- 3 years ago
I am a frequent user who had created a different username, for some anonymity on an issue too personal to associate with my regular screenname….
Let me first start by saying that both FI and I are both close to 40. We were both married previously and have been cheated on, so we each have issues surrounding that. He was raised a gentleman and is genuinely a good person. He has never given me reason to question his ethics or suspect any infidelity. But, last night FI had to work late (which was my ex husbands choice excuse to cheat). and there was an incident…
FI working late or nightshift happens occasionally, as his job is one where he has to drop everything and go – especially if he is on call. Last night he left for the office at approximately 8:30, after he had taken his son to cub scouts. I was hoping to wait up for him to return, but I texted him around 10 pm letting him know that I was starting to get sleepy. He responded that he would try to finish in the next 20-30 minutes and head home. So I went upstairs to bed watch TV and eventually fell asleep.
At approximately 1:30 am I sprang out of a dead sleep when I realized he was not in the bed next to me. I immediately texted him “where are you???” He responded immediately, but in my half-asleep, panic mode – without reading his response – I jumped up and ran downstairs thinking he was down there. It was dark, so I thought maybe he had just arrived home. I stood at the window looking out for a moment thinking he would be walking up the path, when I heard the toilet flush upstairs. So I headed back to our room only to meet him coming out of our master bathroom.
In my sleepy confusion, I felt he was behaving a little strangely and started asking him very accusatory questions about where he had been, why he hadn’t woken me up when he got home and how long he’d been there. He seemed a little confused and kept saying “huh?” to my questions (which we all know is a potential stall tactic). I told him that something seemed suspicious and asked to see his work cell phone, which he readily gave up. I questioned him about a text he received from a co-working asking if he was sleeping at the office. He said that co-worker (who was working the night shift) was responding to his call to vent regarding some messy paperwork another co-worker left for him. I looked at his Facebook account and found nothing out of the ordinary. When I pulled up his internet history, I found approximately 20 browser windows open with scantily clad girls with tattoos. Some were in bathing suits, some in lingerie, some were sucking on popsicles. I asked to see his personal cell phone and outlook email. He handed it over without question and offered to show me the billing paperwork he had been working on as well. I looked at all of it including his inbox, outbox and deleted mail and found absolutely nothing, which I was satisfied with.
For some reason though, I was still bothered by the tattooed girls on his phone. He apologized and said he didn’t think anything of them, but if it bothered me he wouldn’t look at them anymore. There was nothing graphic and no one was nude, but it still upset me a bit that he may be using them as “inspiration” instead of wanting to be with me. Our frequency in the intimacy area has declined over the last year or so and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because he’s spending a half hour in the bathroom in bed each night with these young tattooed girls. I can’t be sure it’s not just a low libido (which it seems he has history of) or if it’s me.
I am seeing an individual therapist and we are scheduled to start couples therapy in mid May, but I’m not sure if this was just a ridiculous (on my part) isolated incident or if I have a real reason for concern here. I realize I may have potentially flown off the handle unjustifiably, which is why I am turning to you all for support and a little helpful advice. Thanks in advance for your patience and kind words.