Post # 16
Don’t martyr yourself like this. Just return the mattress, talk to a mattress professional who can recommend a good one for your needs, and let this drama go. It shouldn’t be such a struggle. Your FI should be fully capable of dealing with the mattress return. It’s not rocket science. You’re in pain for goodness’ sake.
Post # 17
Part of loving someone is putting up with all of life’s inconveniences that come with keeping them healthy and happy (tobviously to some limit). Putting up with the hassle of mattresses for someone with a sensitive back is well within that limit. You didn’t do anything wrong–he’s acting like a baby.
P.S. Side note, my BF also gets back pain sometime if he slacks off on going to the gym and working his back muscles. You might consider talking to a physical therapist to see if they have recommendations (don’t just go the gym first on your own–could hurt yourself).
Post # 18
knotyet : If you have more time to return it then I definitely would give it more time. We bought a mattress last year and it felt great in the store only to keep us both up for the first few nights. We were sure we were sent the wrong mattress, but we weren’t. After about 3 weeks it felt much better and now we love it.
Post # 19
It absolutely does sound crazy that your you would rather be in pain than upset your fiance.
I am not one of those people who immediately jump to “you should look at your relationship” but bee you definitely should look at him and yourself and think about why you are so scared of his displeasure.
Post # 20
I tink its ridiculous that he’s pissed off… Frustrated, sure but its not like you can help it and making you feel bad about it is completely uncalled for. Give it another couple of weeks and see if it softens up and try a memroy foam topper. If that doesnt help, use your exhange and get a different one. Don’t let him make you feel guilty for something you have no control over and dont suffer in silence just to save him a little bit of frustration.. he can suck it up.
There are things you can do to help with back pain. I know if i dont exercise or stretch enough, my back gets very sore – try some yoga poses for back pain/strength, chiropractor or massage therapy will also help for long-term back health.
Post # 21
You only slept on it once? I was told by my chiropractor that your back takes up to 6 months to get used to a new mattress. My fiance hated my mattress so I bought a new one. He hated that one even more. I got mine at a discount so I couldn’t return it. He’s done other things to help with sleeping on it like buying a spine aligning pillow, topper etc. If I were you, I’d buy a mattress topper and spend more time sleeping on it before making him return it. Maybe if you showed him you’re putting effort into helping solve the problem, he might be more open to your feelings. I can totally understand your fiance’s frustration.
Post # 22
Last summer I tried getting a “good-quality” (memory foam) mattress, rather than the cheap inner-spring mattresses I had used all my life.
I could tell after one night that it wasn’t going to work for me; I had the worst back pain I’d ever experienced. (Lesson #1: Don’t test out mattresses when you’ve spent the previous night sleeping on a half-deflated air mattress and your back is sore to begin with.)
But maybe I just wasn’t used to it, and we had a three-month window to exchange it, blah blah blah—we called the store back before the first 30 days were up to confirm that this mattress qualified for the extended exchange period. So we put off exchanging it for a couple of months because we were in the middle of moving between cities and weren’t spending that much time there anyway.
Long story short, when we went back to the mattress store after a couple of months, they told us that we couldn’t exchange the mattress for just any other one—we had to get the SAME BRAND because we were beyond the 30-day exchange window. I don’t know how they failed to tell us this when we called specifically to verify the extended exchange period before the 30 days were up.
So our exchange options were EXTREMELY limited. We ended up going with a mattress that was tolerable rather than one I loved. And I had to add a $100 topper to make it tolerable.
So Bee, don’t trust the mattress store when they say you can wait a while to exchange it. If you know this mattress isn’t for you, exchange it as soon as possible.
Post # 23
coffeebean1963 : I don’t want to be a bother. I’ve offered to just keep it and live with it, and I’ve already said I’ll go sleep on it several nights this week while he’s out of town to try and adjust. I also offered to see a chiropractor, but FI says they’re questionable. I also have a bit of fear towards chiropractic treatments after that playboy model died a day after an adjustment because the doctor ruptured an artery during her treatment and she had a stroke.
Post # 24
BookishBee : Thank you. This is important, but I think we’d get the same exact model, just less firm? I contacted Serta to ask if they could tell me a model in the line we bought that is comparable to the one I have on my bed at home. I had tried to get that info before, and they just told me to ask if anyone still had my discontinued model (they didn’t).
