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So I fell in love with this bridesmaid dress a while back, but I just brushed it aside while keep looking for additional bridesmaid dresses. I also tossed around the idea of letting my bridemaids pick their own dresses in certain color and length, however, as the more I look at wedding photos the more I like the look of all of the bridesmaids wearing the same dress.
We are having the reception outdoors at an old fashioned farm and I am a farm girl so I was planning on having my maids and myself wear cowboy boots. When I asked my bridesmaids how they felt about this dress, three out of the five approve, I have not heard back from another, and the last one was a bit rude about not likeing it at all. The site where we would get the dresses is lightinthebox.com where you can pay an extra fee to have them make the dress to specific measurements. Thus, I do think that this dress would look good on all of the girls, is rather inexpensive at $100, and would look great with my dress, the decorations, and the overall feel.
This particular maid who does not like the dress said the following, "I know you love it, but to be honest, I really don't. It looks like there is a doily around the waist (which is very you). But I have a really, really hard time spending $100 on a dress which I can't imagine ever wearing again. I don't mean to crush you, but that's what I've been thinking about it."
My question is...am I being unreasonable? If not, how should I approach this bridesmaid? And, do you think that this dress in the same blue (it looks a bit lighter and not as shiny in person) with brown cowboy boots? Thank you bees for bee-ing there to vent and figure out what to do!
First of all, I think that dress is adorable. Second, I think it fits very well with your idea/theme/location. And also, I think it's a fantastic price!
...am I being unreasonable? I don't think so. Don't people expect the bride to pick the dresses?
...how should I approach this bridesmaid? She brought up spending $100 on a dress she will never wear again. She is aware that...most BMs don't wear dresses again whether they love them or hate them, whether they spend $100 or $200, right? Also, another suggestion IF it's possibly in your budget, you could offer to pay for part of everyone's dresses or purchase the boots for them, etc, so they don't feel as if it's money wasted. Though, in my experience, most girls don't go into it expecting to love the dress or expecting to want to wear it over and over. Yeah, that sucks, but that's life.
And, do you think that this dress in the same blue (it looks a bit lighter and not as shiny in person) with brown cowboy boots? Yes! I think it would be absolutely adorable.
You will take pictures! These pictures will last a lifetime, show your children and grandchilren. They sound like fun but NO BOOTS!
@AmeliaBedelia: THIS!!
Honestly, OP, I spent over $250 on a HIDEOUS dress I will NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS wear again. Your dress is really pretty, and honestly, it COULD be worn to a cocktail party or wedding or something again. I've known bridesmaids to spend $400+ on a formal gown bm dress they absolutely will not wear again, but it's what they signed up for and agreed to when they agreed to be a bm. You know when you agree to be a bm that you're going to have to shell out cash for a dress, and I've never spent less than $200 on a bm dress, so I'd say they're getting out cheap!
It's your wedding, so you can choose whatever dress YOU want. Explain to your bm that this is the dress you've ultimately decided on, and if she'd like to remian in the bridal party, that this is what she'll be wearing. Be firm, yet kind. Explain that this is YOUR wedding and the only time YOU will get to do this, and this is what you want. If you were in her wedding, tell her that you did not raise any complaints with her decisions and happily bought and wore the dress she chose. If she has not gotten married yet (which may explain her response), tell her that you will wear whatever she chooses because you love her and want to stand beside her.
I wish you luck and pray I don't have troublesome bridesmaids. However, all of my girls are pretty laid back and know that it's my decision just like it was/will be theirs.
Oh and I LOVE the dress with the boots! :) Keep us updated!
Sorry, that dress with cowboy boots is no. This is coming from someone whose boots are a staple in her wardrobe. It is the wrong material and just would clash. If it was a cotton or softer fabric; then yes I would say go for it. But not this dress.
@bridetobe7844: I have to diagree with you. Maybe it's where I'm from, but bridesmaids here go into it knowing they may or may not like the dress and they know there's a good probability they will never wear it again. They do it because it's expected and because they love the bride. More of a "put up and shut up" type of mentality. It's very hard to take into account and please 6 different people (including the bride), and it honestly probably won't happen. To say she can't choose that dress because ONE bridesmaid doesn't like it is really unfair to the bride. It's HER day and HER dream, and the majority of the other bridesmaids already like it.
I am in a wedding and the bride gave us two options. The majority liked one option but the bride LOVED the other one, so what am I wearing? The other one! lol and I'm not complaining! I want her to be happy!
if you want boots really bad, incorporate then in your bridal shower or bachelorette party, but not the wedding.
No your not being unreasonable. I assume you are paying for everything else, hair and makeup etc? Your bms surely know they are expected to contribute something towards your big day even if its towards a dress that they dont like. And no bm actually wears their dress after the wedding do they? Lol. And like you said, its not hugely over priced and she can resell it afterwards? Probably at a loss but that really shouldnt be a problem. She is your bridesmaid after all, she must be a good friend and she should be feel honoured to be included in the bridal party.
