Post # 1
I have no one else to talk to and I feel like I’m going to go crazy if I don’t at least vent.
I stop talking to my mom about 8 months ago and cut all ties. I feel so much better since I have. My mom doesn’t want to grow up and stopped being a mother. I have always been the parent in the relationship and after dealing with it for almost two decades, I’m tired and over it. But she likes to play the victim and everyone feels sorry for her. Always excusing her behavior. My brothers and dad think it’s time for me to start talking to her and tell me how she’s sick and sad and everyday they have to cheer her up. They try to blame me or put a guilt trip just to make her happy. When I’ve been struggling and trying to hold my own without anyone’s help. I don’t talk to anyone from my family anymore because they think I’m selfish and assume I’m choosing my FI over my mom, which my FI has nothing to do with me cutting my mom out of my life.
My FI and I, all we do is fight now. He travels for his work and when he’s home he works nights and long hours. We barely spend any time together and when we do he’s either too tired, sick or depressed. (He has PTSD) He always makes plans with me but then breaks them, to the point I don’t even take his “plans” into consideration anymore. Because something else always comes up. I’m just tired of keeping my hopes up when he keeps changing our plans. So I know I’ve been distant with him lately and haven’t been so nice to him. I do feel horrible, I know my behavior towards him is negative, but I just can’t help but to be mad all the time. I use to miss him so much when he was gone, but now I’m getting use to it and when he is here with me, I don’t know how to be with him. It’s like I want him home, but when he’s here, I feel alone either way.
Its my dad’s 50th bday on Sunday and my brother is guilt tripping me into going to dinner with them even though I said I’ll take my dad out to breakfast or something else on my own. I haven’t talked or seem my brothers or dad in months and I just don’t feel like being around anyone. Especially when they are saying how selfish I’m being and talking negative about my FI. My FI is not a bad guy. He does treat me with respect and does everything to try to make me happy and support me. I know he’s doing the best he can. and I know his PTSD affects his behavior. But I just feel so alone at the moment. I feel like I don’t know how to be happy anymore and I’m not myself. I try to talk to FI but he just doesn’t understand because he compares his military life and what he’s been through to my family problem and feels I should “adapt and overcome.” Marine life! Ugh!
I’m tired of fighting with everyone and feeling like I’m the bad one just because I want to have my own life. If I’m not helping my family out and giving in to them, I’m against them, selfish and to blame for their problems. If I’m around them, they are too involved in my life and start drama that I don’t want. Sorry for long post. Just needed to vent I guess. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.
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Post # 2
I just don’t have motivation at times to do anything and often wish I was just dead. Feels easier to think that way than try to beoptimistic about anything else.
Post # 3
Silly_love: I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes we need to be alone to recharge our batteries. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’re not selfish or a bad person. Every situation is different, normally family ties are very important. But if you are feeling that they put you down and don’t let you grow as a person, I’d keep distance from them. Do you have a chance to take a mini vacation? Just all the time for you and do something fun, whatever you like!
Post # 4
masteritsa: thank you for replying. I wish I had the money to get away. I’m currently not working. Looking for a job now. I was just waiting until my car got fix so I’ll have transportation. Im sure once I start working again things will get better. I think that’s what has me depress too. Not working and making my own money. I sell my art but it’s not a consistent paycheck every week.
Post # 5
Silly_love: Maybe while your FI is away, you can do something for yourself. I’m sure that it’s just temporary. All the good will come your way:) It’s great that you create something and you can express yourself. Maybe you can join art club or participate in festivals, this way you’ll meet new people:)
Post # 6
Silly_love: I’m really sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time at the moment – it really does sound like a lot of things are stacking up on you and making life complicated. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better!
I think given everything that is going on for you right now, it would be a good idea to make an appointment to talk with your doctor. They may be able to help you focus on making sure you are taking care of yourself, and maybe set you up to talk to a counsellor or someone else who can better help you put everything in perspective and find the best way forward. A problem shared is a problem halved, and even just talking to someone can make a world of difference.
When we feel down and overwhelmed, it is so difficult to make decisions and figure out what to do next. I was feeling a very similar way a few months ago (albeit in a very different situation) and it was only with the guidance of objective professionals that I was able to get back on track.
I really hope that your brighter days are just around the corner! In the meantime, be very kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Post # 7
I am so sorry you are going through this. This March will be one year since I talked to my mother also….same story as you basically ~ she insults and puts down me but then says that’s not what she meant and then she’s the victim. All my family has forgiven her for what happened last year and since I am the only one still not speaking to her, I”M the one that’s the problem now.
I’m sorry you don’t have an answer for you. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Post # 8
Silly_love: Has your FI talked to anyone about his PTSD? That really needs to be addressed, he can’t go on letting it affect his life like that. And what’s his excuse for breaking plans with you? That’s not ok.
In terms of the situation with your mom, I’m sure you had your reasons for cutting her off and you shouldn’t feel any guilt or responsibility to do what your brothers want. Stick to your plan of taking your dad out separately and don’t invite your mother back into your life. It’s not worth it.
I hope you’re feeling better today! Please find someone to talk to that can help you through this.
Post # 9
spiffanee: Thank you for your response. I do feel a lot better. I actually went to the dinner to surprise my dad, but just my brother and his GF were there. My dad had canceled. Apparently too hungover. Lol. So we decided to go surprise him at his house. He was passed out. But once he woke up he was so happy to see me. It wasn’t as bad as I thought I will feel.
As for my FI he tends to say things or make promises without thinking and his intentions are good but tries to act like superman, he can do anything. When he knows he possibly shouldn’t be making plans without knowing 100% if he can commit to them. He’s getting better though. I always have serious talks about him doing that and he feels so bad. I know he’s under a lot if pressure too with work and supporting us.
As for my mom. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to her. I’ve decided to call her on her bday this month and just say happy bday and that I’m fine. But not reuniting or discussing anything else. I’m tired of fighting everyone and being distant. So I’ll meet them halfway and hopefully things get better from there. But if i see my mom hasn’t changed, at least I can say I tried bad once again, have a valid reason not to talk to her again.