I feel like it isn't my wedding

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland

I’m sorry you are dealing this before your wedding. I’m sure you have plenty of other things to deal with. It sounds like you have really taken the high road, good for you!

I am confused why she wanted the whole 5K when you did not actually recieve the full 5K. Does she not realize that you hadn’t cashed those checks? I think its wonderful how nice you have been, but I feel like at this point you have got to be really honest with her. It seems like she is just trying to help, but doesn’t know how and maybe didn’t realize that you had not cashed those checks. 

I hope you figure it all out, and try to remember that even though it’s frustrating, she thinks she is helping, it seems like she really wants the wedding to be the best it can be- she just doesn’t realize that her way isn’t the best necessarily.

Post # 4
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Ok, so her checks didnt even come through, and you still had to financially fund the wedding. So at what point does her opinion carry any weight? He who holds the money bag has the final say…

Post # 5
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am amazed you gave her contact information for all of your vendors when it sounds like you had things the way you wanted them. She didn’t pay, she doesn’t get a say. I am sorry you’re bummed out but take control of your day girl!

Post # 6
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You need to call your vendors and tell them that any decisions will come from YOU and your FI… No one else! 

Post # 7
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MechEBee:  

This is exactly why I eloped. Not saying that you should as well, just sharing how I handled my mother’s bullying. 

Parents often become controlling about weddings as a way to handle their sadness of “losing” their son or daughter. 

Tell your mother that while you appreciate her opinions, you are the bride and you are paying for your event, which means that only you decide what is best for your wedding. 

I am planning a vow renewal next year with many wedding elements…I see why we eloped the first time!  Holy shit what a pain in the ass! 

Post # 8
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

MechEBee:  If she doesn’t realise that $500 isn’t coming out of her account every month then no, she isn’t good with her money!

To be honest, I think you pandering to her is making things worse. I get that you don’t want to upset her but she seems to have no issue whatsoever upsetting you so maybe you should be a little more selfish and tell her no, it’s your wedding and things will be done your way.

You may think it’s easier to just keep quiet but if you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to stand up for yourself. It’s your day, not hers and if you let this go you may find that you start to resent her for making the day about her and not you and your FI.

Post # 11
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

My mom was being super controlling when she was contributing money, and saying she had a right as MOB to act in this manor. I finally asked her why she would ever want to control my wedding…as her daughter, doesn’t she want me to be happy?

 

As hard as it is, you may just have to put your foot down. Tell your mom- you’re invited but you’re not planning. If you continue to act in this manner, you will not be invited. End of story. She will be upset, garanteed and I’m sure you want her there, but right now she’s basically walking right over you.

Post # 12
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

rbhs117:  

Some moms won’t even accept it when their daughter’s set boundaries. 

My mom was trying to take over my wedding as the MOB. No amount of discussions or firm boundaries helped.

I am so glad that she calmed down after the elopement. Some people need a slap in the face to see when their behavior is out of line.

Post # 13
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MechEBee:  

Your mother sounds like mine-vain and overly concerned with appearances. 

If overbearing parents are allowed to control weddings, they will also try to control the marriage. 

Post # 15
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

MechEBee:  

Glad you get along with your mom most of the time. 

If you’re are close, the type of cups you use will not strain the relationship. 

 

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