Post # 1
I feel like everytime I go to make a decision wedding related its power struggle between my Mom and FI. He’s strong opinioned and to his defense.. it is OUR wedding. On the other hand my Mom has been up and down with her attitude one minute happy, the next stressed and yelling about how something should go the way SHE wants it. To her defense, it is my parents that are paying for the majority of the wedding!!!!!!! I honestly don’t care either way but I’m tired of playing mediator between to opinions of two people that don’t even talk to each other… Now I’M starting to stress 🙁 any suggestions on how to deal with trying to find middle ground on EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!??? I’ll give two examples…
#1 FI wants two GM and a groom’s woman (she’ll be dressed as a Bridesmaid) I honestly don’t mind she’s on his side and it evens the numbers to 3 on my side 3 on his side. My Mom is caught up on old traditions and keeps insisting that we should have even girls and guys.
#2 FI likes one set of invites because they have purple in them. Mom likes more elegant ones with silver on them. I don’t care either way because I like them both.
They’re just both super opinionated and stubborn.. and its frustrating. Forget if I even had an opinion about something 🙁
Post # 3
Your mother should have no say in who stands up with your FI. That is his choice and none of her business. Try finding several invitations that have both purple AND silver in them, and show them to both of them.
Post # 4
@JenniferSC: I agree.. with your answer for #1 and is already solved.. for now. lol #2 is difficult because those are the two invites that we narrowed down to. I guess I’m just tired of having to mediate these differences… the list goes on and its fighting and pulling on both sides and since they don’t talk to each other they percieve it as resistance coming from me… I kind of wish my FI was like every other guy out there and didn’t care about the fluffy parts of wedding planning…
Post # 5
I really think you should try to have a private talk with your mom about all of this. I know my mom was paying for my wedding almost 100% and even though DH didn’t care about most things, I did and it was a struggle between me and her. In many ways she saw it as her party and she was the hostess, which to some degree I do believe she was. But it’s also my wedding and my one and only special day and as the bride I should be able to make calls about the way its decorated and my invitations, etc. (of course with DH lol). I think you should explain to your mom that while you understand she’s the hostess to a degree, the day is also about you and your FI and his opinion really is important and he needs to be able to make decisions for his own wedding day. I agree that the bridesmaids and groomesmen shouldn’t be your mother’s decision in any way, but that maybe the invitations can be more a compromise. Think about parents planning a birthday party for their child. Even though the parents are hosting, the decorations and activities are usually chosen by the child and everything about the party reflects the child’s personality and wants.
Post # 6
I think maybe you need to talk to your FI- he could be feeling emasculated because your parretns are paying and therefore get to voice an opinion in how the wedding is done!
If your FI feels like he wants more control I would suggest declining the offer of paying from your parents and paying for the wedding yourselves.
I also agree that she has no say in who stands up for you but she could by rights pull the money if you p*ss her off too much!