AND she knows you like it and she cant expect to wear a different dress to the other girls because she doesnt like it. SO, if you're really set on this dress (which is cute!) and cannot see your wedding wthout it, I would explain to her that you really want that dress and it would mean a lot to you if she would purchase the dress. Also remind her that you are paying for makeup etc (if you are). i cant imagine your being a demanding bridezilla are you? haha.
As far as the boots go, I reckon with the lace around the middle it would look quite country and would tie in well if you were wearing them too. :-)
@SamanthaLovesJames: Why? Is that just your personal preference to not have boots in a wedding?
I think you should be able to pick whatever dress you want and your bm's argument is totally invalid. That being said I feel that the shiny, formal material of this particular dress does clash with cowboy boots.
Ok thank you so much ladies! I was just so flabergasted with this bridesmaid's response to me that I did not know how to respond! I still love the dress and will just have to explain to her the best I can. I have thought of buying the boots or part of the dress as part of the gift to my lovely ladies.
As for the boots, I most likely will order the dresses first and see how they are once they come in and then decide if boots would look good together or not.
Thank you so very much for helping ease my stress and feeling a bit better about trusting myself with what I had fallen in love with. Thanks bees! Ill keep you updated on this and post pics once we tie the knot!
And just to clarify...the fabric does look shiny in the picture but I had ordered a fabric sample from the company in this particular fabric and color and it is not shiny at all and is a bit lighter in the shade of blue! But we will see once the dresses get here about the boots! (I hope they work out!)
You can't please everyone in the bridal party when you want them all to match. I tried and failed. lol I kept looking until everyone either said they loved it or it was at least okay. If your set on this dress and 1 of the girls is not maybe you could ask her to pick out a similar dress she likes and have her stand closest to you? I've seen MOH's in different dresses stand next to the bride?
1) She can get over it. She's lucky you even asked what she wanted!
2) Coming from a bridesmaid that was asked to wear cowgirl boots: Are you supplying boots or telling them where to buy them? They can be really really difficult to find and sometimes expensive. I've never complained about an ugly BM dress (and trust me, I've worn some), but those boots were a pain in the ass. It's a really cute idea, just make sure you give them some guidance about where to find them!!
Your first mistake was asking them how they felt about it, so you actually didn't really want their opinions unless they agreed with you. Your one BM was being honest, and I think she did it in a nice way, but you weren't expecting it. Who knows if the others really DO like it or were just going along with you to not rock the boat.
It isn't unreasonable at all for the bride to choose the dress the BM's will wear, and even tho they've agreed to be a part of your wedding and incur the costs involved, they certainly don't have to like it. Most of us have some pretty awful dresses we've worn in weddings, and done so without question, so this new phenomena of trying to involve them and pick something that flatters everyone,yada,yada,yada seems to have created more problems than its actually helped.
I do agree that the boots would be a bad choice with that style of dress.
Hope you can work it all out!
I would probably buy whatever the bride told me to buy, but personally I would be a little miffed if I had to buy cowboy boots as well, which are not cheap. This may be a moot point if your bridesmaids already have them though.
I wouldn't let it bother you. It is your wedding, and BMs know going into it that they will spend a buttload of $$ on a possibly hideous dress that they will never wear again. They should however be thanking you because the dress you picked is NOT a buttload of $$ and is NOT hideous.
I didn't even ask my bridesmaids opinions to be honest. As harsh as it sounds, I liked the dress and wanted it in the wedding and didn't really care to know what others thought. I just picked out a dress that everyone said was within their price range, told them the info, sent them a picture and that was it. You can not please everyone, trust me. And you will drive yourself crazy if you try.
I fully intend on donning my not so cute BM dress for a friend;s wedding next year. She picked it out and even though it's not my cup of tea, I will not tell her otherwise because this is what she wants and this is HER wedding. Not mine. I will wear it happily (for just one day) with a huge smile on my face. I would wear a potato sack down the isle if the bride wanted me to. But, that's just me.
I like it and it's not her choice! My BMs all spent more than that and they'll most likely never wear their dress again, either.
If that's your pick, email her back and say
"Oh no! I do think these dresses will be absolutely perfect for my day, so I think I'm going to stick with them. I was going to buy everyone a bridesmaid gift, but if you would rather have the money I would have spent on that to go towards your dress, please let me know! Also, after the wedding, please consider donating the dress to _________________ and making someone else's day!"
(I'm in Chicago and we have a program called the Glass Slipper Project that takes donations for prom dresses. I bet something like this exists by you!)
But then, don't think another thing about it! It's YOUR day, YOUR choice, YOUR lifetime memories, so she can shut her mouth for one dang day and do what YOU want ;)
I ordered my bms dresses from lightinthebox as well and they look great with cowboy boots, which we will all be wearing! But like you, cowboy boots are a staple in mine as well as my bm's closets so we think everything looks great with boots lol. I think as long as its not as shiny as it looks in the pic you'll be fine. The lace is cute.
