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I have mentioned on here before that my co-worker unexpectedly received a call about a baby she could adopt from Washington (state). She's spent the last two weeks in Washington after the baby was born and is coming back this week. Well, while she was gone, the girls at work were very excited and talked about planning a get together for our co-worker and new family. Anyways, this was talked about openly so I thought it was going to be a get together where everyone was invited.
Well, yesterday the invitations were given out in the mail slots. The one nurse handed our director the invitation right in front of me. Explained the event, etc. Looked at me and walked away. So, I figured that maybe mine was in the back in my mail slot.
The end of the shift rolls around for me and I venture in the back to check. Nothing. Not everyone had one (but that's because there are slots for the night shift), but those that DO work during the day had an invitation. There were a few exceptions because some of the girls do work days, but most are per diem or they just started so they don't even know our co-worker.
So, I was a bit hurt and offended. I know I'm fairly new. I've been with them for about two months, but I see the same girls all of the time. I was excited at the thought of going out with people from work. Getting to know them from the outside. I know that they all really do like me so I guess that's why I'm confused. I don't want to address it because I don't want to be invited out of pity. I guess I'll just let it go, but it still sucks.
So, my question is, has this ever happened to you? Would you be offended?
I am sorry about this. That really sucks!
There is not much advice I can give but I can say you do have a right to be upset. I'd be upset too!
So rude to talk about it in front of you! I wouldnt be offended, I'd be pissed!!
Thats terribly hurtful of them... Karma will take care of that.
I thought about bringing a present that I planned on buying for Trish and the baby to work and asking someone to bring it to the dinner since I wasn't invited. But I really don't want to cause any problems. I really do feel excluded.
@DesireeAnne: I was actually going to suggest doing that. That way they know that you would have liked to be part of the celebration.
@tranquility: Maybe I'll do it then if you guys don't think it'd come off wrong.
@HappilyEverAfter54: I agree!
@DesireeAnne: I think that is really really sweet but on the other hand I wouldn't go out of my way to do that because you'll feel bad the 2nd time when she doesn't appreciate the effort. I've done the same thing before and I felt like it went unnoticed.
That is horrible not to ask you. Have you talked to the others who weren't invited?
let it go, there will be other invitations; you havent established yourself yet; I wouldnt give a gift if I werent invited
@MrsCoachBtoBee: Hm, glad you brought this up because I didn't even think of that. I am kind of torn now though. Just because I am a sweet person, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of.
@Oneeleven: No, I haven't. As I mentioned, those who weren't invited were mostly the night shift and the new people from last month. Or those who are on leave. So, I'm basically the loser of the day shift. >.<
I see that people voted to give it time because I am fairly new, but I guess in the same aspect, I work long days with these girls. They're like my second family now. Just blows my mind.
Well I think if you want to give Trish a gift because you are happy for her, why not?
Trish is not the one organizing the event and discluding you, right?
Just because another coworker excluded you doesn't mean Trish won't appreciate your kind thoughts!
I can see why you are bummed but I wouldn't personally let it get to me.
if you are new there, then its quite understandable that they just assume you dont feel close enough to her to come.. thats my guess anyway
I wouldn't ask someone to take the gift to the party. I would wait til the co-worker returned and give it to her then personally and wish her and the baby well.
@mistyeyes: She won't be around for awhile. She took that family leave or whatever it's called. That's the only reason why I would.
OUCH!!! I'd be SUPER-hurt (I'm sensitive like that) and no one likes to feel excluded...So rude of your co-workers to talk about it and hand out invites in front of you, that is just poor form...
I'm really sorry but I think you should definitely give a gift if you want to and share in your co-worker's joy at adopting...Hopefully it was just an oversight by the rest of your co-workers and they will include you in the future but again, that sucks. It's a crappy situation and I'd be just as hurt as you are...
It really sucks, I have felt like this b4 but once u get to know them better, you will get an invite too, and if not....you prob dont want to hang out with them anyway.
Also the gift was an immediate thought of mine before the party/dinner because she literally received the call and flew out the next day. Nothing was prepared. She is literally starting from scratch except for what family has been able to buy thus far.
I would give her a gift when she gets back. Like a PP said, it's not her fault you werent invited since she didnt plan the party.
I think its really mean and insensitive that you werent invited. Its tough being the new person and things like that make it even harder. :(
Maybe they just forgot your? Or thought that they gave you an invite and didn't?
@MrsNeutrino: -shrugs- guess it's a possibility.
Anyways, thanks everyone. Just wanted to see if I was being silly or not. I'll be over it by today.
Another way to look at it is that since you're so new, they didn't want you to feel obligated to contribute or attend. Some people would be annoyed at being expected to give gifts to people they don't really know very well yet. Maybe that's the case here and it's nothing personal?
Honestly, I would mail the gift to Trish. This way you know she will get it. And it will also make your point about not being invited without being TOO aggressive.
I guess this is passive aggressive but in this case I think it's 100% justified.
I'd be worried that otherwise she might think you *were* invited and just didn't go. This way you're sure not too insult her too.
