(Closed) I feel like I’m in abad dream….drama with his mother and sister-in-law….long

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Wow! There’s not much help I can offer except to say that you are well within your rights to say No babies allowed or don’t attend. I don’t know why but weddings seem to bring out the worst in people…especially immediate families that think they are entitled to do what they want just because they are related.

The only other thing is your FH needs to stand up to his own family more. This is not just your issue and though it may seem a small thing the rest of your relationship is based on how you handle issues together. Stay strong and I hope your FI backs you up.

Post # 4
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@KSBlueyz:  I’m so sorry this is stressing you out!!  Some people just think the world frikkin revolves around them.  Since you and FI are on the same page on this one, put your foot down!  You are right, this is your wedding and they are your guests; it’s a your house your rules thing.

Post # 5
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s good that you are standing up to them. Don’t back down. This is your wedding and it should be about what you want. Honestly I don’t know what your FILs are thinking trying to bring a year old infant to a 1.5 hour mass!

Post # 7
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

So sorry that your FILs are being such pigs about this. : / Maybe you can ask a close friend to act as “bouncer”? Hire security for the ceremony? Maybe hire a babysitter just IN CASE someone shows up with kids & have them stationed in the cry room to look after all young children that might show up?

Post # 8
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like your FSIL and FMIL want the baby there because they want to see the baby in a pretty dress and in pretty pictures, NOT because they want to support your FI. So, that’s pretty messed up. I can’t imagine any parent wanting to have to calm a baby during a long mass and you’re right that it’s not fair to the baby. 

Good for you for standing your ground. Continue to do so. It is going to be really hard for parents who are used to dictating their children’s lives to not get their way. Do what you have to do. 

Post # 9
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wish you well on getting them to adhere to the no babies rule, but if they know you are having other young children there (even if they are five and seven) they might try to argue that those kids can throw a tantrum/get stage fright and freak out just as easy as the baby. 

I was going to suggest asking your FBIL wife to stay in the cry room with the baby throughtout the entire ceremony, but somehow I feel she wants to put baby on display for all to see. 🙁

I feel terrible that you are being treated like your wishes don’t matter for your own wedding, it really is a frustrating situation.

Post # 10
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KSBlueyz:  Next time you talk to your FSIl et al, I would remind her how she found a babysitter for their trip to Mexico and how  ask if that babysitter is available. Can you hire a babysitter at the church to take the baby to a different part of the church during the ceremony and then include her in the photos after the ceremony is over?

Your FILs are WAY out of line and yes your FI needs to talk to them

Post # 11
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’m not a huge child fanatic myself, but in this instance, I think I might consider letting the niece come to the wedding. I only say that because there is a long term relationship you’d probably want to maintain with your in laws, and your FI only has one set of parents. 

Really, do you want him disowning his parents OVER A BABY? That seems so trivial if you think about it. 

Really, I understand where you’re coming from. They aren’t being fair in their approach at all. But in the long run, it might be worth it to compromise.

Post # 12
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m assuming this church has a nursery? Hire someone to babysit during the ceremony, and include baby in the family photos afterwards.

Post # 13
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

it is sad the way you are being treat by them, and how crazy this has gotten but you are having other children there right? how can you say no baby and have other kids there?  especially since it is his brothers child?  Weddings are supposed to be about joining families and everybody should celebrate together. 

I can see if you had said no kids at all, but to have other kids there and not have the baby? a 5 year old can be just as if not even more disruptive then a baby, can you really see a 5 and a 9 year old doing well in a 1.5 hour ceremony ….. I think you need to rethink it, I would be very hurt as well if there were other kids present and i was not alowd to bring my child to my own brothers wedding…..

I know it sucks, but think about rethinking it…. its not worth all the drama, yes it is your day but its a day for the entire family as well…

Good Luck!

Post # 14
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, first, I’m impressed that you have so confidently and consistently stood your ground in what sounds like a respectful manner. If you are 100% sure (and it sounds like you are) that you want no babies at the wedding, then you are well within your rights to enforce that. But of course be prepared for the backlash of having a 5 year old there, but no infants.  

I will agree the PP who says that your FI needs to stand up for you as well so you don’t look like the bad guy.

Post # 15
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Do you have a valid point?

Yes.

Are you going to ruin your relationship with your FIL’s and your FI’s niece if you pursue this?

Almost certainly.

Only you can decide whether it’s worth it.  You are clearly marrying into a family that values children.  Your kids will probably get the same consideration when it’s their turn, so remember that too. But you’re ultimately the one who needs to make the call about whether having a kid at your ceremony is such a big deal that you’re willing to ruin your relationship with his family (and the family of your future children).

Post # 16
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

From what I understand, you said the baby isn’t welcome at the ceremony (which will be long) so that you don’t have crying during your wedding vows, but that she is welcome at the reception afterwards which will include photos. I think that’s very fair and I think you should stand your ground on this. Seems pretty reasonable to me. FBIL and FSIL can get a sitter for a couple hours for the ceremony and then pick her up and bring her in her pretty dress to show her off to all the other guests at the reception. This is your wedding and your choice to make and if you don’t stand your ground on this (which seems like an important issue to you) and you give in to them, then be prepared to let them walk all over you for the rest of your lives. Once you let them get away with it this time you will never win.

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