Thank you, everyone. The more I read your posts, the more I feel like it’s not wrong that I don’t want to sleep on a mattress that causes me physical pain for the next 10 years of my life. I offered to pay for it or at least contribute to the cost, I offered to help set it up, and I did research before we purchased. My back pain is not something I can control, and I truly wish that I didn’t have it. I have tried yoga and stretching exercises that help, but the best help so far has been the mattress I bought myself a few years ago (the full size). I mean, I still understand why FI is upset, and I guess it’s harder for him to understand because he could honestly sleep on anything with no problem. But there’s nothing I can do about this, and I should be able to tell him anything and everything.
Post # 25
luv2luv : No, nothing like that. I’m a people pleaser. Because of the way I grew up, I hate to displease others, and I have a huge fear of being a burden on others. I don’t want to need others, and that’s a personal problem. He didn’t make it better with the obvious anger that he tried unsucessfully to hide, but people get angry, and it’s what they do with their anger that’s important. One of the reasons I’m with my FI, is that I know he’d never hurt me and he’s not like what I’ve known before.
Also, before anyone suggests it, we will be going through premarital counseling, just because we think that’s a good idea before marriage. I know that something I’ll need to work on is the above, where I would rather suffer than have someone I love mad/frustrated at me.
Post # 26
knotyet : I’m sure when it comes down to it that he’s angry at the situation and not at you. I’ve had those moments of frustration. You work, plan and it all goes wrong, of course he’s annoyed. I doubt he even realizes he’s taking it out on you and at the same time I think you are taking his response wayyyyy too much to heart if you were almost in tears over it.
Ultimately it’s a situation of body health, there’s no sensible solution but to return or alter it. I’m sure he’ll see that soon.
If you are willing to try a compromise to save the hassle, buy a memory foam topper to try out. We had one at a vacation rental recently and it was the first time in months I didn’t need a pillow to support my baby belly. 4 days of not having to deal with shifting it every time I wanted to roll over. Maybe it works well for backs, too. However he definitely needs to start thinking about exchanging instead and preferably not waiting a couple of months first just because it’s a pain for him.
Post # 27
I would definitely sleep on it for several nights in a row if you can. When myh husband and I got married, we dropped several thousand on a new mattress because his old one was awful. The first two weeks were difficult because the mattress is much much much firmer than anything I’ve ever slept on. The salesman even warned us about this too, so we knew to give it a chance before we returned it. After getting used to it, it’s now the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in and I can’t believe how much better my back feels each morning.
Post # 28
I went through 3 different mattresses before finding one that was just right. The moment I laid on it I could feel my back pain soothing away. You can fix a moderately-uncomfortable mattress with a good topper but if it causes you pain just take it back. Its one of the most important purchases in your life so make it a good one.
Perhaps your fiance is hurt that he put so much effort into making it special for you and having it not work out. Make it clear that you appreciate what he did but just need another option for the mattress. Honestly you should always approach mattress buying knowing there is a chance that you will have to take it back, that is the reason they have such extensive return policies. Its not your fault that it isn’t working out for you!
Post # 29
knotyet : You are not being a brat! Putting myself in his shoes, I would guess that he was mad and frustrated that he went to all that effort and will now have to do it again. HOWEVER, I don’t think he meant to take it out on you (giving him the benefit of the doubt). I would recommend talking to him, apologizing and saying you thought it was good, acknowledging all the effort he went to, and then asking how you can help make getting the next mattress an easier process. Fights suck, but this is totally solveable in a way that won’t leave you in pain.
Post # 30
I have a nerve root impingement in my lower back and all the inversion table did for me was temporarily get rid of the pain, it never actually fixed the problem. Your best bet is to figure out what is causing your back pain by going to the doctor and go from there. It’ll be easier to know what to do at home if you know what the issue is.
I opted for the Lessa and still on the 100 day warranty. I like it much better than my old box spring mattress. It’s pretty firm and relieves my back pain but if I sleep too long on it (7 hrs) then the back pain starts. I don’t know if it’s the mattress (firm) and I do want to try the Casper (less firm) based on several cozzy reviews but then feel bad to have to return the Leesa and then regret it later and then reorder it again