Post # 1
So I see a LOT of posts about how offended people get when someone (either someone they know, or a stranger) has a negative reaction to their ring, or their dress, etc.
Here’s the problem for me. I am physically incapable of hiding my true reactions to things. I’ve tried… My whole life, I’ve tried. Seeing someone’s hurt face when I open a gift from them and awkwardly grimace/fake pseudo-smile is AWFUL, and HEARTBREAKING.
I know they put thought into it, and hoped I’d love it, and I know that if I could just put on a happy face they’d be ecstatic. But I can’t do it. I’m a terrible liar and my face always betrays me.
So, over the years I’ve just learned that instead of saying sickly sweet lies when my facial expression is OBVIOUSLY showing the opposite, I should just be brutally honest but then hopefully ease the pain with a genuine positive sentiment.
Example: someone shows me their 3-row pave shank, triple halo marquise and side hearts diamond engagement ring, and asks what I think. Instead of looking like I want to throw up but saying “oh it’s so beautiful and classy!” (because I’m obviously being very fake in that instance), I will say something like “It’s not quite my taste, but I’m so unbelievably happy for you and your groom, and I can tell he put a lot of thought into the ring. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together!”
According to a lot of bees, this makes me a total jealous bitch who should just suck it up and lie… But I CAN’T, and to be honest, life has worked out really well for me because of it. I’ve never had someone in real life get pissed off at me for my honesty, because I think they can tell that the kind things I say are GENUINE, and they truly believe me because they know that if something wasn’t true, I wouldn’t say it.
Would you bees hate to be around me? Or appreciate that everything I say is true?
Post # 3
I like when people are honest. Two-faced people are pretty low on my totem pole of respect!
Obviously if you didn’t like something and went on an offensive rant, it would be different, but I’m sure you contain that! 🙂
Post # 4
While honesty is always the best policy, sometimes if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all.
It also depends on the situation… for example- if I show you something that I’m excited about and not asking your opinion, then I’m not open to hearing your negative reaction. On the other hand, if we’re girlfriends and I need help picking a figure-flattering dress and the one I try on makes it look like a can of biscuits popped and oozed out of the sides, then yes, please tell me because I’m looking for input.
Post # 5
I think if you cut out the “it’s not my taste” bit, it may be generally better received? They’re not asking you for an opinion, after all, so you don’t really need one. Just skip straight to the “I’m so happy for you” part. 😛
Post # 6
@abbie017: HAHA yes, I try to contain my vicious attacks 😉
Post # 7
I really get where you’re coming from, but if (in the example) she looked at my face, she would KNOW my real feelings. I would never want her to think that my vomit-face is because of something more important – like my opinion of her or of her groom! And when I don’t explain, then how would she ever know what was causing my reaction?
Post # 8
I’m not going to lie – I would probably be sad if you said that to me about my ring! lol, I would much rather you completely ignore my ring, don’t comment on it at all and just say how happy you are that I am engaged. And quickly move on – ask about setting a date/how did he propose/etc.
Post # 9
@Sea_Ashley: Aw 🙁 see the problem is that I’m a huge softie and even reading that made me sad! Lol! I really never ever say things to hurt people, but I spent a lot of years when I was younger being called fake, so at some point I decided being real, from a kind place, was more important than *trying* (and failing) to be dishonestly sweet.
Post # 10
I think as long as you’re not saying – that’s the ugliest ring I’ve ever seen, but SOOOO happy for you – you’re good.
There are ways to be honest, without being TOOO honest – I wouldn’t hate you 🙂
Post # 11
I just had to laugh, because one of my good friends is like this. She says she has a “glass face” – since you can always see exactly what she’s thinking. LOL!
Post # 12
If someone just showed you their ring, in-person, and didn’t ask for your opinion but showed you their ring would you still say “it’s not to my taste?” because I think that’s kind of rude….nobody asked you about your taste.
But I wouldn’t really care if someone said that to me.
I don’t care about honesty but there’s a fine line of being blunt/honest and voicing their opinions when nobody asks or cares.
Post # 13
I don’t think this has much to do with honesty. It has more to do with common courtesy and manners. I think you cloak it as a honesty issue to make yourself feel better about your bad behavior.
It’s also not about affirming everyone’s life choices. It’s about being kind to other people.
Post # 14
@KMoon5314: YES! My best friend finds it hilarious, because if we’re in a group setting and someone says something that’s horribly ignorant, or just really strange, I literally have to turn away and hide my face. Hilarious for her, very awkward for me!
Post # 15
@skippydarling: I agree that you should never volunteer a negative opinion that isn’t asked for, and would never do that! I edited my original post to expressly say my opinion was asked for in the example.
Post # 16
@DaneLady: I agree with you completely. If you can’t find a constructive way of saying you don’t like or really don’t understand a object/concept then ask instead of saying that is rude or tacky or what not