Post # 1
Bees don’t get me wrong, when someone gets engaged I am truly happy for them. I am glad their time has finally arrived, but within minutes of hearing or reading on facebook or even here, I always start to think .. What is wrong wirh me? When do I get MY moment? I work 40+ hours a week, I take care of my children alone and I take care if his when they are around. Rhis is not a first for either one of us and I’m not a selfish person but i want my time. I want my moment to be happy. Instead it all makes me feel like a total loser and outcast. Am I the only one who questions herself when hearing someone else’s wonderful and exciting news?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry girl…I totally get it. I really, really do.
I used to be in that spot and I just wanted to say I get what you are saying.
Post # 4
i so get what you are saying, and feeling. i too am very happy to here other peoples good news. but then i slowly start picking myself apart, trying to figure out what am i do wrong. just know you are not alone.
Post # 5
i remember making an analogy here when i frst joined the bee, similar to yours, seeing every kid get picked but you. it does give you a ‘youre not worthy’ feeling, especially when you see theyve only been dating 11 months and theyre 22, 23 years old. but such as life, starting to accept the possibility that it may never happen. well unless its at gunpoint. but who wants that?.
Post # 6
I get this feeling. I have it all the time. In fact, I’m struggling with this feeling today. I found out today that an coworker got engaged, and that an old classmate got married this past weekend. Over Easter my partners ex girlfriend (who has an acquired brain injury and forgets they’re no longer together at times even though they had broken up at least two years ago before her accident) called him in tears to let him know that her brother got married Easter Saturday and was he ever going to propose to her? Awkward!! and on top of that another old coworker got married Easter weekend too. So for me, facebook is one big wedding/engagement news feed that I’m actively avoiding.
Of my partners friends, we’re the last unmarried/unengaged couple still standing. Every time we go to a gathering, engagement party or wedding they turn to us and ask the dreaded question – so, when are you two getting engaged? I cringe and smile and bat the question away, but it digs the knife in a little deeper each time. I’m starting to get that “last kid picked for team sports” feeling too. I know my partner loves me, he says he wants to marry me, he says he has a rough idea of the ring he wants to buy and roughly how he wants to do it, but I feel like I’m hanging out on the bench while all the other girls get called up to play in the big leagues. I examine myself – am I not enough? Have I let myself go? Is he not in love with me anymore? Is he not attracted to me anymore? Am I not wife material? Why not me?
I am genuinely happy for the people I know who have found love and are taking the next step. For example, my brother called me on valentines day to say that he had just proposed to his girlfriend of 7 years. I was ecstaticly happy for him and his partner. But I burst into tears anyway. They were tears of joy for my big brother whom i love and am very close to and proud of, and tears of my own personal pain and angst over whether my partner was ever going to make that leap of faith, especially since he had been so distant and disengaged from our relationship. Thank god I was with my best friend who understood my internal conflict! I’m not sure anyone else (other than maybe some other bees on here?) would have understood.
Post # 7
Don’t worry, you are not alone. I feel this way too. Pretty much all of my friends are married, a lot with babies etc. I totally feel like the last kid to be picked. It sucks, but….everything happens for a reason. I know it sucks, my facebook news feed is ALL about babies at the moment, it is crazy. Try not to let it get you down 🙂
Post # 8
@Peach28 I’m sorry you are feeling the same way. I was discussing this with my friend (who never had to wait) last night. I think one of the most difficult reasons that this is so frustrating is that we feel like we don’t have control of our lives. I know ultimately we have the choice to stay with our SO and wait as long as it takes or leave. Most of us don’t want to lose the person we love and we choose to stay. I think the part that is so difficult for us “waiting bees” is that we don’t feel like we have any say in the timing of our relationships moving forward.
It’s so frustrating seeing everyone else move on with their lives when we have a feeling of helplessness.
Post # 10
I feel like that too 🙁
I think every women does when they are not in sink with the other person. :hug: hang in there. Realise you have a great relationship, and it will come your turn as well…
Post # 11
@beeeforeigocrazy: definitely no control! And I freely admit that I am a bit of a control freak person… Not that I try to control my SO, but in the sense that I have been the driving force in our relationship and he has generally been a coaster, I am a person who copes well with timelines and goals being reached and not so much with “floating”. And this is one aspect of our relationship that I cant drive, and if I do then it won’t be special or a surprise and I want that too. what also hurts is in my particular situation, we’ve moved in with his mum to save for a house and since then have experienced problems because our relationship has taken a “back seat” and I’ve felt ignored and not a priority, felt like he’s slipped into his previous single behaviour before he met me, and felt like he’s still got mum as his number 1 priority and not me as his partner in life… So besides the anxiety of waiting I also have the anxiety of – is he still as in this as me? Has he forgotten about me? Will his mums wants and needs always come before mine and our wants and needs? >.< I know I’m young and have lots of time as people keep reminding me, but I have set goals I want to reach with him. I’m no where near as long waiting as some people on here, so I’m aware I may have a long way to go and a long time to wait. My theory is though – when youve met the person you love, why wait? Money is money it comes and goes, seize the moment and when you’re sure, take it while its there. You never know how much time you have. What’s the sense in delaying? But that’s just me and I’m an impatient person xD
Post # 12
Normally I can take hearing about other people’s engagement. It always stings just a tad, but normally I move on alright. Last night I found that another friend of mine got engaged and I really got upset. I was wondering the same thing as you. When will it be my turn? Why is everyone else getting to move on with their relationship and I’m still here? Especially if we’ve been together much longer.
From what other graduated waitingbees have said… our time will come. And when it does it will be amazing and we will no longer care about the waiting we had done. Its encouraging to hear that and to know that it won’t put a damper on our own proposal when it happens. But for now…. we must simply put a smile on and move on. What is important is that we are happy with our SOs.
Stay strong with me 🙂
Post # 13
I know how you feel, girl. It sucks. You are not alone!
Post # 15
@beeeforeigocrazy: I get that same feeling! Its tough not to be hard on yourself because everyone else is reaching a milestone that you want for yourself. Look at it this way…we have the best kickass dodgeball team because there are some pretty rockin’ ladies on here 😉
Post # 16
Aaaand another of my high school friends got engaged yesterday. My close friends joked that until/unless I get my dream ring, hers is top of the pyramid at the moment. They were 100% joking but I couldn’t help wincing a little.
Please know you’re not alone! Everyone here has a particular situation but we all know how you feel.