I feel so tired. In my soul. (long)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@iarebridezilla:  All I can offer is a big internet hug.  I know how you feel, and some days are harder than others.  I do think that with your baby being so young, some of your angst is typical, normal, plain-old adjustment period crap.

I think you have a lot going on.  The weather, the move, getting into a mom groove, it’s an awful big bite to chew.

I’m not going to say it gets so much easier, because my lame ass is in bed by about 9am most nights, even weekends.  Ok, who am I kidding, if I see 9pm it’s a miracle.

It’s important to keep a little bit of yourself though.  I still try to meet up with other moms for brunch, sometimes with the kids, sometimes without.  Honestly though, having a major extracirricular activity at this point is harder than what I really care to bother with.  I bowl on a league which is great, but it’s a hassle getting there on time and half the time I bring the baby.  Yep, I bring my 10 month old baby to a bowling alley.  Mom of the Year, right here :/

Hang in there, definitely see what you can manage in terms of meeting new people, moms or otherwise.  Hire a sitter if you need to.  Do like, ONE date night, baby-free, every other month.  It’s important.  And hang in there.  Enjoy your sweet cherub baby, but remember that you are a PERSON too.

Post # 4
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@iarebridezilla:  Oh my dear, you have my sympathy! I’m currently going through a lonely slump – I wish I was in Seattle and I’d come sit on your couch and we could just hang out and talk and feel like normal people and then go to bed at 9pm. I think you have a lot to offer as a friend, I hope you can find a new hobby and meet some great people soon! 

Thinking about spring coming and being able to go for walks outside when its not a frozen tundra of despair really keeps me going. 

Post # 6
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@iarebridezilla:  Hey you…I am so sorry you are feeling so blue.  I am not a mother, do not have an infant/child to take care of, live in a city with lots of family and friends, enjoy whom I work with, and am still pretty effing miserable at the moment!!  I think between the two of us, you absolutely have the right to sing the blues – more so than myself, but no matter what or why…a funk is a funk, and it SUCKS!

I completely empathize with you in that way.  For me, I can admit that the hard winter has taken a huge toll on me, and my emotions.  We have the option to pick up, and go out whenever we want, but we do not, because we do not want to ‘deal with’ being cold, brushing off our cars, etc, etc.  It is so dark and dreary here too, and so when I get home from work – at 530pm, and the sun is almost setting, all I want to do is go to bed!! AND THAT IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT I DO!!!!

All of these things, as far as I go, are excuses I use which inhibit my overall happy demeanor, but oh well, excuses are all I have to give.  

I do not pretend to understand your predicament per se, and I know many of my friends are in your same boat, but I have to ask if there is a reason you have not sought out a babysitter to call so you can get out (excluding family or friends!). Is it because it is so expensive? Or, you would not trust a ‘stranger’ with your child??  That is what most of my friends say, but sometimes I wonder if finding someone, after extensive research and interviews, would be a small glimmer of hope to get out for a short bit with your DH, his new friends, and their wives?!  I say that with no ill-intention, and admitting I have no clue what I will think or feel as a one day mother…:)  

Spring is ALMOST, so far away, here…I think we can all agree that sunshine will bring a better mood, and even taking a long walk with your DD in the evenings, would make you feel better…right??

Post # 8
5812 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@iarebridezilla:  Have you found other Mothers in your area? My friend made lots of friends with other Mothers from the Day Care their DD goes to. It’s hard, but they still make time to get together, sometimes with kids, sometimes without.

Look around for some Mother’s groups and plan some play dates. The women you click with, invite out for a drink on Fri or Sat night for an hour or two. 

Once you get the ball rolling, one thing I do with 2 girlfriends who have kids is have a Friday night “Happy Hour”. After the kids are asleep, the husbands watch the kids, and we rotate who’s house we go to. So from 8-10, we just chat and drink wine and eat guacomole/chips. We rarely have time to talk during the week. But having that 2 hours is the highlight of my week. 

Post # 9
939 posts
Busy bee

@iarebridezilla:  that totally sucks that you are feeling this way, it’s probably a combo of big life changes and the crappy winter. why can’t you bring the baby to meet the wives of the guys he’s befrending? I brought my daughter with me tons of places when she was an infant and I think it was really good for both of us. if you get home after bedtime it’s not the end of the world, especially since it seems like her schedule is usually pretty consistent. I would just stick my daughter in the ergo, and she would usually fall asleep at some point.  the other thing I could reccomend is trying a later bedtime. at this point she will likely easily adjust her schedule, and you might get to sleep in a little more in the mornings!

Post # 11
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Know exactly how you feel.  A few options … pack up the baby and go with your husband, especially if he is encouraging you.  Socialize.  You will feel 10x’s better.  It’s all about having adult conversations, and people, especially woman, really do love having a baby around.  Having a baby shouldn’t stop you.  Go to dinner with your husband and baby.  She is portable 🙂  I went every where with the kids, didn’t stop me.  Now when they get to 1 YO or older, sometimes it can be more challenging, however, I am a firm believer that a child will not know how to act/behave in public if they are not exposed to public activities.  Make sense ?  Not to toot my horn, however, I get a ton of compliments on how well my boys behave (age 8, 10 and 10) in public and at events.  They went everywhere. 

Also, do not feel that you have to be super woman.  I worked and did the super mom thing, and got burned out.  I would enjoy your hour with the baby, do the bottles quick after bed then relax.  Can you DH do bath time while you do bottles or vice versa ?  Or while he bathes you clean, do a load of laundry or you bathe and he does the chores ??  Team work helps a ton and lifts a lot of burden off of you.  If the house needs to be dusted, vacuumed …meh.  Dust and dirt is not going any where.  It can wait.  Your baby won’t be a baby forever.  So, slow down, enjoy your time, stop being super woman/mom and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy your time.  Take that baby out, go out, have fun ! Instead of it all feeling like a burden, it will all turn to a positive.  You got this.

Post # 12
5812 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Dust and dirt is not going any where.  It can wait.  Your baby won’t be a baby forever. ” So true! Your child wont be permanently harmed if the house is dirty. But being stress out all the time affects the relationship you have with her. 

I know my relationship with my Mom has been permanently damaged because she was “into” having a clean house and not connecting with me. 

Post # 14
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@iarebridezilla:  sounds like a case of the winter blahs with a side of baby blues. The structure of my life is very different from yours, but I have that same “going through the motions” feeling, and it’s hard to shake. I want to do so much more, but I just don’t, and it disappoints me. I’m up at 6 every morning, but struggle to stay awake past 9 PM, which I know FI hates. I just constantly feel like I’m only getting by, nothing more. I hope the Spring comes soon and warms us both up to life a little.

Post # 15
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@iarebridezilla:  * Hugs *  I hope things get better for you soon. 

Hmmm.  That sounds like a lame Hallmark card, sorry.  I can’t add to the great advice you’ve already gotten from everyone but just wanted to say I understand and I’ve been in a funk lately, too.  Winter sucks.  I’m sick of it, I hate February and March weather.  I can’t wait for spring. 

Hang in there for April.

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