@Oneeleven: heh... I'd wait until she comes back and hand it to her IN FRONT of everyone. If asked, just tell her the truth: I wasn't invited to the party, but I wanted to get you and baby something. I hope you enjoy it!
Of course, that'a bit more obvious. Also, it's possible Trish might wonder why you didn't come to the party.
Definitely mail it or wait to give it to her in person. 1) they MIGHT be nasty enough to remove the card and claim it's from one of them. 2)it shows them up.
Agreed. and I certainly would not give it to the girls to give on your behalf.
If I were to give a gift to someone at work to bring, it'd be the woman who trained me and treats me like her daughter. But alas, I'm not sure if she's going. I'm thinking of sending her a text tonight and seeing what she thinks.
Thanks again, girls! :)
Im not nearly as nice as some folks here lol I would definitely not give the gift to give on your behalf. I would do something obnoxious like ask one of the people who was planning the party "do you know when so and so is coming back to work? I have a gift for her but since I wasnt invited to the party I was wondering when she will be back in the office.". Of course I would do this with a smile on my face that let them know I did not appreciate being left out. Im a fairly bold person and have no problem distancing myself from people (coworkers included) who do things that are inconsiderate like that. Quite frankly I would not be too worried about offending or making it weird for people who obviously didnt think anything of possibly offending or making things weird for me. Again, im bitchy though, so maybe this is too harsh of a reaction. Good luck and congrats to your coworker on the new baby!
This is hurtful and rude, and Im sorry that you are feeling angry! I would just let it go yes, but I do agree its hurtful. I have no other advice im sorry :(
I would be hurt, too. I think it was rude of them to be so open about it in front of you without also giving you an invite. However, it probably really is just because you're new, no matter how much time you've spent with them.
I'd still get her a gift because you are genuine in your intention to wish her well, and I think you'd be fine giving it to the lady who trained you to give at the get-together, otherwise I would mail it.
Ouch! My feelings would be hurt, too.
Disagree with PPs, though, about using the gift or the giving to communicate your bad feelings about not being invited. The new mom didn't plan the party, and putting her in the middle isn't really fair.
@teaadntoast: i agree. the last thing you want to do is add to the stress of the new mom--don't involve her in this. she may have nothing to do with the invite list. i'd talk to your coworkers and see if it was an oversight(/they didn't realize you would want to come since you are new) or an intentional slight. if it was intentional, that's clique-y and stupid; i'd feel hurt if i were you too, but in some ways it's good to know if they are that clique-y so you don't invest too many more expectations in your relationships with them outside work. but it really may just be that since you're new they didn't think to include you, and if you mention to whoever was organizing it or something that you are so excited for the new mom, and have a gift in mind, etc, maybe they'll realize their mistake and invite you...
I had a really similar situation happen to me about two weeks ago. I've been at my new job for 6 months now and hang out with a number of my coworkers outside of work and at the very least, have a ton of them on facebook.
Well one of our coworkers is moving out of the country so a girl we work with wanted to throw her a going away party. She literally invited every coworker on her facebook list, except me! I was livid. Our company is fairly big and she invited people from all different departments, including my FI who doesn't even know the coworker who is moving. But this girl has always had a thing for my FI we think, and so she purposefully didn't invite me even though she added me to facebook a few weeks ago so she obviously knew I was on her list.
It sucks to be treated like that but there isn't much you can do unfortunately. Hopefully as time goes on there will be more chances for you to hang out with people after work. *hugs*!
If you said the other new people were not invited either, then they were probably trying to make sure that those new employees (like yourself) who don't know the new mom very well, don't feel obligated to go to a party for her and get her a gift.
I'm sure it's nothing personal.
@Mrs.KMM: By new people, I mean people who literally just started working there two weeks ago. :) but I understand what you mean. I guess I feel like I've been there for much longer than 2 months. As I mentioned above, I work with these ladies for long hours and we're always scheduled around the same time. We work at a hospital so it's funny that we do get scheduled that way.
Have you thought about asking why you weren't invited?? Something like, "I heard all about the party you are throwing for Trish, and would have loved to come, but I didn't get an invite. I know I'm fairly new, but I am so excited for her and would love to participate in the celebration!". It might not have been done intentionally, and if you come forward with the fact that you want to come, I'm sure they will invite you with open arms, since you girls get along so well at work
It was terribly rude for them to discuss it in front of you and not invite you. I'm so sorry.
@MrsSl82be: I am so with you on this one. I read through all of the comments looking for someone to suggest just this.
If you have a good relationship with these people, I don't see why you can't just ask why you weren't invited and express you would like to go. Explain you really wanted to get her a gift and support her. I can see this happeneing at my work and I would have no issues expressing interest in going to people.
I completely agree with @MrsSl82be and @MaiFuture. Depending on how comfortable you feel with it, I think just asking why you weren't invited and mentioning your desire to be involved in an easy going manner is a great idea. And then you can guage their true intentions from the response you get. Hopefully there was no intent for your co-workers to make you feel unincluded. And I would get your co-worker a present regardless of the others' actions. Sorry you're having to feel so awkward right now, but it will get better :)
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