Post # 1
Granted, we’ve only been engaged a little over a month but my future husband seems less than enthusiastic about a wedding. I know some of it has to do with his parents (who I don’t believe will be helping us nor really are that excited about it, either) also his closest friends live out of state, he’s worried about buying a house, so on and so forth. Meanwhile, I’m pinning dresses, looking for free bridal expos, and want to start checking out venues next month for the fall of 2014.
He doesn’t understand the “point” of engagement photos or an engagement party. It’s gotten to the point that it’s something I want to do, so my mom and I are planning something small…and I guess I hope he comes.
I get that this is going to be more my “thing” than his, but I’m not even being outrageous in my planning. I never even thought about getting married until I met him! Is he going to be like this through the whole process?? We haven’t begun to make any decisions, and I’m already annoyed to talk with him about anything b/c of his attitude!
I’ve suggested a bacon bar b/c I thought that might be something fun and different and he loooves bacon and his response was, “I don’t want to pay for that.”
Obviously, my visions are broad and big right now b/c I’m not dealing with writing checks yet, but it’s like I can’t even enjoy LOOKING at stuff without him making a remark. It’s already starting to dampen the planning process!
Any suggestions for dealing with this?? I can’t be the only one!!
Post # 3
I would probably drop the subject and avoid looking at wedding-related items in his presence for a couple more months.
Post # 4
Agreed, but we need to start looking at things next month and I’m trying to put some kind of rough budget together. He’s just being…difficult!!
Post # 5
My DH was never into wedding planning. I tried to include him as much as possible, but his response was always whatever you want. I think most guys are like this. Try talking to him about how it makes you feel and see where it goes.
Post # 6
Don’t fret. Most men are not as enthusiastic about wedding planning as we are. They just want to show up on the day of the wedding and be done with it. I felt like you with my FI at first, then realized, he DOES want to get married (hey, he paid for the ring & asked! lol), but doesn’t want to be tied up in the specifics. Every vendor I’ve spoken to has laughed & said that’s the way it usually is. Some men, however, do like all of it. My FI is not one of them & I’m okay with that. I have enough dreams & ideas for the both of us! haha
Post # 7
Welcome to men.
My husband was like this, too. But in his defense, I’m more like him. I don’t see “The point” in engagement parties or engagement photos, either. So I can’t really comment on that because I agree with your fiance.
Men don’t care about weddings. They really don’t. All they want to do is marry you. Whether that is in an overdone rustic barn, on the beach, or in a paper sack behind the gas station’s bathrooms, he won’t care. He just wants to marry you.
I had to pretty much plan my entire wedding with my mother because my husband didn’t care. I’d get important info from him (Like his bridal party) and leave him alone. I didn’t include him any more than absolutely necessary, and it worked out just fine. On the day of, my husband didn’t care about anything. He had a beautiful wife at his side, good friends surrounding him, good food in his belly. What more can he ask for?
Post # 8
Maybe his worry about buying a house and such have him a little stressed out about funding the wedding? You have plenty of time so I would maybe just enjoy being engaged for awhile and then have a converstation about the money aspect of it or why he seems uninterested. It can be so overwhelming. Good luck with future planning
Post # 9
Did you set the date and overall vision together? He may be thinking of a simple city hall wedding, so you need to get on the same page BEFORE you start planning.
Post # 10
I would start checking out venues as soon as possible. We got engaged in March and he thought it was to early to start looking at venues for Oct 11th 2014. We ended up with a Nov 1st 2014 because the veneue we chose already had Oct booked up. Once you two book the venue you I’d cut him some slack with the wedding planning.
Post # 11
My FH is being just like this too. He has started being rebellious to anything that is “traditional” or “expected” because if it doesn’t make sense to him, it is stupid. I am not overly sentimental or traditional either, but he didn’t even want to give gifts to the bridal party! It’s like he doesn’t care about anything, but I am always trying to ask him for input or show him things he might like. He usually says “it’s whatever you want” or “I don’t care” which is frustrating and it totally puts a damper on the planning!
It sounds like an uninterested fiance is normal, but it does make you feel like they don’t care.
Post # 12
@BurlapnLace: If I was your FI, I’d probably be much more concerned with purchasing a house than spending money on a wedding. A house is something you can enjoy throughout your marriage, the wedding is one day. I think if you guys talk about a reasonable budget, he will probably be a little more enthusiastic. Best of luck.
Post # 13
Sounds to me like he is worrying about how much the wedding is going to cost. It’s not that unusual, especially if you’re paying for it all yourselves. I wonder if he would relax a bit if you sat down and worked out what your overall budget is going to be, then he can stop worrying that every fun thing you propose is sending the cost through the roof.
Post # 14
@BurlapnLace: MEN. DON’T. CARE. ABOUT. WEDDINGS.
They don’t care about flowers, chair covers, multiple photo shoots, color schemes, showers, centerpieces, cake decorations, party favors, invitations, dress codes, or otherwise. Know this NOW because if you start bringing that stuff up to him, guaranteed he’ll get crazy annoyed with you and you’ll start to resent him for it. He’ll give you input if and when he wants to. Otherwise just do your thing and keep him updated every now and then. Don’t talk about it constantly. You are not alone in what you’re going through, and your guy’s not a jerk for being uninterested. That’s just how they are. Enjoy!
Post # 15
He probably won’t care about anything until he comes to something HE wants to decide on. Have you guys discussed what kind of wedding you both want, not just you? He may not be into this stuff and you have to listen to him just as much as he listened to you and compromise.
But expecting me nto want to look at cake, flowers, venues, pictures–probably not going to happen.
Post # 16
Yup I echo what other have already said. A lot of men just aren’t into the wedding planning process the way we see it. Many guys (aside from the few gems that are really into wedding planning), just want to get married and don’t really “get” the need for all the different things that go into it. Your FI is not being unreasonable, he’s being realistic based on what he knows.
Maybe take it a step at a time, get a general budget worked out and agree on that first. Things will roll into place, as you move forward with the planning, as I am sure he has a view of what he envisions the wedding to be like. Then work together to compromise and get everyone’s must have’s incorporated. I wouldn’t even bring up the bacon bar idea again until you guys start making decisions on catering/food, as an example. It will be easier for him to comprehend where you are coming from if you bring up ideas at the right time where he can process the information in the moment, as opposed to throwing out ideas out of the blue (no matter how excited we are about something). You know your FI best so you just have to feel him out as you go through the planning process. My hubby was the same way, I took care of and made final decisions on things he could have cared less about (as long as it met our budget he was fine with it), and as we went through the planning process, he was vocal only about the things that mattered to him.
As far as engagement photos go, DH thought those were not necessary too, but the photographer we got includes the e-session in their package so he had no choice, plus we sold him on it saying its good practice to do this before the wedding, and it will give us a sense of how good the photographer is and critique the photos in case we don’t like something, blah blah,etc, etc…:)
Hang in there and good luck!