Post # 1
I feel like the novelty of a wedding is over in my friend group. I am one of the last one of my friends to get married. I am 30 years old. I know I am older but its not like I am 47 or something. All of my friends have kids now with the exception of like 1 other person who happens to be a little younger. I honestly feel sad lately because of this because it seems like people are not really interested in the wedding. When one of my friends lets call her Shari got married ( this was like 5 years ago) everyone was so excited about every wedding event. There were bridesmaid meetings lavish bachorlettere parties. Designer bridesmaid dresses, get togethers to look at bachelorette outfits and breakfast get togethers discussing flowers. Flash forward to now and its like nothing like that. One of my bridesmaids dropped out because she didn’t have money but has plenty of money to upgrade her kitchen and buy 6 baby carriers. People complained about the cost of the bridesmaid dress even though I kept it cheap at Davids Bridal. Now the last straw is everyone is like sort of half complaining about spending a night away from their kids for the bachelorette. Like saying I dont know how I am going to get through it. I am kind of like on the verge of crying or screaming to be like “WTH do you even remember your wedding stuff and the stuff I did and now 1 night for a bachelorette is suddenly a big deal” I know they are still going to go to the events and stuff but it seems like nobody is like into it. Has anyone else ever had this happen? Does anyone relate. I love kids and I plan on having a baby once I am married for about a year. I just dont get the baby world and aliens switched your brains for baby talk thing. I honestly feel like nobody wants to go to the wedding stuff but feel obligated to. IDK it just feels so unfair. I guess life isnt fair. Sorry bees I guess I am ranting but I am honestly like sad and disappointed in these girls. Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 2
A common message that I see on the bee is that no one cares about your wedding much as you do.
Your friends are at a different place in their lives right now, and it IS a big deal to leave the kids overnight.
I was engaged before and I was so excited at the thought of a wedding, I thought about it all the time, was excited to plan, plan, plan.
Now I’m engaged again (the other relationship did not result in a wedding) but we have a toddler together. It’s COMPLETELY different when you have a kid. My mind is on us and our girls, and I have less excitement for my OWN wedding planning because my priorities have completely changed.
I understand your disappointment but your friends shifts in priorities seems completely normal to me.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Like my dad used to tell me when I was a kid: life isn’t fair.
It really does suck that your friends aren’t able to be as excited and involved in your wedding as you were in theirs. That must feel shitty. But, they’re parents now, and kids take up the majority of parents’ time and money and energy. Their priorities have just shifted, and that’s normal and expected. It doesn’t mean that they like or value you less, it just means that their ability to spend time and money on you has been reduced.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Earth
Your friends have different lifestyles and different priorities than before, thats life. I wouldn’t have been thrilled to attend an optional overnight bachelorette party while leaving my child either but I’d simply decline if it was too much of an issue. An upgraded kitchen and baby carriers are not comparable to being in someones bridal party and honestly what that person chooses to do with her money is not your business. You might need to lower your expectations here.
Post # 5
weddinggirl2009 : That’s the problem when people have kids.
But don’t fret. Atleast you will look young in your photos, unlike myself at 41.
Post # 6
Another thing to remember is that you are hearing all this complaining because you are the bride and in charge. For all you know, their could have been lots of complaints about others weddings…but you didn’t hear about it because you weren’t the bride.
Another thing to consider: maybe your friends simply aren’t good friends.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re feeling like this bee!
i can’t exactly relate, but do know what it feels like when you feel like your friends aren’t as excited as you would have hoped. I’m the first one in my group to get married and am the only one with a child – so I feel like nobody is trying to be involved or can relate to me very well.
Maybe gently remind them of all the fun you guys had when they each got married and tell them how much it means to you that you spend some girl time with them before you get married!
I hope this helps!
Post # 8
weddinggirl2009 : aww, bee I’m sorry! I’m 32 and get it. It sucks when it feels like you put forth effort and excitement for them and they can’t be bothered to do the same for you. Yes, they are in a different place in their lives, but if they’re good friends they should still be able to be excited for YOU and the place you are in your life. I hate how readily people excuse self-centeredness with the statement “people have moved on and are in a different place in their lives now.” Because that’s exactly what that is, self-centered. It’s totally possible to be in a different place but still be a damn good friend. I’m sorry that your friends are being shitty );
Post # 9
weddinggirl2009 : I know it sucks, but it’s part of life. Being the same age doesn’t mean that your friends are at the same point in their lives. And honestly you lose a little sympathy from me by pointing out that your friend has the money to redo her kitchen but not buy some crap dress she’ll only wear once (not saying you picked a crap dress, but honestly ALL bridesmaid’s dresses are overpriced crap that sit in your closet for years) – you don’t get to dictate how she spends her money. She has different priorities than you. As for the bachelorette think of it this way – 5 years ago you all probably went out to bars/clubs on a regular basis and it was fun, but think now when the last time you all did that? If it’s been awhile then it’s probably because they no longer think those activities are fun – it’s not a dig on you and your bachelorette, but their tastes have changed.
