Post # 1
I turn 30 late August and in addition to other friends, I have a fairly close and intact cohort of highschool friends which meant my year was full of 30th birthdays. I’m just about the youngest of the cohort so this is the last 30th birthday in the group this year. I’ve been to all the others and even flew clear across the country for birthday well wishes in one case. Being the last one I wanted to make it special and epic so it wasn’t just another 30th birthday so I started planning months in advance, created a theme (not that it’s a time consuming proposition or costs a lot of money for guests or anything) Well… it’s 6 weeks out and I just got my last RSVP – 100% of which are “No” outside of me and my fiance. I guess that’s a bit better than throwing a party and no one shows up and I get the decency of cancelling the party weeks in advance without wasting more time. I’m still crushed and feel like I don’t really have friends anymore and I’m a bit angry for attending theirs. I know there is time to move the party if I so desired but I’d feel worse if they all canceled again on another day. I seriously feel like I’m going on 12 and not 30. Even my so called MoH cancelled without even given an explanation… Asking her to be MoH and her gleefully accepting is the LAST wedding conversation she’s ever wanted to have with me and that was months ago now… does she think it’s just about showing up the day of?
Even if I say “screw it” and do something nice with FI this year just the two of us I still dread going back to wedding planning. I feel like an idiot for getting 2 months behind because I didn’t want the birthday to pass without notice like my last few. I’m worried no one is going to come to the wedding too. FI’s family is already out of the wedding completely (other dramas), my friends all backed out of my birthday and then there is my family and I’m already hearing about my sister may not get that week off (it’s 53 weeks from now… ) and some of the younger cousins and such will be traveling for the year and won’t come back for “just a wedding”. It really feels like I should just scrap the wedding aswell and dump all my friends and get back as many of my deposits as I can so I can buy a truck full of cow patties and leave flaming baggies on a few door steps.
How do I get back to wedding planning after this?
Post # 3
I’m sorry the B-day thing didn’t work out. 🙁 I would be crushed as well in your shoes. Do you have fam you can celebrate with besides FI?
As for wedding if you don’t want a wedding that is up to you and FI to figure out. Elopment may be right for you. On the other hand people are more inclined to go to weddings then B-day parties.
Post # 4
I’m sorry about your birthday = It might be fun to take the money from the wedding and put it towards an awesome tropical elopement or something. What’s important is that you and your FI enjoy the day!
Post # 5
This honestly sounds a lot like me. It’s sad and depressing, but in the end eff everyone else! If you’re worried about people not showing up to your wedding, why don’t you just try to get your money back and have an awesome elopement with your FI? I would much rather spend the money on an amazing week/end for the two of us, then an empty reception hall full of money we just flushed down the toilet.
Post # 6
Sorry about the birthday. I think that being realistic here would help, though. I know it’s not easy, but it doesn’t sound like you’re actually doing anything wrong.. so maybe you’re just stuck with bum people when it comes to big event attendance. Such is life sometimes. If you’re proactive and decide to plan a very small wedding (or elope), you won’t be as disappointed as if you invited people, paid the vendor, and then they didn’t show (or RSVP’d ‘no’). If you do plan a big wedding, it might be a bit foolish, since you know what might happen.
I’m in a similar boat. None of the families care that much about a wedding, they’re scattered around the world to boot… I don’t have that many people I actually call my friends, etc. etc. so I would not have a whole lot of people attending. It’s just the way it is. Luckily I never dreamed of a big, white wedding.. but even if I did, it simply wouldn’t be realistic for us. Maybe if we both had huge families who lived nearby, and tons of friends.. but that’s not us at all.
Post # 7
@Pele: I am so sorry your birthday party was a bust. I know what its like to not have friends, and it sucks to not be surrounded by people on an important day.
All I can offer is, remember that your wedding is about you and your FI. Your commitment to each other. Even if it is just celebrated between the two of you, that is all that matters. You guys can make a day of it. Get hitched, go out and spend some quality time together and bask in the love you both have for each other.
As for the wedding planning, get a pretty dress or whatever makes you feel good, go to city hall or find a pretty elopement place (if you can find all inclusive with a night stay, bonus!) and plan some fun stuff for the two of you. Try not to focus on the aspects that make you sad.
People suck sometimes. Just try to not let it wreck the things that are important to you.
Post # 8
I’m sorry about your birthday and completely understand how you feel…I had the same questions as you with respect to friends and the wedding. It was like I thought about how I’ve always been the friend to go the distance for others, and when it’s my turn??? crickets. yup. As my now-husband has been saying for a while, ‘I think it’s time for some new friends.” Not to say I don’t have anyone at all that contributes to a worthwhile friendship…but let’s just say that I’ve had to re-evaluate a lot of relationships.
This definitely happened with the wedding. I did feel let down a bit by the rejections, but decided to focus more on the “yes” responses.
Are you sending out Save The Dates? That might help you gauge a response a bit from friends/peers.
Best of luck and keep your head up.
Post # 9
If you planned a cool party for your 30th and your oldest friends can’t or won’t come, invite some buddies you know from activities or work. It’s 6 weeks away, and there’s no reason you can’t still have a good time. The other people you invite probably don’t need as much notice, as they won’t need to travel.
Your wedding is about a year away, and it may end up being a small crowd, depending on your original invite list. Plenty of people have tiny, intimate weddings that are beautiful and fun. People won’t know their work schedules that far in advance, but most employers should give them that time off if they ask for it in the right time frame.
I think it’s a great idea to start making good friends who live around you. That doesn’t mean you have to ditch your old friends, or replace them, but it would give you people to do fun things with any time. If you start making good friends now, you could have a pretty good sized local guestlist for your wedding in a few months. It’s quite hard to maintain all your friendships at the same level they were when you all lived near each other and had more flexible schedules.
Post # 10
I’m sorry, I’d be so hurt and disapointed to! PUt it out of your mind, do something special and private with your FI, and have a good time. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you and that it’s just a weird coincidence that people can’t come. That happens sometimes.