(Closed) … I feel so unimportant and excluded…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
3183 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, technically, you have not been in the family longer because you aren’t technically part of the family. That’s what the marriage signifies.  I understand it might feel awkward, I’ve been there!  Try not to let it bother you so much.  I’m sure they were just thinking about getting pictures with the family. 

ETA – and yes, it would be strange to not include her in your pictures at your wedding. Assuming that the rest of that immediate family was in them. 

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes, I don’t think she has to include you in pictures. It’s a nice gesture but it’s the bride and grooms call to make. Excluded someome wife on the other hand is going to cause great issues.

Also if you been with your Fi for six or seven years like common law spouses it be a different story. Rather then dating a few years.

Post # 7
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t know, while I could understand being upset, and would also probably be upset if I were caught in that situation, I’m still going to side with the bride on this one.  Regardless of how long they were dating before they were married, they are married now.  She wanted a family shot, and sorry, but technically you are not family.  In the grand scheme of things, I think this is something that you should let slide.  She was probably so caught up in everything that was going on that it didn’t really occur to her that she would be putting you out that way. 

Post # 8
Member
3183 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Iamlost:  That’s a different issue all together.  Although if you are using situations like this to support your theory of “she hates me” you might be off base.

Post # 9
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m sorry she hurt your feelings by seemingly excluding you. I know it sucks to feel like an outsider. However, she is part of the family and I don’t see how you could reasonably exclude her from those group shots. I also don’t think you should stoop down to her level, so to speak. You can’t control someone’s actions, only your reactions to them. I would try to be the bigger person and let this go for your own happiness and frame of mind. 

Post # 10
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Iamlost:  I understand why you’re upset but technically you aren’t family so she didn’t have to include you. It would be odd if you didn’t include her in your family pics since she IS family now. 

Why do you think she hates you?

Post # 13
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Reverse the roles, it’s your wedding day and she’s not yet engaged to your husband’s brother. You are not obliged to have her in any of your official photography. Would you want her in your pictures seeing as she’s not technically part of your new family yet? 

Personally it’s not something I would even worry about but you should have just smiled and looked happy for them all. By the way, when you do get married she should be in a picture as you are effectively joining her’s and her husband’s family. Do yourself a favour by letting it go. Had you been the grooms sister I would have taken your side, but your not. 

 

Post # 14
Member
6209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I definitely agree that you are not doing yourself any favors by excluding her from your pictures and saying marriage does not count as immediate family. What you would be doing would be childish and petty compared to what she did, since you really would have no reason to exclude her.

Post # 15
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

@Iamlost:  It would be your wedding, so it’s up to you who you want in the photos. However, you have to understand that you will probably come off badly to your fiance’s family if you exclude her. It will seem petty, and it will reflect very badly on you.

Ultimately it’s up to you to decide, but I think you have to look at the big picture – and work out what the consequences might be for your relationship with that side of the family. It would be much better to be the bigger person in this.

In any case, you’re not even engaged yet, so you might change your mind when/if you eventually get married. Don’t plan now on who you want in your photos. 

In fact, this time might be a good time to build bridges and get to know her a bit better.

The topic ‘… I feel so unimportant and excluded…’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors