(Closed) I feel like my family is always taking the spotlight from our special day! :(

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@shopaholic85:  If I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t want him there either. And I’m so terribly sorry that your family has been so rude and immature to you.

Are you parents contributing finanically to your wedding at all? If they are, I can understand why they would be a little upset. But, if they aren’t, the guest list is nobody but you and your FI’s business.

Post # 5
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@shopaholic85:  I think you should just carry on with what your doing with planning and etc. Send the invites out (make your sisters out to JUST HER) send one to your brother & parents if they come, they come. If not then too bad for them. If they don’t want to take part in your special day, its up to them.

Be happy that you have a great FI and great future inlaws. Don’t worry about things you can’t control.

 

Post # 7
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@shopaholic85:  How was your relationship with your family before everyting went down?

The fact they are trying to protect a potential child molester is appalling. It’s not an accidnet if you are getting in trouble around children……

Post # 8
Member
2461 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@shopaholic85:  You said that you would be miserable if this guy came.  Let me pose a question.  There isn’t a right or wrong answer to this question, but I think it’s something you have to ask yourself:

 

What will make you more miserable: this guy coming, or your family not coming?

 

Post # 10
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My family was doing the same sort of thing to me, they kept telling me they weren’t going to come and I was selfish for wanting a small wedding. I wasn’t singling out a person, but I only wanted immediate family, and I happen to have a very small immediate family and my fiance has a large one so my parents flipped out. They aren’t even paying for everything bu eventually they made a compromise to limit our guest list and also chipped in a bit more. In my opinion, I think my family reacted very immaturely and I think that’s what it sounds like with yours too. If my parents didn’t show up to my wedding because I had a small wedding then I wouldn’t be upset, it would be their loss because they were too immature… you can’t always get what you want. And especially in your case, where they aren’t even paying. Then it’s all up to you. In the end, I’d hope they’d grow up and show up to support their daughter!

Post # 11
Member
2461 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@shopaholic85:  Two weeks after yours?!  That’s cray-cray for siblings to do that.  I’m sorry dear, but it looks like your family is causing major drama.

The only upside I see right now is that your wedding is in May 2014, assuming that date is correct.  In which case your family might have time to come around to their senses.

So for now, just try being civil.  You don’t have to help with the wedding (though it might be nice if you do), just don’t openly slam on it.  Come and rant here. 😉

Post # 13
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m actually really glad to hear that you’re not giving in.  This isn’t just that you don’t get along with the guy, he’s disgusting.  People don’t accidentally get charged with child molestation on more than one occassion.  He should be in jail – nevermind not at your wedding.  I sure hope this guy doesn’t live near me.

If your family wants to act like a bunch of babies, and condone his behaviour – too bad for them.  Better they aren’t there if they’d rather support a pedophile than their own daughter/sister.  

Ugh I seriously have the heebie jeebies thinking about it, they’re supporting him. Gross.

Post # 14
Member
731 posts
Busy bee

I don’t blame you for not wanting that guy at your wedding, and I think your family is being unreasonable. I would refuse to acknowlege their threats. Carry on and if they end up not going, oh well! That’s their problem. Your sister getting married 2 weeks after you is not your problem either… it must be inconvenient for your extended family but again, oh well… YOU didn’t make that decision. It will reflect poorly on your sister, not you.

As for the “no one is going to care about my wedding” drama, that is childish on your part.

Post # 15
Member
7463 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lampshade:  I agree with your post.

I’ve said it before on here and I’ll say it again, “I do not negotiate with emotional terrorists”. Screw them. Your reasons for not wanting him there are warranted. I don’t know why family seems to think because they put with nonsense that means you automatically have to. I suppose now they are going to say “Well they are engaged and a social unit”. Whatever. But the sad thing is you have almost of year of this to go. Who knows how this story will play out. Best of luck to you. 

Post # 16
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@shopaholic85:  If I’m reading this correctly and this guy is some kind of pedophile or child molestor, I think your reasons for not wanting this guy around are totally valid. What if he tried to molest another guest’s child at the wedding? I would be horrified if something bad happened because someone this creepy and untrustworthy is at your wedding. 

 

It is your family’s choice to protect a child molestor that is causing the trouble – not your rightful decision to not want child molestors at your wedding. 

 

If your sister has such low standards that she thinks someone like this is acceptable, that’s her problem – not your problem for not tolerating a child abuser. If you plan to have children, I would not allow them anywhere near her while she is with this guy since unfortunately it is not at all uncommon for women married to child molestors to ignore signs of sexual abuse. 

 

It’s sad that your family is being so selfish and doesn’t respect that you have a right to decide who you want at your wedding. I would continue to plan things without them and if the family decides to come, that is their decision. Put your focus on the people who WILL be there for you instead. 

My parents are dead and my extended family is a bit crazy (the extended family made a stink about how I was having my wedding in another state instead of where they live even though I don’t live near them anymore) so I ended up having only a couple of family members at my wedding. I didn’t even notice or care that they weren’t there, because I was too busy focusing on the people who DID want to be there with me. It’s ok not to have family at your wedding if they are being a toxic influence on your life. 

 

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