(Closed) I feel like I’m being tugged on…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your mother should have no say in who stands up with your FI.  That is his choice and none of her business.  Try finding several invitations that have both purple AND silver in them, and show them to both of them.

Post # 5
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I really think you should try to have a private talk with your mom about all of this. I know my mom was paying for my wedding almost 100% and even though DH didn’t care about most things, I did and it was a struggle between me and her. In many ways she saw it as her party and she was the hostess, which to some degree I do believe she was. But it’s also my wedding and my one and only special day and as the bride I should be able to make calls about the way its decorated and my invitations, etc. (of course with DH lol). I think you should explain to your mom that while you understand she’s the hostess to a degree, the day is also about you and your FI and his opinion really is important and he needs to be able to make decisions for his own wedding day. I agree that the bridesmaids and groomesmen shouldn’t be your mother’s decision in any way, but that maybe the invitations can be more a compromise. Think about parents planning a birthday party for their child. Even though the parents are hosting, the decorations and activities are usually chosen by the child and everything about the party reflects the child’s personality and wants. 

Post # 6
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think maybe you need to talk to your FI- he could be feeling emasculated because your parretns are paying and therefore get to voice an opinion in how the wedding is done!

If your FI feels like he wants more control I would suggest declining the offer of paying from your parents and paying for the wedding yourselves.

I also agree that she has no say in who stands up for you but she could by rights pull the money if you p*ss her off too much!

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