(Closed) I feel like a terrible person…

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 4
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Have you considered talking to someone?  Feelings of constant lonliness, unhappiness, feelings of inadequacy, and lots of crying all suggest depression.  There is a lot of change happening in your life, and sometimes these changes can turn into huge stressors.  Perhaps you’re not being selfish.  I don’t know if this is what you’re facing, but if it is, don’t be afraid to get help.  Sometimes the hardest step is just picking up the phone.  And sometimes all it takes is a few monthly meetings with an unbiased professional who can give you tips to refocus your thinking and get on a more positive track.

As for the bridesmaids, I think a lot of us face that, myself included.  It’s hard to really ‘get it’ unless you have planned a wedding yourself.  When it really bugs your, remind yourself that no one ever cares about your wedding as much as you do.  They may not be trying to hurt you, it’s just not their wedding.


Post # 5
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First off, you are not a terrible person. The way you’re feeling is a disease or a disorder, just like chicken pox or lupus or ms or diabetes. It’s not your fault that you feel this way.

Believe me — depression and anxiety runs on BOTH sides of my family. I have had it for my entire life and it has waxed and waned over the years, depending on what’s going on in my life, both good and bad.

I have felt every single feeling you are describing at one time or another. Sometimes it’s so strong and overwhelming I feel like I can’t get out of bed in the morning. Other times it’s barely on my mind. There ARE times when I feel so happy and free that I can’t understand how I could ever be anything but.

But it DOES happen. Sometimes I get knocked off my feet and have moments of depression, anxiety, guilty, sadness, jealousy, etc. And the fact that I want to correct those feelings makes me feel selfish, like you.

My advice is to go see a therapist. I know there’s a “stigma” attached to seeing a “shrink,” but believe me it helps. And you might have to try 2 or 3 people before you find the right one. And it’s not going to be an overnight cure. It’s something you have to work on continually.

Ask that therapist or your PCP about medications. I was hesitant to take meds, and there have been times when I could go without, but right now I definitely need them. There is some trial and error with this too, so be patient and find a doctor who’s willing to listen to you and your wants and concerns and doesn’t just throw random pills down your throat.

Take some self help books out of the library. I have a hard time reading non-fiction books but there are some out there that spoke to me, so there should be some that speak to you as well.

Take yoga, learn to meditate, or spend some time taking up a new hobby or rediscovering an old one — something that is for YOU and you alone. It will help you relax and give you a chance to be selfish and take care of yourself without feeling guilty.

Sorry if I’m sounding preachy. I don’t have all the answers and I still struggle with this on almost a daily basis, but believe me you are not alone and you are NOT a terrible person.

Feel free to PM me for anything and hang in there. Once you start feeling better, you will appreciate the good things in your life even more and you’ll be able to be happy for others without getting down on your own life.

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