Post # 1
Lately SO and I have not been having sex very much and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. We used to have sex ALL the time when we first started dating a year ago and now sometimes we go weeks without it. I do have a daughter and I know that has a lot to do with it, like we don’t live together so alone time is hard to get but still. I’m already self concious and the fact that we never have sex is making it worse. I’ve tried talking to my SO about it and all he says is that “he’s just not a very sexual person.” But we used to have sex a lot so I don’t get it? Then he told me that he isn’t horny at night after a long days work and he gets horny more during the day. Every Tuesday and Thursday I have a break between classes and we have lunch together at home (alone) so since we haven’t had sex in a week, I got dressed up really cute for him so when he came home for lunch we could have sex and he jsut text me telling me that he wouldn’t be home for lunch. Like really? I don’t know what I’m doing so wrong.
Post # 3
@Ninteenthchance: You aren’t doing anything wrong, sex is a tricky thing, and in long term relationships, it ebbs and flows with the stressors and successes of your life….it’s not a barometer for a successful relationship but ignoring a draught is not a good thing either…the best thing you can do, is not take it personally and look for the ways that your SO is connecting with you on a non-sexual level, to increase your intimacy.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
I’m sorry you are feeling like this. I can totally relate. My Fi wanting me makes me feel… Well.. Desirable. But the opposite is also true.
I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, just try not to stress about it. Your idea to dress up cute was perfect. So it didn’t work out today.. There will be another day… As Nona says, these thiebb bob and flow.. Make sure your sexual distance isn’t a reflection of emotional distance and you should be ok..
Post # 5
@Quickiebee: it’s hard not to relate the two when im just such a sensitive person as it is. I can’t help but feel emotionally distant from him when were sexually distant as well ):
Post # 6
@Ninteenthchance: I agree that emotionally and physical intimacy often go hand in hand. When my FI and I first started dating, we had sex constantly. We didn’t live together, so we made the most of the time we had. Now though, we are often just so exhausted (and that’s an awful excuse, you have to make time). We always make time for intimacy, such as cuddling, kissing, and massages, but sometimes we don’t have sex as often as I’d like.
Don’t leave all the initiating up to him. If he says he isn’t that sexual of a person, inspire him. Send him sexy texts and pictures throughout the day (I am currently doing this with my man, so it will be a blast when we get home, lol) and touch him as often as possible. Even if my FI isn’t in the mood per say, if I do his little “trigger” things then he becomes in the mood very quickly.
Like the PP have said, sex will always ebb and flow in a relationship, but don’t let the intimacy disappear too.