Post # 1
My gf and I have been dating for 9 months and I’ve know she’s been checking out wedding stuff for about the past 4 months. We’ve even discussed her plans, once she got over her embarrasment. I’ve been ring shopping for a little more than a month (which she now knows). Now that I’ve found the ring (she doesn’t know), I’ve had a little more urgency about planning our engagement party (we agreed she gets the wedding of her dreams and I get the engagement party I want; can’t have 2 bridezillas). Anyway, the other day she asked when the engagement party would be because of my urgency in getting as much info for it as possible. I asked her when she thought it’d be and she said “I don’t know. Maybe 3 years”. 3 YEARS! Whhaaatttt? I told her the engagement party is happening 2014 and she looked so surprised, although very happy.
To her credit when we first started dating I never wanted marriage or kids; clearly that’s ALL changed. We know we want to be together forever so why not just do it. I know if it were up to her we would’ve been living together and probably married by now (she’s a bit of a u-hauler) but I don’t feel “rushed”. I also know people (family and maybe a few friends who have committment issues will say that we are rushing things but I plan to have a year engagement, so we’ll have been dating 2 years before we’re actually married. I don’t see why I should wait 2 more years to ask a question I’ve already determined will happen. Waiting longer would also mean I’d have to spend at least 3 more years listening to her change her wedding colors and guest list and I just can’t do that lol.
Post # 3
@uncltredpearl: Believe me, it was BETTER than she was expecting 🙂 Proud of you for figuring out what you wanted sooner than you (and she) was expecting.
Post # 4
@uncltredpearl: Yeah, I’d say her being happily surprised about your timeline is a good thing and not a bad thing.
Post # 5
Oh she is so excited! She probably said three years just to try not to scare you! Well done for being upfront.
Post # 6
I agree with Dogsbody92. The 3 years comment was to avoid rejection if she gave you a date that bothered you. Once guest lists and colors are being decided, the sooner the engagement the better in terms of her feeling loved and special to you.
Post # 7
Post # 8
If your timelines are different I would talk about it. Open communication is so important!
Post # 9
Post # 10
I’m so happy that you are excited – however, you’ve written a lot about your wedding, but I want to encourage you to take a step back and think about your marriage. Would waiting allow you to get to know each other better and thus strengthen your marriage? I would strongly encourage you to include premarital counciling – I found focusing on my marriage to be far more important than any other detail of wedding planning.
Post # 11
@uncltredpearl: Have you thought about having a serious timeline discussion with her? The only negative experience I had with my engagement was knowing I was going to marry this person, but having NO idea when the question would be popped. It added a lot of anxiety that could alleviated with a frank discussion so you’re both on the same page. I was getting a bit wedding crazy until my guy set out his ideal timeline.
On another note, she must have been THRILLED when her three years turned into just one 🙂
Post # 12
@uncltredpearl: I think its really good that you both have been so open and honest about marriage. And its a very good thing that you both have a timeline to work with now. I do, however, agree with @Polygon: You did discuss the engagement and wedding a lot, but you didn’t mention the actual marriage in your post. Its possible you’ve discussed that in other posts and I just didn’t see it, but it might be a good idea to do pre-marital counseling to work through any issues or bumps there might be (such as how you’ll handle money as a couple or how you plan to raise any potential children).
I won’t counsel you to wait longer to propose because every relationship is different and moves at different paces – if you’re both young or still in school or don’t have jobs then you may want to consider waiting until later in 2014 to get engaged though. Holding off until then could help you get to know one another better, would allow you both to save up a bit more money, and it might allow you time to find a place to live together.
Post # 13
@KoiKove: I’m 24, turning 25 in a couple months
@Polygon & @LoggerHead91207: We have discussed marriage in length. Where we’re going to live, handle finances , deal with our mothers and setting boundaries for them. I do feel like we know each other better than anyone else has ever. We’re also very honest what we like and dislike with each other and those little things to put just a little bit more effort into.
@letigre: we have talked about an engagement to marriage timeline but not anything serious. Now that her mother knows we’re ring shopping, we’ll have to do a serious month by month bc between her and her mom, she’ll be running around like a headless chicken lol
Post # 14
uncltredpearl: I think she said 3 Years just so she doesn’t want to put pressure on you – very sweet. If she’s been looking into wedding plans, she knows you’re the one also. I say get your Engagement Party planned first and then go for it when she’s not expecting it! Congrats in advance!
Post # 15
If you two have been discussing wedding plans and engagement party plans, I’m sure she won’t mind that it’s sooner. From her perspective, I could see her wanting to lessen the pressure of getting engaged/married in case you weren’t ready to propose yet. I’m excited for you!