(Closed) I feel like an arse…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Thank them for their offer and tell them you’d like some time to consider it. You don’t need to take the money with not-so-subtle strings attached like that. Talk it over with your FI and see if having the financial help is worth letting go of some of the guest list control. If it’s not, then thank your grandparents but tell them that you’d like to decline and just enjoy their company there and maintain your small/intimate guest list. 

Post # 5
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I told my parents that if they wanted me to invite their friends they’d have to pay for it. I get where your gp are comming from, but youre right its kinda strings attached thing and thats not very cool.

Post # 6
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That is so sneaky of your grandparents but at least they offered to pay for their guest before they made demands of who should be invited. I agree with PP, talk this over with your SO and see if you guys are ok with the extra cash that comes with the extra guest attached.

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

oh. And you are not an arse for what you are feeling.

Post # 8
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@miz fizzix: I totally hear you. (btw, you’re not an arse) Mr.ND’s folks are paying for our reception since they wanted a big one with all the family, etc, and we’d been planning a much smaller affair. It’s a bit awkward, I’m not going to lie. As long as you and the grandparents talk about the expectations clearly and lay it all out at the beginning, it might work out.

My tip: don’t wait until the $$ is already being spent to find out what they really want/expect…stuff gets messy. 

Post # 9
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Assuming you are stable enough without the money (even if a bit tight) I’d suggest politely decining, say you don’t need it, and then invite whoever you want.

Post # 10
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you are able to not use the money, I would just decline. You don’t want guilt and to be roped into things you don’t want just because they helped you out.

Post # 11
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t know. I would giggle at the little “manipulation” but I would probably appease my grandparents. That’s really sweet of them in a sneaky sort of way. It dosen’t bother your fiance and hey, just means more gifts for you!

Post # 12
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would be worried that it doesn’t stop at the guest list. 

“Oh sweetie, that dress isn’t appropriate for a church ceremony! What do you mean, you don’t want a church ceremony? Just think about how much more beautiful those carnations will look like at the altar than at some hall.  What do you mean, you don’t want carnations?”  And so on.

Post # 13
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds great to have a bottomless fun but is it really worth it?

we are paying for everything ourselves which makes it so much easier to say “no sorry” not happening ppl. My mum has asked to invite a few extras and I have told her no, but she offered to pay for them so go for it. But it was for only 4 ppl and she cant add others.

You are not being an arse, if you can be honest with your grandparents tell them that your worried about losing control over your wedding if you dont pay. See what they say.

Post # 14
Member
5756 posts
Bee Keeper

@miz fizzix: Then hold onto your ‘principles’ and decline their offer. Sounds simple enough to me.

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