were telling them they couldnt get married because you were having a baby…wellllll that wouldnt be very nice… but that’s not the case.

Good luck to you!

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