Post # 1
Remember me? http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/so-intended-to-cheat-but-had-a-change-of-heart-wwyd/page/4#post-5922028
Everyone told me to break up with him. My friends told me to break up with him. The little voice in the back of my head told me to break up with him. But I was so in love with him, and he was my very best friend in the world, and he promised me nothing like that would ever happen again. So I stayed.
And then a month ago, I looked on his iPad again. Because I never trusted him after that. And sure enough, he had made an account on Adult Friend Finder back in December. He’d done nothing with it, no pictures, no messages, barely any viewed profiles. But he made the account. His little tagline said something like “Ready for fun” and he had checked off the kinds of people he was interested in (couples…women…groups…). His info said he was looking for passion.
I promised myself when I stayed with him over the Craigslist emails that I wouldn’t deal with any more “grey area” things. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. This was a grey area, and I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. We both cried so much. He tried to lie, said he made the account years ago–but there’s a date on his profile that says what day he created it. There is a “welcome” email from the website in his inbox on that same day. There’s no way he was telling the truth. (Also, he said he was ten years younger than he is. Pathetic, right? And seven years ago when he said he made it he wouldn’t have put his birthdate that young, because it would have made him a teenager).
I talked to my ex last night. So. Stupid. We talked for the first time and we both cried the whole time. I miss him SO much, I didn’t even realize how much I missed him. I thought I was fine, honestly. But this morning it’s like…what did I do? That was my BEST FRIEND. I miss him so desperately. Couldn’t we fix things? Doesn’t love conquer all? He didn’t *actually* cheat on me. I’m trying to remember that love does NOT fix everything and he does not deserve to be my soulmate. I’m trying to remember I did the right thing. But it’s so hard when you miss him so much.
Tell me I did the right thing. Tell me not to talk to him. Tell me it gets better. Tell me I’ll stop regretting it. I’m having a hard day today.
Post # 2
You absolutley did the right thing. It of course will be hard now. But you will forever thank yourself.
Post # 3
You absolutely did the right thing! This man is NOT your best friend- he clearly does not have any respect for you, and he WILL NOT CHANGE. Run and don’t look back!
Post # 4
That’s not the kind of “love” you want, honey. You did the right thing. Break all ties with him so you can heal and move on.
Post # 5
You did the right thing, and it will get better. He has shown you twice now that he is untrustworthy. Go out with your friends, keep yourself busy, meet new people. There is a guy out there (not your ex) who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Post # 6
((HUGG)) You did the right thing. As much as it hurts, you also need to cut off all contact and let yourself heal without him. Your ex has a problem and you know deep down inside that it would continue throughout marriage. Wishing you the best!
Post # 6
anonabee1600: You did the right thing. It may hurt a lot right now, but you are saving yourself a lot of hurt in the future.
Post # 8
I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is cut off all contact. Delete his number and his email, unfriend him on facebook, do whatever you need to so that way you can’t be tempted to continue reaching out for him. Unfortunately in situations like this distance is the only way you’ll be able to step back, clear your head, and think objectively about it.
Post # 9
He has done this THREE times now…that you know about. He doesn’t love you, and he isn’t your best friend-you know how I know? Because when you love someone, or they are your best friend, you respect them. And he has shown you nothing but disrespect, time and time again.
You need to love yourself. And respect yourself. And be your own best friend. And not put up with this any more, because you deserve more from the people in your life.
Post # 10
anonabee1600: You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing in ending that relationship.
Don’t EVER base your life choices soley on your feelings, regardless of how intense they may be. Emotions OFTEN will lead you in the wrong direction. It doesn’t matter if this guy has been your best friend for years, and it doesn’t matter that you may feel the strongest pull imaginable to return to him. Neither of those things means you are meant to be together. They just mean that you are going to feel some intense emotional pain while you get over this relationship.
Hang in there! Your heart WILL heal, if you allow it to do so, and that will require you to stop entertaining any thoughts of a reconciliation. Doublemindedness will just breed indecision and prolong the agony.
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
anonabee1600: Absolutely, 100% the right thing!
Post # 12
You did the right thing! It’s hard , no one would expect it to be easy. I can’t imagine you enjoyed being treated like that so why would you go back? A best friend doesn’t do these types of things. Wether it was your ex or a different type of best friend!
Cheating isn’t always physical, if you hide/delete things and are sneaky about things imho your already there!!
you did the right thing, it’s hard now but it will get easier.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
anonabee1600: My heart breaks for you because there is no part of this situation that is fair. You did the RIGHT thing. He will not change. Even if he did change, you will NEVER fully trust him again. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with that nagging feeling in your stomach, wondering if he’s still cheating? Even if you can’t find any proof, wondering if he just got better at hiding his tracks? Every time he works late, goes out with the guys, gets a text from a number you don’t know, you will be wondering. You are BETTER than that! You deserve a man (and your ex is a boy, not a man) a man who respects you and loves you and is loyal to you.
This isn’t your fault. Your ex obviously has fidelity and commitment issues that run much deeper than just you. He can’t be fixed. The trust between you can’t be fixed. You’re going to have hard days, just remember that it will get better. You will look back on this in 5 years and kick yourself for not doing it sooner. Do not waste a second more of your time on this boy. Go hang out with your girlfriends, your family, and most importantly spend time getting to know yourself again. You WILL find someone else. *HUGS*
Post # 14
anonabee1600: You for sure did the right thing. The only reason he didn’t “actually” cheat YET was because no one had responded to him YET. But he intended to and was fully prepared too, which in some cases is just as bad.
I know it can be so hard when you’re so close to someone. Not only losing someone you love but at the same time is your best friend. He doesn’t deserve you and don’t let him guilt you because he “didn’t actually do anything”.
Post # 15
anonabee1600: I read your earlier post too. So he really DID cheat on you the first time you were dating. You broke up and got back together. Then he ALMOST cheated via Craig’s List. Now he ALMOST cheated again via Adult Friend Finder. He WILL cheat again. It’s just a matter of time.
How much more trampling on your heart can you take? I see this as a blessing. You deserve a man that treats you exactly how you need to be treated- with dignity AND respect. Fuck him.