Post # 1
I thought about using a throw away account but decided not to…
Bees… I’m so mad at Fiance right now I actually feel totally sick to my stomache and don’t know how to handle this.
Fiance has always been short tempered. He gets mad/angry about certain things very easily. He’s got a big mouth on him so if anyone offends him he’ll react by getting angry and emotional and having some kind of verbally violent outburst. For instance – if someone cuts him off in traffic without indicating he’ll say that he needs to keep a bat or air rifle in his car so that he can take out their windows at the next stop etc etc. If someone does something to offend him he really does over react. He’s the type to punch walls if he’s mad at himself. It was really bad at the beginning of our relationship but he’s gotten so much better.
Anyway, what has left me so upset. Today he took it too far. We live in a huge apartment block where we have a designated parking bay. For the past 4 days someone has been parked in our bay leaving nowhere else for us to park. After day 2 we left a very non-confrontational note on the car asking them to please move since the bay has been designated to us. Today, the car was still there when he came home. And guess what Fiance did… He felt the need to vandalise the guys windscreen with shoe polish…
Bees, he’s never actually done anything destructive like this in anger before and I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe he actually acted out in anger like that. I’m shocked to my core.
It’s his birthday today and we were meant to go to his parents for dinner. I didn’t go with him I felt so nauseous… This behaviour actually kind of scares me… I’ve texted him to tell him that he needs to stay at his parents place tonight. I don’t know what to do from here.
Advice? Am I over reacting? What do I do?
Post # 3
Well, that’s definitely over-reacting on his part. If it’s a spot that assigned to you, can’t you go to the building management and ask them to have the car towed? That’s how it works in the buildings around me!
At the same time, I think telling him to stay at his parent’s house and skipping his birthday dinner might have been an overreaction on your part, as well. You clearly need to talk about what happened and let him know that it’s not okay…I just don’t think I would have gone so far as to tell him to not come home.
Post # 4
Go with your gut, sounds like you have been afraid of him and his ability to deal with situations for a long time. What he is doing isn’t healthy at all, I would be afraid of upsetting him and that is no way to live 🙁
Post # 5
You definitely need to speak to him about this and express to him that his overreactions are an issue for you – especially one of this nature where he’s gone as far as to physically damage someone else’s property. Have you ever had a conversation like this with him before?
Post # 6
Wow. He definitely took it too far! They can probably trace it back to him too since there was a note and now vandalism. No bueno.
Post # 7
This is how your Fiance acts, he sounds like a child to me. He way overreacted and I guarantee if you called your super the car would have been towed. I can only imagine when you have children, they can make you mad easily, what happens when he has a freak out then? He needs some counselling or to find a way to calm himself down.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2012 - Country Club
@ms_protea: I don’t think you are overreacting. When your in a relationship with someone with a temper it can scare you at times. I think once you calm down you just need to explain to him how it made you feel and ask him to work on his temper.
Post # 9
Has he tried to get help for his anger troble? I would be very careful about marrying someone who beheaved that way. I think you’re completely legitimate in being upset.
Post # 10
bie017: building management here is pretty pathetic. In the past a nice note generally did the trick. I know my reaction is probably pretty harsh but I really didn’t think I could put on a brave face in front of his family and act as if everything is ok. We did talk a bit before he left – he thinks his actions were totally justified and that makes me even more mad!
@FauxBoho: honestly, sometimes I do get a bit scared but he’s never actually acted out before and I’ve never felt that I’ve had to walk on eggshells around him in fear of his reaction.
@Miss Otter: we have. And he has definitely improved.
In the 7 years I know him he’s never actually acted out even after he’s had a really bad day.
Post # 11
ugh sorry hun, I feel your pain. I don’t think you’re overreacting. Why didn’t he try to go to the building management first? Or, how about call a tow truck and have the car towed?
Has he seen anyone for anger management? If not, I suggest he does asap and I wouldn’t marry him unless he sought out professional help. There are going to be way more frustrating things coming along if you plan to have children – how will he react then?
Post # 12
It sounds like someone is in need of anger management therapy. That’s not healthy. I would also feel a little scared of his reactive behavior. Does he recognize that his behavior was extreme?
Everyone has their challenges and it sound like this is his. Ask him to go to anger management therapy!
Post # 13
((HUGS)) Wow, I can see why you’re upset and you’re not overreacting at all. He needs to consider anger management classes and therapy. He just broke the law by vandalizing someone’s property and could face some repercussions for it, financially and/or by being arrested. I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
I’ll tell you a story of something that happened when I was very young, in high school. I had a close male friend whom I adored. We hung out together a lot and he was so sweet to me always. I cared very much for him and considered him one of my best friends.
One day he picked me up in his car to go somewhere and on the way a little dog that lived in my neighborhood happened to be running close to the road. All the sudden my friend turned into a monster. He intentionally tried to swerve to hit the dog (luckily he missed it). He said he wished he could hit it and kill it because he hated dogs that ran in the road and could cause an accident. I was shocked and felt so sick to my stomach, the same way you do now. After I saw that side of my dear friend I viewed him in a different light and from then on made excuses to see him less and less. We drifted apart after high school graduation.
Many years later I opened a local newspaper only to see his picture on the front page. He had murdered someone in the same city we grew up in. He shot a guy. Turned out the guy was one of his closest friends and neighbors with whom he’d had a minor argument over borrowing tools back and forth. Tools. He shot a neighbor, a friend, and killed him – over some tools. He’s in prison for murder now.
Please, please think long and hard about remaining in a relationship with a man who has a corrupted character and soul. He could not only be a danger to an innocent stranger or friend one day, but he could also become a danger to you. People who suddenly “snap” and kill someone have displayed many, many clues along the way but everyone chose to ignore those clues. It took my friend about 20 years to finally snap and murder someone. He not only ruined his own life, he ruined another entire family’s life as well.
Post # 14
This sounds soo much like my friend’s husband. When they were dating he really cleaned up his act. Now that they are married he is a tyrant who rules thru fear. Their kids have diagnosed anxiety issues and she isn’t the same any more either. : (
The fact that you asked him not to come home says a lot to me. I think you both need individual counseling. Him to deal with the rage issues (possible chemical imbalance or anxiety issue?} you to work thru whether you really want to go thru and marry this guy. He definitely has issues : (
Post # 15
Wow. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, I would have been livid if my Fiance defaced someone else’s property! The rational thing to do is call the property manager or a towing company. I would probably have even knocked on my neighbor’s door to see if they knew whose car it was. I agree that you both need to have a serious sit-down, but I also think it was smart in asking him to stay at his parents’ for the night. If you are fuming like you say are, then you want to take some time to formulate your thoughts.
Post # 16
I would be afraid of getting him “mad” and him acting out on me… so what you are doing right now is walking on eggshells… I feel sorry for you and you must decide whether this is what you want for the rest of your life. Fear.