Post # 1
I have a bad back, and I always used to wake up sore. My father has a bad back too, so I just attributed it to genetics, and thought that’s how it had to be. Then I got a new mattress. It changed my life. Every morning I woke up refreshed, rather than in pain. My FI had an old innerspring mattress, and every time I slept on it, I woke up in pain again. I told him about it, and as sweet as he is, he promised he’d get a new one before we got married. They don’t sell the model I have anymore, so we went and tried out other models from the same brand at the store. This past weekend he went out and got the one we liked. He hauled it home himself, set it up, wrangled for a better deal on pillows, all of it so he could have it at his house ready for me when I got off work. Slept on it that night. It’s too firm. My back ached in the morning. I debated telling him. There’s a sleep satisfaction guarantee, but it’d be a hasssle to swap it. I told him on our phone call (we’re long distance). He was very obviously pissed. He was trying to be nice about it, but he kept saying how it was the one I tried on in the store. It’s just so hard to know in a 5 minute lay down on a store with a salesman standing over you! And he spent so much money, I thought I should make sure it was something I could sleep on, you know? But now I feel awful, like ungrateful, and I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have kept my mouth shut. He didn’t tell me he loved me when he hung up like he usually does, and I was trying too hard not to cry to talk anymore.
Post # 2
But…it hurts you. You can’t tell that in a store for 5 minutes. I know it’s one that you both liked, but after sleeping on it, it is affecting you and won’t work for you. Do you have Sleep Number stores near you? They have two different sides so you can adjust accordingly, and each side can be catered to each person’s needs.
Post # 3
Get a memory foam pad and soften it up a bit if you don’t want to return it. He will get over it. Ultimately, he wants you to be comfortable.
Post # 4
Does he not want you to sleep with him for the rest of his life?
Post # 5
Can you not just use your mattress when you move in together (how long will that be)? How often do you stay with him?
Post # 6
sapphire27 : Every other weekend when he’s home, I stay with him. After our wedding in October, I’ll live at his house. My mattress is a full, but his master bedroom set is a queen.
I feel like a total brat. I just can’t help it. I offered to go to a chiropractor. Maybe that would make a difference?
Post # 7
Bee you’re being a bit ridiculous here. Your needs are valid. A good night sleep that doesn’t give you back pain is worth way more than a bit of hassle.
i can’t believe any guy would rather his fiancé/wife be uncomfortable nightly to prevent him from some work. Then actually withholding love because your body hurts is a jerk move.
Post # 8
What bed are you planning on getting? Because while I totally understand your need for comfort when you sleep, your FI may be imagining going through this mattress swap multiple times because as you said, you can’t tell in a 5 minute lay down. So he may be worried that he’ll go ahead and return it, get a new one, and you won’t like that either
Post # 9
He needs to return the mattress. It’s that simple. Yes, it’s annoying and it’s a hassle but it’s a temporary one and very minor in comparison to you continuing to have back pain for years until it’s time to get a new mattress. It’s sounds like there is a good return policy so he won’t be out any money.
Post # 10
Um if it’s guaranteed what’s the big deal, he can exchange it. It’s not like you didn’t like the color, you have legit back problems. I don’t get it. Sure it’s a pain in the butt but these things happen. Plus I don’t know about you, I can’t make myself at home on those filthy store matressess
Post # 11
We spent a lot on a new bed about 18 months ago. Two weeks in I thought I would have to return it, it was horrendous, neither of us had slept a wink. The sales man said if you are not used to a supportive mattress (our new one was a special chiro one with lots of innersprings etc) its going to take a month to settle. I could have killed the salesman as it was non refundable and I walked out very miffed. A month after we were used to it and no the bed is great. That being said, if I could have ditched it after the first two weeks you bet I would have! Hang in there, its likely to improve.
Post # 12
We bought a new mattress after moving in together because DH’s one was horrendous – I was horrified in the beginning because of how firm it was. The first two weeks were like sleeping on the floor, but eventually it softened up and now it’s perfect for us!
If you are really struggling, then by all means find a mattress that is more suitable, but give it a chance, because I know some mattresses take a little time to get used to.
Post # 13
Quick question, since the mattress seems to be based on your needs and is for both of you, how come you’re not helping to pay for it? I only ask because you mentioned “he” spent a lot of money on the mattress. I’m guessing since he paid, he’s the one with the exchanging rights.
Or get the reciept from him and exchange it yourself.
He’s being rude, but I can understand his frustrations. Kind of. You have a legitimate reason to want to exchange it and you have that right. He should just suck it up and put it in the car and you could always take it from there. I’m sure a sales associate would help you take the mattress from the parkinglot and then put the new one in.
Post # 14
crumbledoreos : I wanted to pay for all of it, or at least half, because I’m the one with the issue. He wouldn’t let me. He said it was a gift for me.
Post # 15
Update: He tried to call me back, twice, which I did not answer because I was upset. About 10 minutes later, he called again. He said that he had gotten out the receipt and we have a good bit of time to exchange it, so we can sleep on it for a little bit more before we decide. A few months even. Then he said it was okay, and he felt it was firmer than the one we tried at the store too. He ended the call with, “I love you.”
He still sounded angry. The first call, I know he was, because we were face timing and he was grinding his teeth.
I’m going to go to his house this week and spend a few nights to figure out if the mattress will soften and get better, I see some bees commented that was the case for them. If we need to exchange it, I’ll probably try to do it myself or with family, so FI doesn’t have to do anything.
It may sound crazy, but I still wish I hadn’t said anything. I suffered on a mattress for years at my house. I could have done it again.