I feel like marriage has made me boring

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

What about trying to plan things independent of each other? My husband and I spend lots of time together but we also do our own things. So, plan some girl lunches without him and have him go do what he wants with some friends.

I do think that single friends can find it tiresome to be with someone who must bring their husband/wife everywhere. Actually, there is a couple that we don’t hang out with anymore because whenever we invited just one person out, the other got pissy and it would result in a fight between the two of them. Exhausting. I’m not saying that is you, but maybe people think that will happen if they want to spend time with just one of you. 

Alternatively, maybe it is time to try to find some new friends who are married or in a committed relationship and plan more couple-y things. I love game nights, but lots of those games are geared towards teams (which single people might feel excluded from) so it might go over better with couples. 

Post # 4
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We have a lot of coupled friends that we hang out with – but we also have lots of single friends and we them regularly and make an effort with the ones OOT. Any friendship takes work on both ends. Sorry you are feeling this way. Maybe plan an end of summer party – have a BBQ and some drins. Who could say no to that? 

Post # 6
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you need to start hanging out with your friends independently if you want to keep them. You don’t need your husband by your side at all times just because you are married now.

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

doubtingdebbieah:  Well we play softball Wednesday nights – it’s nice bc I organized our team so we have my friends and his friends all together (couples and singles). DH plays hockey with some other guys Thursdays. Then during the week we often get together for a drink or ice cream with random people. Our weekends are insane – we had plans for almost every weekend before summer started. Camping & weekends to different cities with different groups of friends. Lab friends, uni friends, old work friends, family time. Forunately, we have weekends where people come to visit us too. Things always slow down in the fall but we like to take advantage of our summer weekends. I know some people will think we are crazy planning so much but we love it 🙂 This weekend we are headed back to our uni city to visit two of our best friends that had twins a year ago 🙂 Bring on the weekend! 

ETA: DH and I do make sure we spend time without each other with friends. Girls night is important 😉 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 8
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I can relate! But I also feel it’s a transition in life and I love it. Gone are the days of heading to the bar when others are heading to bed, or having just a bagel for dinner or taking impromptu road trips. But those things are replaced with heading to bed with my husband, cooking elaborate meals and exploring the country with my life partner. We love to host our friends and family at home. Have many friends disappeared? Yes. One of my girlfriends even admitted she was jealous of my relationship 🙁 But that’s her problem, not mine. I guess what I’m saying is that yes, my life is different but in a GOOD way. I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂 I’m still me, just older, wiser, more tired, lol!, and a wife, now and that’s the best title of all. I’ve hung up my pary dress for good and now when we want to let loose? I wear my party pyjamas at home 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

doubtingdebbieah:  I am single and while I am happy to meet a friend halfway by socializing with his or her partner sometimes, if it became clear that I would almost never have the option of meeting JUST my friend for something as simple as coffee, I would begin to invite/accept invitations from that friend less frequently.

It isn’t that couples are necessarily boring, it’s that sometimes I really just want to talk to a friend without having to cater to someone else. The presence of the partner means I must always be in social mode; I am not at liberty to be free with my friend, to confide, to discuss things that I should have every right to discuss with a friend but might be uncomfortable discussing with a partner who may not yet be (and may never become) a very close friend.  I would interpret the cessation of “just us” moments with my friend as a signal that he or she wished to downgrade the close friendship to a friendly acquaintance-type thing.

Post # 13
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I am going to agree with PPs. It sounds like you need to carve out “just us girls” time for your friends. We socialize together with our friends (all but one of us are married by this point), but we also make time to hang out one-on-one with friends. So I’ll nag Mr. LK until he makes plans with someone related to his hobby, because he needs guy time every once in a while. And I make sure to schedule a girls only night out at least once a quarter with my girlfriends. I have to schedule these things and reserve that time on my calendar well in advance. Otherwise my schedule quickly fills with DS’s activities, chores and house projects, family commitments, etc. Life keeps getting busier and busier. It’s up to me to make sure that I spend time with my friends.

Post # 14
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

doubtingdebbieah:  I feel like dating made me more boring, because I spent a lot of time throwing a lot of energy into getting to know one person. Marriage has made me more exciting (I think) because I am comfortable enough in my relationship with my husband that I am able to explore other interests abnd hobbies on my own. Pick up a new hobby without him and see how you meet people or how you have new experiences to bring to the table. It’ll make you “less boring” by having something new to do and talk about.

And for goodness sake, go out without him every so often! He will not die of loneliness, I promise. You’ll be surprised how a little away time from each other will strengthen your bond. 

Post # 15
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

doubtingdebbieah:  I feel exactly the same way!!  FI and I have been living together for 4 years and have two dogs – we can’t really travel with ease (have to get someone to watch them or board them), or stay out late since we have to walk them etc.  You just have to make sacrifices for the sake of your sanity and make hanging out with friends a priority.  

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors