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Yep. Totally normal, particularly if your boyfriend isn't forthcoming with compliments and um, "twister" initiations. 
Now, if you find yourself doing that OFTEN, then you might have a problem. But I've done it myself once or twice in the past!
As for the proposal, at least you'll be nice and surprised when he does it! I know it's hard but try to be patient. This is HIS thing (the proposal) so it really needs to unfold his way.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Oh honey! If that's the worst case of crazy you've ever whipped out then do NOT worry about it!
I would love to be one of those gals who quietly waits for the engagement ring, mysteriously not mentioning it until the guys pops the question. Fortunately or unfortunately, though, I am about as mysterious as Cheez Wiz (hmm...bad analogy...Cheez Wiz is kind of a mysterious substance actually...) and I tend to throw everything out on the table. This has led to some regrettable pre-engagement whining on my part, especially after a few glasses of wine ("I know we want to save up and do the wedding next September but can't we just get engaged now?! I want to wear my riiiiing!!") When I have calmed down again BF will laugh at my crazy self with me!
I swear to you, this particular topic makes the most grounded women crazy, especially if the BF is hemming and hawing for whatever reason!
Aw you guys are such sweethearts. I felt so ridiculous this morning; I was afraid he'd think I am bat sh*t crazy. I'm glad to know others have lost their cool too.
Believe me, when he mentioned buying a new hiking tent online tonigt I couldn't stop myself from asking I'd he's bought anything else expensive lately too!
It is ok. Like I said on another thread where I proclaimed how happy I am to not really be single, "give me a choclate cupcake and NOBODY gets hurt!!!".. just have a little chocolate, go get a pedicure and a foot massage (I had one today) and relax.
Your hive friends have your back. I'm there..been there. I've had complete meltdowns over wedding discussions with my guy..and I about lost it the other night when he suggested we watch "Bride Wars"..but he handed me a handfull of cherries (which i love almost as much as a good cupcake) and rubbed my feet and I was fine :)
You're just wondering what is going on in his head. Normal. wondering why the wait. Extremely normal. If you're batsh*t crazy, then I'm totally certifiable, ready for the rubber room kind of wacky!!!
forgeddaboudit! Your guy probably already did anyway!
Just relax, enjoy this time where there is no stress, the calm before the wedding planning storm, and go get that chocolate cupcake! I prefer the two bite chocolate cupcakes because if I eat just one I don't feel so bad about sabotaging my diet!
Hugs...
Btw..still laughing at Miss Summertime and Cheese Whiz!!! I almost blew my coke zero out my nose at that one!
Giiiiiiirl. Go ahead and PM me if you want to talk engaged-in-waiting crazy. I am "officially" engaged now, but in all honesty, I am too embarrassed to write about my pre-officialness lunacy on this board.
It happens to the best of us. Just be grateful you have an awesome bf that listens to you and makes you feel better when you are in freak-out mode!
we are >>>here<<< on the nutty engagement. i am impatiently waiting and i don't want to get my hopes up (my bday is coming soon). he says he wants to surprise me, but i'm afraid to get my hopes up because i think he'll read it all over my face that i am not happy.
I'm with you Crebre80. I REFUSE to think it will happen on any certain designated as important day. Thus, I have ruled out the 4th of July, Labor Day, and possibly our summer vacation next month.
If it DOES happen I'll be fine with it.
Then again, HE suggested 2 days ago for us to actually watch "Bride Wars". He asked me (after Anne got her e ring in the fortune cookie) "How should a guy ask a girl to marry him?"
What did I say to that? (realize that I am of course, now somewhat disillusioned and a bit of a downplayer about this subject) "I have no damn clue how you guys do that."
I told my sis about it, and she said "Belle you are sometimes quite dunderheaded..he may have been asking you HOW you wished to be asked."
I just don't let upcoming holidays or days of significance cause me to sweat it anymore. He will do it when he either has it payed off (very conservative financially) or in his own time, although he's claiming it will be soon (which makes me want to stick my fingers in my ears and go lalalala).
CHK I feel like we are totally on the same wavelength, every time you post I 100% relate!
