Post # 1
So I was thinking, how many of you bees gave your guy a timeline and do you think he would have proposed without it?
So I gave diverboy a timeline last november, and HE decided that it would happen Aug. 2010. He actually did it in early Sept 2010 because August was a crazy month for both of us. We were talking and I honestly don’t think he would have proposed at the time he did unless he had that timeline. I truly believe I would still be waiting right now if I had not put my foot down. I mean I know propsosing was in the works, it’s not like he proposed against his will but I think he would have taken his sweet time.
How about you ladies?
Post # 3
I didn’t give him a timeline and it worked out for me, but I was not at the place in the relationship where I needed it happen or I would have to re-evaluate. We were in a good place and quite honestly, even though I knew he was thinking about it, I was not expecting it until closer to the end of this year (Sept to Dec), instead of the end of April. I got lucky, I guess, and did not have to spend a long time waiting like many ladies do.
I am sending happy thoughts to our ladies-in-waiting! I hope it happens for you soon!
Post # 4
I’m not sure if I actually gave my FI a timeline. I told him how long I needed to plan a wedding (which I ended up shortening by 4 months) and we both had the same idea of when we wanted to be married so he worked backwards from there. I never actually said “I want to be engaged by such and such date.” I definately let him know when I began officially “waiting” though!
Post # 5
I didn’t give my guy a timeline, we were always on the same page about whether or not to get married and when.
Post # 6
He gave ME a fake timeline (Feb 2010) so that he could completely surprise me in Sept. 2009 with a proposal since I wouldn’t be expecting anything yet! No timeline/ultimatums needed for my DH!
Although really, even if he’d never said anything about his fake timeline, I’d have never needed to say anything because we were on the same page with where the relationship was, where it was heading, and how quickly it was heading there.
Post # 7
Hmmm… I can’t say we had a time line but we have seen other friends of ours date for years and never get married. (One of our closest friends have been dating for 10 years and they still aren’t even engaged) So we sort of set a LIMIT on to how late we would get engaged but no timeline. I like it better that way!
Post # 8
I didn’t give my husband a timeline, but I did let him know that I felt it was time. That was probably in November. He told me that we were on the same page and he would do it when “the time was right.” He proposed on New Year’s Eve.
Post # 9
Well, in the past, the time line didnt work. It came and went and years passed by. I eventually ended it. I asked him what was going on in his head after so long, and he said he was waiting to make sure. Umm.. if 6-7 years wasn’t long enough to be sure, would he ever be?
With FI, I didn’t give him a timeline, we just discussed it, goals, future… a little nudging cause we wanted to buy a house and he knew my stance on that, and he did it.
Post # 10
I didn’t give him a timeline….really. He wants more children and I told him I was not having anymore children until I was married and I was not having any children after the age of 32. That basically gave him five years. I also told him I wanted an engagement more than 12 months.
Post # 11
I gave my guy a timeline and when it came we broke up! That’s right we broke up. I was going on dates and having fun with other people and then WHAM! he came proposing completely out of the blue! that was in July and we are getting married this December.
Post # 12
@notevenclose: Really? I burst into laughter when I read that. Good that it worked for you.
Post # 13
You GIVING him a timeline makes it sound like an ultimatum. I think it should be a *mutually agreed upon* timeline. It’s a two-way street, this relationship business. Not the girl demanding a ring by a deadline.
Post # 14
I gave DH a timeline and he admits openly that we would not even be engaged right now if I hadn’t done that. It’s not that he never wanted to get married, he just never would have considered or thought about it at all if I hadn’t put my foot down. He thanks me too, for being so persistant about it, as much as he complained at the time.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a timeline or deadline as long as you REALLY mean it. What I mean is, first of all be certain and have reasons for actually wanting to get married and why it’s important. Second, the timeline shouldn’t be arbitrary, think about it in real terms like “This is how long I’d be willing to date someone before leaving them because we would never get married”. or “This is the age I need to be married for personal reasons”.
Post # 15
Ummm, I’m pretty sure I was the one given the timeline 🙂 The FI was very forward about getting married and that’s what he wanted. Had he not proposed still to this day, I doubt I would be pushing him for one.
Post # 16
i didn’t really give a timeline so much, but i told him i didn’t want to live with him until we were engaged. however, our leases were both up and it was either move in together or wait another year to move in together. so i said i would (and we did) and i * reminded * him about my “rule”. Two months after we moved in together, we got engaged…in our first apartment.