Post # 10
I’m sorry for you and I can relate. I was also was one of the last people to get married out of my college friends, and they definitely did not spend nearly as much time, energy, or (frankly) money on my wedding and pre-wedding events as I did on theirs. None of them even went to my bachelorette (which was just one local night out). I had honestly thought they’d remember what I did for them and try to reciprocate, but that wasn’t the case. However, they did still all seem happy for me and attend my wedding, and I feel like that’s really all that matters in the end. I have learned that when people are on the parenting stage of their life they will usually just not have as much time, energy and money for their friend’s weddings and pre-wedding events.
Post # 11
It’s not self centered. At all. You can be there for someone and not feel up to attending a bachelorette party.
It’s not being a shitty friend, that’s actually pretty offensive.
People move on and grow apart especially when they are experiencing different things in their lives, it doesn’t make them shitty people.
Post # 12
weddinggirl2009 : I got married at 38 and the energy at 28 is very different. However, I didn’t want to do much of the typical pre-bridal stuff. My career is demanding and I balanced wedding stuff and my other “life” stuff during my engagement. My MOH lived in another state and she and her DH had their second baby during my engagement. I was thrilled because we had a birth and wedding to celebrate! I went to see her after the baby was born and we did some wedding stuff while I was there. She also came down to Texas to dress shop with me (her choice) early in her pregnancy.
Your friends have moved to a new level in life and they have that right. Maybe you can find out their budget, and let them plan the bachelorette party, etc. Respect their boundaries and set fair expectations. If they are too negative, ask them if it is a burden… If it is, they don’t “have” to be in your bridal party.
Take my words, you will have support and excitement from people you least expect during your wedding planning. Focus on the people who are happy and excited! Congrats!
Post # 13
LilliV : I do not think I gave enough detail on this one. The girl who dropped out agreed to be in the wedding and acted like she wanted to be in it. I supported her and was in hers and went to her baby showers and 1 year old baby bday parties and all that. Then suddenly the day of the dress appointment she dropped out and cried poor. The next day on snap chat she posted about all the things she re- did in her kitchen a month later she told me she bought baby carrier number 6 because she liked the color of it not because she needed like 1 or 2 baby carriers. The carrier is like the thing from the hang over and it cost like 100. I just felt betrayed and felt like well there was the money for the bridesmaid dress and I honestly would have helped her a little money wise if that was a real issue. I just think she didnt care and would rather shop online than support a friend. That is why I am upset. I feel like I am stuck because I have been friends with this person since 5th grade and shes friends with all my friends so I feel like I just have to pretend everything is okay and ignore that she does not support me as a friend. IDK it is just hard because sometimes I didnt have a lot of money for her baby bday parties and baby showers and all that but I just did things for her when I could because I was her friend and cared. I just feel like I am not getting the same effort back. I feel like I have done everything for these girls and like I am getting the bare minimum or like getting nothing for the one that dropped out. IDK its hard because some days I just go home and cry. Sometimes I feel like I need new friends. I just thought they cared about me more than this. I am not really looking for sympathy I guess maybe just like understanding and advice. However, it seems like the advice is get over it and grin bare it. IDK
Post # 14
Maybe she is poor because she just redid her kitchen… or maybe the kitchen was redone using financing for monthly payments.
I think you’re not getting a lot of sympathy because you are putting so much emphasis on how she’s spending her money and how it’s not being spent on your wedding. That’s not something a lot of people can sympathise with because it’s really judgemental.
You did all of those things for her party and birthday wise because you WANTED to, not because she should reciprocate.
You have to stop looking at financial contributions as a determination of their support and excitement for your wedding.
Post # 15
Sansa85 : I feel like it kind of is self centered and like being a bad friend. I feel like friends should try to support each other not dump each other because it is harder than it was 4 years ago. I always support my friends in their baby stuff even if I dont really feel up to playing pretty pretty princess or mickey mouse bday party. I just do it because I feel like I want to help and for them to be happy. I also like kids and like their kids. IDK I guess some people are just only into themselves. With what is going on I am not expecting the same treatment as I gave them in their early 20s. I am just expecting a normal decent thing.However I feel like its BS to get complaints about a bachelorette party thats 1 night. When one of them had us go on a 4 day thing for hers. It is not like I am asking them to go to Vegas for a week or something its one night. IDK I guess I am just old and have to deal with the fact that everyone else moved on.