I feel like I'll never "get around" to having kids :/

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 1994

@FutureDrAtkins:  My mom isn’t a Dr but she was a hairdresser and had her own salon which was quite alot of work and she was 37 when she had me and 39 when she had my brother. It can be done you just have to know what you’re willing to sacrifice to make family life/work life do-able for you personally.

Post # 4
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

you have at least ten years before you have to worry. I say relax 🙂

Post # 5
Member
8903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@FutureDrAtkins:  It seems like a lot of people have babies in the last year or two of their PhD.  I’m not sure what field you’re in, but in mine (wildlife biology), people are done with their fieldwork and classes and are mainly just writing at that point, with a somewhat flexible schedule.  I’m sure it’s not easy though…  (I did an MS and peaced out of academia!)

PS – I didn’t get a “real job” until I was 30, I’m 31 now, and I need to work for a couple more years to save money before thinking about kids (I’ll have to quit my job cause I travel constantly).  Planning on having kids in your early to mid 30s is pretty safe – it’s not til mid to late 30s where you start to see real declines in fertility and increases in complications.

Post # 6
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

There’s no way your PhD friends are having kids right now. You’ll be so enveloped in that “world” that you’ll feel much more normal once you’re there (that’s what my PhD experience was like, anyway).

Lots of people have babies during their post docs. That’s a good time to do it. Your life will not get easier once you are beyond your post doc – so just have them then. Also, with the state of academics right now, 5+ years of post docs is not uncommon. Just have kids when you are ready, not when you are 3 years into your first professorship. You could be waiting a loooooong time for that.

Post # 7
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know quite a few Phd friends that had babies mid-Phd. But they were able to take maternity leave from the degree (in UK and Canada) and come back.

Post # 8
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was 31 before we started TTC.  I also work full time.  It’s tough, but not impossible- especially if you are healthy and have a good support system.

Post # 9
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@FutureDrAtkins:  I could’ve written this post! What is your PhD in? Are you planning on staying in academia? I’m about 2 years ahead of you, just turned 28 and in my first postdoc. It’s just not possible to have a baby during this time (I work with things that would be very dangerous to a fetus and I just don’t feel comfortable getting pregnant under those circumstances), and I will likely have to do another postdoc before landing a professorship position. The second postdoc will probably be pretty similar, and then the challenges that follow in assistant professor positions, associate professor positions, etc. are DAUNTING! Not to mention the fact that postdocs make little money at all and typically have poor benefits (I don’t even get maternity leave at my university) and that’s very stressful in and of itself.

When I do the math, I just don’t know when or where kids fit in.  Most scientists I know start their families very late, like mid 30s- early 40s, but many of them are men and I worry about the implications of being female in this career path…

Sorry, I wrote that whole thing and realize I don’t have much advice to offer. At least I can offer some commiseration…?  I’m interested to hear what other bees say!

Post # 10
Member
6270 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  i am 32 and getting married next month.  would i have liked to get married and start a family when i was younger? of course. but i didn’t meet my FH until i was 29.  i didn’t want to settle before that.  when we started dating, i didn’t know he was the one.  he proposed after 2 years of dating.  we are going to try to start a family right away. 

in the meantime since i’m not a young mom, i have a masters degree, i traveled, and i have a fabulous job.

 

Post # 11
eagleBee
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Best time to have babies in academia: 

1) During your last year when you are writing up.  Not only motivates you to finish, but motivates your committee to pass you, and also they’ll go easier on you at your defence if you’re 8mo pregnant 🙂 

2) During postdoc

3) NEVER

 

Waiting until you’ve established yourself and have a tenure-track… you will be at least 35 by then.  

Post # 12
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

In my program we call babies “degree killers” because I have yet to see someone have a baby and finish her PhD (in my specific program). I’ve got one friend who might just make it… but she had the baby at 31 and hasn’t finished her diss., so time will tell.

FI’s mom has a PhD in bio-chem and had him at 38ish. My BFF’s mom had her at around 37 and, well, dropped out of her PhD program in the humanities because juggling a baby and her diss. didn’t work out. 

But, I guess the real issue here, is that even my non-grad school friends didn’t start having babies until they were at least 29/30. You’ve got plenty of time to finish your studies, get established, then have kids, particularly if you finish the degree in your late 20s. It’s definitely up to you, though, if you’d prefer to have a child THEN deal with the academic stuff. When push comes to shove, what is your priority?

Post # 13
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureDrAtkins:  I didn’t personally, but I know plenty of women who had children while in a  PhD program and even in residencies.   I also know many women who had children starting in their mid-late 30s.  There are pros and cons to both having children younger and having them older.  I wouldn’t let school/career stop you from having children if you want them and are financially, emotionally and physically prepared.  Good lucK!

Post # 15
Member
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m 32, my husband is 34.  We are expecting our first baby next spring, when I’ll be 33.  NBD.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  If you’re really worried about the timing of your kids, could you take a couple of years off mid-degree to have some? Then when they go to preschool/pre-K/school, you could finish it up and do your post doc!

It would be a good way to show your kids the importance of education!

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