@louisianablue: I feel the same way. I'd buy anything the bride told me. But yeah, I'm in no way a country girl, so having to fork over money for most likely very expensive boots as well as a dress I'll never wear again would annoy me, but I'd do it because hey it's not my wedding.
I do agree that as long as the dress isn't that shiny, the boots would look fine. It is a cute dress. :)
I don't like the dress, sorry... I think a dress with cowboy boots should be a softer fabric, not a stiff shiny one... What about a chiffon dress or even cotton? I think the overall silouhette of the dress is great, but I don't like the fabric or that random weird lace pieces...
What about something like this instead (from jcrew):
@amhuelskamp: It might not look too shiny in person, but in pictures it might really look shiny (especially if there is a flash), which you want to watch out for. Just an FYI! :)
@amhuelskamp: Its difficult for several people to agree on the same fashion. I don't like the dress and I would never wear it with boots. It can be a difficult decision for people who may be tight on money to blow it on something they will never wear again when they can use the money for something they really need/want. I would suggest you offer to pay for the dress or you can tell her you love her but she does not have to be a bridesmaid and can support you in another way.
I dont like the dress BUT it is your wedding and should reflect you and your ideas. If you love the dress and boots then tell the bridesmaids she has no choice but to wear it. I didnt give my BMs a choice. I told them what dress to buy and that was the end of it. So if I was a BM in your wedding I would just wear the dress even thought I dont like it, as long as it isnt too expensive
I think the dress is really cute and if it is the dress you want, your bridemaid should happily wear it (whether it is what she would choose or not).
That said, I don't know that cowboy boots would go with that particular dress.
I personally don't care for the dress, but as PP said it is your wedding. However if you do go with that dress, please oh please do not do cowboy boots with it. Cowboy boots do not go with that dress at all.
I think you asked a question and got an honest (and not mean or rude) answer...Unfortunately, it wasn't what you wanted to hear...To be honest, I don't see how that dress really fits with a farm wedding and I'm not a fan of the lace part either...sorry! 
Why are there so many blank messages on this thread?
OP, I like it! I think she's just going to have to suck it up. That's kind of what being a BM is about. You're not there to get a dress you can wear to a million parties, you're there to wear the dress the bride picks out (within reason, and yours is reasonable) and be there to support her (you). Good luck with everything!
I'm not at all a fan of the dress myself. I like nothing about it, and I also can't see it with boots.
BUT! This is YOUR wedding, not mine and not your bridesmaids'. They'll wear whatever you ask them to, or they don't participate. That's kind of what you agree to when you sign up to be a bridesmaid.
I think the dress is lovely...it is ultimately your decision to make! It would be great if everyone agreed ... but if they agreed to be a BM, they also agreed to wear whatever you chose!
One of my bridesmaids despises the color pink, as in a deep hatred and loathing. My BM dresses were a bright poppy pink. Did she love it? No. Did she wear it? Yes. Why? Because she loves me and it wasn't her wedding. If you love the dress pick the dress and totally have the girls rock the cowboy boots.
Ultimately, it is not her choice. $100 is very reasonable, and you as the bride get to pick the dress. If she absolutely refuses to buy it, then she can refuse to be in the wedding.
My opinion, I dont think you are being unreasonable. I have purchased a few dresses for BM dresses, and honestly the bride always picked them. and they have all been about 160-180. So in my opinion its your day, you pick the dress.
On a second note, boots with the dress? eeeh not exactly with this material. If you REALLY wanted the boots for the entire event not just for a few photos I would choose a softer material. Maybe if all your girls have boots already just take a few pictures together in them.
@o0olibelulao0o: I LOVE this dress and think it would look much better with cowboy boots than the OP's dress. That said, OP, it is your wedding and if you love the dress you posted, than go for it! To be fair, you did ask your bridesmaids' opinions and you got an honest response, so I don't think that anybody is in the "wrong" here. I personally would choose the dress that belula posted over this one, since it's more of a blank slate/versatile and I could see someone wearing it on another occasion. If you are really a fan of the lace on your dress, maybe you could choose a plain blue dress in the same silhouette (like the jcrew one posted here) and add a belt to it? Just a thought.
Definitely agree with most of the PPs -- love the idea of cowboy boots and they'd work with the color, but not the particular fabric of that dress. I do love the lace, and if ONLY this dress were cotton or something softer it'd be perfect.
This article has a lot of really fantastic examples of bridesmaids dresses with cowboy boots - maybe you'll find some inspiration there?
As far as whether or not you're being unreasonable: I think no. I think you don't agree to be in someone's wedding if you can't suck it up re: how they want you to dress. If she doesn't want to spend money on a dress that's not her #1 choice, she probably should bow out and be a guest so she can buy a dress she does love.
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