I had a mini break down the other day too, like, do you want me? why can't we get engaged? blah blah blah... and he was just like baby, you trust me right? you know I love you right? then please let me do this my way.
after that little bit I felt foolish too, because he's right. He wants to surprise me, and if I continue to bother him it won't be a surprise. I've stopped letting myself talk about it to him, and just live vicariously through the bees :)
Awww... you know he loves if he KNOWS how crazy you are, and still thinks you're the most amazing person he's ever met.
My recent meltdown involved me deciding that I was not marry-able, b/c our invitations were technically accurate, but the paper is kind of cheezy. I was under a lot of stress that week, and was suggested that we use them to wallpaper the house that we just placed an offer on. He gave me a hug and a cookie, when he should have called some authority.
A little crazy is good.
CHK your post cracked me up! :)
It wouldn't be normal if we didn't say such "foolish" things. Totally been there.
Oh I think we've all had those moments. Especially when you tell him you don't really care if you have an engagement ring (really didn't care but wanted a super blingy band!). And he says "No, you deserve an engagement ring. I want you to have an engagement ring". And then you go look at rings and pick out a few contenders. And then months go by. Your birthday goes by. Christmas goes by. New Years goes by. And your 1st anniversary of dating goes by and NO ring. And he tells you it's ok to start planning. And you go pick out a dress. And the girl at the bridal store probably thinks your crazy because you are shopping for wedding dress with no ring! Finally, it happens and you will forget about all of your crazy behavior, and second guessing his feelings, and you'll be just so happy to have that sparkle on your finger. And you won't stop smiling for days.
I've learned the hard way that guys just need to do things on their own schedule. Be patient and live vicariously through all the brides on weddingbee until your time comes. Because once it does, it's a rollar coaster ride! Especially if you decided to get married within 7 months of getting engaged like me!
so not only have i totally done the same thing before, many times (we have a "game" we play late at night, probably at least once a week, before we fall asleep where i ask my guy silly questions, like, why do you love me, when did you realize you loved me, do you think all my questions are cute or annoying, blah blah blah), but i'm not even embarraseed about it! he's not the most forthcoming about his feelings and sometimes needs a little prodding to express himself. overall, i'm really low maintenance, but that doesn't mean i don't have needs, and i get insecure and need reassurances. and it's okay to be completely vulnerable to each other, because he's the one person i can be completely unguarded around. the tone of the conversation is usually pretty playful and light-hearted, i try not to push too much on the "when are we getting engaged" questions, but i definitely show him my vulnerability and insecurities. he sometimes gets annoyed, but really i think he loves it--whenever i'm out of town (i travel for work a lot), he says what he misses most is our time before we fall asleep
so, in my opinion, don't feel foolish! for me, it's being able to be that vulnerable that makes the relationship so unique and meaningful. if he couldn't take it and make me feel better without judging me, i wouldn't be as completely comfortable as i am. he sees me as i am and loves me for it, which is why i love him
Ah, I feel you!! I also picked out a ring in March and have been impatiently waiting. My birthday was in May and I was visiting family with him in Chicago - everybody was SURE he was going to do it then and of course he didn't. I was crestfallen and was so disappointed I couldn't help but start crying in the car on the way to dinner. I felt like such a dumbass, so I know how you feel! I've been with my man for seven years and I am trying to be patient but the waiting is AWFUL!! Hang in there and you're really very normal, as you can see! Let's hope we get them soon!
Girl, we've all been there! For me 95% of the time it's when I'm PMSing (although I'd never admit it to him!). The woman time makes you feel like you've taken crazy pills. Totally normal.
Dude (yeah, I know,who says dude past the age of 20, I do!)... I know where you're coming from!
And I'm not even one of those girls who've hoped and dreamed to get marrried one day. I always thought I'd be single with suitors forever. So imagine my chagrin at finding myself checking his email on his phone to see if he's sent any emails to jewelry stores about rings. Dear god. I know it's bad, I just can't help myself.
We found the perfect ring in the beginning of June and I simply cannot contain my excitement. I knowww it's coming, I just don't know when! It's especially killing me now because I know it would take 4 weeks for Tacori to make the ring we saw, and the 4 week deadline is here! Ack!
