I feel like I have no friends and maybe I shouldn't have a wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry the B-day thing didn’t work out.  🙁  I would be crushed as well in your shoes.  Do you have fam you can celebrate with besides FI? 

As for wedding if you don’t want a wedding that is up to you and FI to figure out.  Elopment may be right for you.  On the other hand people are more inclined to go to weddings then B-day parties. 

Post # 4
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry about your birthday = It might be fun to take the money from the wedding and put it towards an awesome tropical elopement or something. What’s important is that you and your FI enjoy the day!

Post # 5
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

This honestly sounds a lot like me. It’s sad and depressing, but in the end eff everyone else! If you’re worried about people not showing up to your wedding, why don’t you just try to get your money back and have an awesome elopement with your FI? I would much rather spend the money on an amazing week/end for the two of us, then an empty reception hall full of money we just flushed down the toilet. 

Post # 6
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sorry about the birthday. I think that being realistic here would help, though. I know it’s not easy, but it doesn’t sound like you’re actually doing anything wrong.. so maybe you’re just stuck with bum people when it comes to big event attendance. Such is life sometimes. If you’re proactive and decide to plan a very small wedding (or elope), you won’t be as disappointed as if you invited people, paid the vendor, and then they didn’t show (or RSVP’d ‘no’). If you do plan a big wedding, it might be a bit foolish, since you know what might happen.

I’m in a similar boat. None of the families care that much about a wedding, they’re scattered around the world to boot… I don’t have that many people I actually call my friends, etc. etc. so I would not have a whole lot of people attending. It’s just the way it is. Luckily I never dreamed of a big, white wedding.. but even if I did, it simply wouldn’t be realistic for us. Maybe if we both had huge families who lived nearby, and tons of friends.. but that’s not us at all.

Post # 7
109 posts
Blushing bee

@Pele:  I am so sorry your birthday party was a bust. I know what its like to not have friends, and it sucks to not be surrounded by people on an important day.

All I can offer is, remember that your wedding is about you and your FI. Your commitment to each other. Even if it is just celebrated between the two of you, that is all that matters. You guys can make a day of it. Get hitched, go out and spend some quality time together and bask in the love you both have for each other.

As for the wedding planning, get a pretty dress or whatever makes you feel good, go to city hall or find a pretty elopement place (if you can find all inclusive with a night stay, bonus!) and plan some fun stuff for the two of you. Try not to focus on the aspects that make you sad.

People suck sometimes. Just try to not let it wreck the things that are important to you.

Post # 8
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry about your birthday and completely understand how you feel…I had the same questions as you with respect to friends and the wedding.  It was like I thought about how I’ve always been the friend to go the distance for others, and when it’s my turn??? crickets.  yup.  As my now-husband has been saying for a while, ‘I think it’s time for some new friends.”  Not to say I don’t have anyone at all that contributes to a worthwhile friendship…but let’s just say that I’ve had to re-evaluate a lot of relationships.

This definitely happened with the wedding.  I did feel let down a bit by the rejections, but decided to focus more on the “yes” responses. 

Are you sending out Save The Dates?  That might help you gauge a response a bit from friends/peers.

Best of luck and keep your head up. 

Post # 9
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you planned a cool party for your 30th and your oldest friends can’t or won’t come, invite some buddies you know from activities or work. It’s 6 weeks away, and there’s no reason you can’t still have a good time. The other people you invite probably don’t need as much notice, as they won’t need to travel. 

Your wedding is about a year away, and it may end up being a small crowd, depending on your original invite list. Plenty of people have tiny, intimate weddings that are beautiful and fun. People won’t know their work schedules that far in advance, but most employers should give them that time off if they ask for it in the right time frame. 

I think it’s a great idea to start making good friends who live around you. That doesn’t mean you have to ditch your old friends, or replace them, but it would give you people to do fun things with any time. If you start making good friends now, you could have a pretty good sized local guestlist for your wedding in a few months. It’s quite hard to maintain all your friendships at the same level they were when you all lived near each other and had more flexible schedules. 

Post # 10
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sorry, I’d be so hurt and disapointed to!  PUt it out of your mind, do something special and private with your FI, and have a good time.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with you and that it’s just a weird coincidence that people can’t come.  That happens sometimes.

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