Post # 1
I am really torn. After a 20 year marriage, and subsequent divorce, I met a wonderful man who rekindled the romance in me, and he has asked me to marry him. (he’s 11 years my junior) (I’m 51) This will be his first marriage, and he is more interested in the traditional aspects of a wedding. I’m feeling like “been there, done that”. I’m trying to get out of the mindset that this wedding planning stuff is all for 20-somethings. Everything I look at seems very “young”, and I don’t want people to think I’m trying to recapture my youth. (that ship has sailed)
Oh, this is all hard to describe. Maybe another 40-something bride will understand me.
Post # 2
bonbon663: I’m not sure if this is any help, but I’m a young (20-something) bride who also feels too old for traditional wedding stuff. Maybe because I was raised by my great-grandparents, maybe because my partner is a decade older than me, who knows. It’s hard for me to get into all the “frou frou” wedding planning stuff; I could not care less about showers or parties or invitations or chair covers. Maybe you and your partner can do what we’re doing and have a planned elopement, then a party later?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Yeah i felt that way too (46 here) and he is 48. We were both married/divorced. Try to add some untraditional elements in the wedding.
Maybe ask him what he feels is traditional to him that he really wants incorporated in the wedding and then list what you would like to do and then maybe try and compromise on some of it.
For us that is untraditional that we are doing (trying to keep it simple):
no bridal party
no bachelor/bachelorette parties
no engagement party/showers
no father walking me down (walking in together)
having small wedding
no garter or bouquet toss
no guest book (having photo booth/scrapbook)
no father/daughter, mother/son dance (in middle of our first dance, we are just inviting all the family up..then others)
But there are a lot of traditional elements that we do have to still keep it “wedding like” that we both do want (or we have compromised that the other wanted).
So just start making a list, keep communication open as what you want starting with the general feel of what you want, venue, size, budget and then go from there when making decisions.
Post # 4
bonbon663: I got married at 50 and did a lot of the traditional stuff but definitely not all. You can pick and choose what you want, that is the beauty of being older and less reliant on others’ opinions. For example, I had a bachelorette party because I actually wanted one. Also it ia his first time so it will be special to your FI
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn
I’m getting married in 9 days. My partner and I are an older same sex couple. I am 38, my partner 44. Since we are not a “traditional” couple we felt little need to hold on to traditional things that didn’t appeal to us. We are having an intimate wedding with just 20 guests. We are exchanging personal and traditional vows. I am walking myself down the aisle, as my parents are both deceased. My partner’s Mom is walking her down the aisle. We are having a small wedding party. No garter toss, no bouquet toss. No huge dance party, more of a dinner party feel. I hope you are both able to compromise a little with each other to create a wedding that is a reflection of both of you and your relationship.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I am a 46 year old bride to be. I also feel the same way. My Love is 53 and never been married. He wants to do everything the traditional way. There are times I get excited. There are times I don’t want to deal with it and other times I want him to have his dream. I eloped my first marriage so I didn’t have the wedding my first go around. I am wearing ivory, he wants white. While I really wanted black. He wants to look like James Bond in a white tux jacket so why not It’s all about compromise. I think he is more excited than I am.
Post # 7
bonbon663: this is his FIRST wedding and he’s excited 🙂 give him what he wants and make him happy. this is a celebration of love!
Post # 8
bonbon663: Yeah I’ll be 39 when I get married, and its my first. I dont want to do a lot of the traditional stuff. No garter/boquet toss. No dollar dance, one bridesmaid.
But you should probably compriomise on stuff so that he gets some of what he wants.
Post # 9
You can pick and choose what traditional aspects you can tolerate.
Since this is your fiance’s first wedding, certain traditions are important to him.
Both of you have to be willing to compromise.
Post # 10
I am 33 but my husband is 55 and we just got married in June of this year. He had already been married before (courthouse wedding) but wasn’t really into the whole wedding stuff and didn’t want to do the traditional wedding thing. He wanted to elope, I wanted the traditional wedding with my parents, family and friends and a wedding dress! We compromised, had a small wedding with 21 guests, an outside ceremony by the water in a beautifull gazebo and high tea instead of the traditional dinner/dance. It was beautifull and traditional in some ways but non traditional in others.
I totally undrestand how you feel, i would suggest compromising and meeting each other half way, but also because this is his first wedding try to accomodate him when you can so that he can have his dream! Good luck and remember to have fun!
Post # 11
I’m 50 and this is my first marriage. My FI is 49, his first marriage as well. I’m shocked at how easy I was sucked in by the whole wedding industrial complex. I’m mostly over it now and hope to be as nontraditional as I can.
Post # 12
I just got married at 36, so not quite 40 yet but I felt the same way. We had a small destination wedding because I didn’t want the 200 person church/fancy extravaganza. We invited very, very few people.
I didn’t wear a veil and my dress was more mature looking. I walked myself down the aisle and we had no bridal party.
We didn’t have a registry because we bought everything we need or wanted already.
We didn’t have a bridal shower, batchelor/batchelorette parties.
Oh, no garter toss or anything like that.
We had fun and it was more important to have great food and great pictures and spend time with very close family/friends.
It was our first marriage for both after having been dating and living together for 11 years. I don’t regret what we did and would do it again in a heartbeat.
Post # 13
bonbon663: If he’s excited about some of the traditional stuff I’d do it for him. Maybe you can find a bit of a happy medium? I was over 40 when I recently got married (again). We just had a very small party, though. We did have a cake and I did wear a long, simple white dress. Felt bride-y, but not 20!
Post # 14
I second the opinion of PPs and suggest that you sit down with him and discuss what aspects of a “wedding” are important to each one of you. Perhaps it’s the religious aspect, sharing with loved ones, the party, the dress, rings… Then find ways of incorporating those elements into a celebration that is uniquely your own! Build it, add to it, take away whatever you don’t like, wear whatever you want and make it YOUR wedding. Not A traditional or untraditional wedding but YOUR wedding. The age thing? It doesn’t matter. The only hing that does matter is that your make it your own and that both of you feel happily married at the end of that day.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2017 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water
I am 46 and my FH is 52. He’s been married before. I’ve never been married. I am planning my wedding without regard for the “norm” or “tradition”. I just want to have a wedding my way. My FH says he’s been there, done that but for me he will celebrate however I want. I am realize I am “grown and sexy” and my wedding wil reflect that. I am not trying to be 20 or 30 again. Frankly I don’t want to be 20 or 30 again. I love it right where I am. For the OP I think you should see your wedding event as a celebration for both of you and plan a wedding together that makes the both of you happy.