Waiting for rings brings out the crazy in us all, and we do things we would never normally do. I'm learning to accept that. My gift, my curse. Like spiderman.
This is is, itsn't it purty?
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@fiya, hahaha! "Like Spiderman." I told my FI before he proposed that I felt like I was turning into Gollum from Lord of the Rings over the whole thing. "MY.....PRECIOUSSSSSS!!!"
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totaly normal. I do it all the time. I'm not very confident with my body, so when i get really stressed i tend to really pick at myself, buy FH is always there for me.
If that's as crazy as you get, then don't worry! My brand of crazy brings things to another level at times (especially after weddings) and he's amazing. He is patient and loving no matter how crazy I can be. The next day, after I've calmed down, I feel like a jerk and apologize. Ugh, never thought I'd be in this situation, but I'm dealing.
Miss Summertime, you are a riot!!!! lol
HAHA ive also done my share of pre-engagement whining/sobbing lol but ive really cooled it down recently. With the approaching holiday AND our 2 year mark since first meeting each other coming at the end of this month, I am trying to keep my cool. The boy keeps asking specifically which date did we MEET on (which is a different date than our anniversary date obviously) so that is kind of throwing red flags up to me....but on the other hand, i dont want to rush through july waiting for that day to come...and then get disappointed when/if he doesn't propose. on july 27th. and then we will be into august, and next thing you know summer is gone!
I guess what im trying to say is that im really just trying to enjoy every day. Summertime is my favorite season (think lay out on beach alll day with drink in hand in 95 degree heat kind of person....thats me lol) so im really trying to focus on the fact that my favorite time of year is here, rather than the thought of a possible proposal. I dont want to turn around and it be September 5th and only then i realize how quickly the summer went, you know?
So yes, i am here too to live vicariously through the other bees who are engaged and wedding planning, knowing that my time is coming soon, but not trying to rush through the days/weeks/months approaching our proposal.
and i might mention that the first time we went ring shopping was december 2008, and we have gone ring shopping a few times since then, most recently last week. everytime i get frustrated thinking of when!!!dammit when!!! bc of the fact that i feel we have been browsing for so long, i remind myself that they boy just wants my ideas, but plans on designing the ring himself, based on what i like.
Fiya - that's gorgeous!! Here's the beauty I'm waiting for. The engraving is custom made and a pal just let it slip that the ring is being MADE RIGHT NOW!! woohooo! I'm a naughty girl for knowing that but I'm not gonna say a word about anything to the man until I get it!
Haha, I'm surprised my man hasn't made any Gollum references...I've certainly been a pain in the butt about it, just like Gollum...
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sweetheartdealer,
WHAT A BEAUTY!!!! is that Tacori??? i think i might have tried on something similar to that!! You are lucky that you found out that its being made!!! Lucky you!! :)
Soon2Be- Thank you! It's not a tacori, we found it at a little family owned ring shop where the grandfather does the engraving! So sweet! I was surprised that this was "the one" because I always LOVED princess cut, but all the other ones I tried on just looked funny with my fingers. The salesgirl prompted me to try this one and I was like "oh, princess cut doesn't look right on me.." and she's like "do it anyways!" and I put it on and gasped that it was so stunning. So happy I had that moment! :)
Do NOT feel bad at all about this! Anytime we bust out the red wine with dinner on saturday nights where does my tipsy self end up steering the conversation? You got it..."We are still getting engaged soon, right?" etc., etc. I think its just a very stressful and wonderful time waiting for the engagement because both parties are nervous and excited... it's a big deal, and it's hard not to feel a little vulnerable and anxious and crazy about it :) I'm sure guys have their own freak out moments about it that we don't see. :)
@fiyah- i saw dude all the time too! (i'm 25) :P
@CHK - i've done what you've done in the past. I did it more than I'm proud of...but then I started noticing a pattern...it was always the week before that time of month... and i started thinking it was my crazy version of what others call PMS. so i switched bc, and i was fine. stupid bc made me crazy! lol. good luck- i'm sure your man understands :)
correction- i meant to say "say" not "saw"....lol...my stupid typo made for a funny sentence. hehe.
I am cracking up at the cheese whiz and gollum comments...
