I feel silly getting married:

posted 3 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Shydandelions:  You could look into some of the moissanite rings that everyone talks about on here. They are much more affordable than a diamond. Just try and focus on the positives and focus on things that you want and will make you happy and try not to be pressured into anything that feels uncessary or that you dont want. 

Sorry, not a whole lot of advice. But sending *hugs* 

Post # 4
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should definitely do something for yourself and each other to make the day special.  That doesn’t mean you need a huge party, but maybe in your case it does mean you need something shiny on your finger.  Or maybe you can wear something cute that you already own, but that makes you happy when you wear it.  A wedding definitely does not need to be a big deal, but it is still YOUR day.

I think a nice CZ would be a great idea, if you’d like to wear it.  DId you know CZ can come in a nice warm peach color?  It would sparkle more than a sapphire, and people who know gemstones would probably be able to tell what it is, but my understanding is you want something pretty, rather than wanting to show off how much you’ve spent.

Post # 5
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@Shydandelions:  I don’t know if you chose Maine for reasons other than the laws but I know NJ just passed in favor of same sex marriage and it’s closer than Maine if that helps.

I also second the PP on moissanite. I don’t have one but I’ve researched them a lot and they seem amazing. They are essentially a rock that looks just like a diamond but was discovered on meteors. Since they is a shortage of meteors 😉 they can replicate moissanite in a lab. They are affordable and have a crazy amount of sparkle!! And, I don’t know much, but they should be better quality than CZ as I’ve heard CZ can cloud after a while. I don’t know if that’s true though.

Post # 6
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@Shydandelions:  Oh and I’ve felt the same way about not wanting a big wedding or a party but I like the girly parts like the dress and getting ready and indulging in all of that…So I’m going with a super small intimate wedding with immediate family only.

But I’m still going to dress it up!! It’s your wedding day! Wear a gown to the courthouse if you want to 😉

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Shydandelions:  Why not wait a little bit longer and have a wedding you really want in a few more months/years?  It sucks that you can’t currently get married in the state where you live so everything would have to be a destination wedding.  But there are plenty of states you could do a DW at and combine it with a honeymoon or short vacation.

At the very least buy the ring you really want since that seems to be the only thing you are excited about.

Post # 9
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

From what I understand, if you want an affordable rock you never have to replace, moissanite or a more durable type of CZ called Asha is probably the way to go. But tons of women get one engafement ring to begin with, and eventually upgrade it. And you could also get married with just a wedding band and get an anniversary ring with a big rock later on.

Congratulations, by the way! It’s common for people to think that they shouldn’t get excited for just a court house ceremony, but remember, the vows are the same. I’m optimistic that you’ll feel much better about it in the moment, and when you’re celebrating with your wife. I hope you have a really amazing day 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Shydandelions:  What if you just find a way to have your “courthouse” wedding now – and save the ceremony that you both want for later after she has been able to transition? 

I think it sounds like you are both down for different reasons, but boiling down to you have to have this ceremony now for obligatory reasons rather than for romantic ones. It sounds like you both have different romantic ideals of what you wanted on that day, but because of your current situation there just isn’t time or money to wait.

That’s why im wondering if it would make you both feel better to agree this is just a legal ceremony and that you can plan your dream wedding ceremony in a few years when you have more money for your dream ring/dress/whatever else you want, and more time when she is out of the military so she can fully transition. I could see where it would be really hard to get married when you want to transition and havent been able to. It probably isn’t even the forever pictures that your partner envisions. 

 

Post # 11
Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Shydandelions:  Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you don’t want to get married, you just don’t want a wedding.

Elope!  Revisit the celebration idea later!

Post # 13
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Have a romantic intimate courthouse marriage, and have the big wedding later on. Maybe save it for an anniversary, or when gay marriage is made legal in your state, have one in celebration of that.

Talk to your partner about your expectations. If she doesn’t get the whole ring thing, you need to tell her what you want and why.

Post # 15
Member
5483 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Shydandelions:  we had to travel also and did a simple courthouse wedding last week 🙂 I agree with others. Why not make this trip to Maine a vacation…with paperwork thrown in…and you can host a vow renewal and big reception sometime down the line?? Or if Maine is turning into a hassle you could always stay closer to home and go to DC?

 

Post # 16
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Shydandelions:  Well that makes sense then.  Thankfully they now have to respect and aknowledge your marriage.  I am so glad for the demise of DADT and DOMA!  Planning a vow renewal in a few years sounds like a good alternative since you need the official docs now.

But I still think getting the ring you want is a great idea, especially since the ring will likely be used in the marriage ceremony.  I hedged and bought a CZ from Berricle because we can’t afford to get a custom band made to fit my engagement ring right now.  I am a bit disappointed but we are having the big wedding and spending money on a ring was just another expense to what is already an expensive day.

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