It is actually 3am and I am up and awake because we went to pick out engagment rings today. We could not make a decision so we are taking a day to think before we go back and purchase. I haven't gotten a proposal yet, he wants to do the ring first, but we have already picked out our wedding date! I feel like everyone thinks I am crazy, we are already doing so much planning and he hasn't popped the question yet! Plus, we are in the process of moving so he can go to law school, and sometimes I call him my fiance to potential employers/wedding vendors because I am afraid they will think I am bat sh*t crazy for booking a wedding without a "groom". Ugh. Just do it already!
tessabella76 and pinckchampagne-
It's a relief to know that other couples do start planning (or guys give permission for the gal to go ahead and start planning) before there's a ring on *that* finger.
I never thought about the Gollum stuff before, it's hysterical!
And here I thought I was the only one. My wedding is only 5 months away, almost entirely planned and still my ring finger is conspicuously bare.
Part of that is due to the fact that we live an ocean apart. Opportunities to propose face-to-face are thin on the ground (and if he asked me on the phone or in an e-mail, well, that would be the end of us). But he came out here about a month ago and all my friends and family were absolutely certain he was going to propose. Two weeks later, I took him back to the airport, I kissed him goodbye and watched him watch walk away, my left hand still unadorned. I didn't cry. But I wanted to.
We're going on holiday together next week. I'm not one for ultimatums, but if he doesn't ask by the time the holiday is over...I might implode.
I think we all go through those thoughts sometimes, so you're definitely not alone! I will think to myself, hmmm I wonder why he is with me. Or Does he actually love me? Then I realize how stupid I'm feeling and that he is head over heels in love with me! :)
so i posted on this thread just about a week ago, and now my wait is over....thank god.
but i will say that i slightly (oh so slightly) will miss that joyful anticipation that comes from waiting to have the man I love ask me to make it official. It's a special time. I know it's hard and agonizing.....my best advice is to put it out of your mind and enjoy every moment with him. It will come. WHen I stopped looking in his hand every time he snuck up on me and wishing I saw a ring box, he asked me. It's like watching water heating on low and waiting for it to boil.
But boil it does. ;)
thank you thank you! :)
I'm thrilled/stoked/no longer feeling like spiderman/gollum
I was going crazy for months before my FI proposed...then again he would randomly pretend he was getting ready to do it. But since he was smart enough to show the ring to my sis while we were visiting I knew a few days in advance it was coming. haha.
But yeah, I still have my weirs random moments when I do the same thing: "Do you still think I'm pretty?" So no worries!
And Congrats Fiya! = ) It is gorgeous!
Gosh... I feel so much better now reading all your comments!! I really really REALLY feel crazy! After our fiasco... see my post... I cried for an hour thinking that he might not love me anymore. That is crazy. I know he loves me. So the question i still have is did your guys act all strange before he proposed? And if so, how? Cuz mine sure is... and I don't get it at all.
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I really wanted to put WTF in the title of this post, but thought better of it!
I'm not sure what is going on with me, but I brought a whole new level of crazy (for me) out last night. We'd had guests staying with us all weekend, so I didn't feel like we got a lot of quality "us" time. Well, as I crawled into bed with Boyfriend, I asked him if he still thought I was pretty? What. The. Hell. I have no idea where it came from.
Partially, I think, I fell like I'm the one who always instigates "twister". He's always more than willing, but sometimes a girl wants to feel desireable, you know?
I think it was also tied to the fact that we picked out an engagement ring in MARCH and he hasn't popped the question yet, which has been slowly undermining my confidence that he actually DOES want to marry me.
The reality is that he's finishing paying off the ring, instead of financing it. I'm sure he's waiting for a weekend that we actually have together to do it. He reminded me last night that he does love me, and does find me attractive, and that he's committed to "us". He defintaley listened to all of my concerns and tried to make me feel better.
I woke up this morning feeling much better, but then started feeling foolish. SHEESH! What the heck was my problem? I seriously let my insecurities get the best of me. I'm wondering if it's because I'm PMSing, or if the birth control I'm taking (but going off of tomorrow) is making me crazy? Or is it the stress of waitingforhimtogoddangitpropose....
Has anyone else ever done this?