Post # 1
…my friends comment that they would *never* do things the way I do for a wedding.
Saying stuff like “After going through your wedding, my cousins, and Erica’s, I know I’m definitely not ging to do a big wedding…court wedding for me” or “Weddings are such a huge waste of money” does NOT make me feel good.
I know that every bride is different. But I can’t help but feel a tiny bit “ugh” when they say stuff like that in front of me! I’m having a alot of fun planning my wedding, and I think I’ve done a really good job so far of avoiding the Bridezilla title!
Anyone else feel this way?
Post # 3
I think most girls say things like this because they are jealous.
The next time someone says something like that you tell them well we could afford to have a big wedding and we wanted everyone we loved and that loved us to share in our big day. I am sure that will shut them up!
Post # 4
Yeah it is annoying! I keep hearing people say, “I can’t believe how much people spend on weddings!” Not that we are spending a lot, but it makes me not want to talk about my wedding plans when people are so negative about it!!
Post # 5
Yeah, I mentioned the other day at work that the average price for a wedding was like, 22k and my coworkers were APPALLED!!! I kinda looked at them like “what? You think weddings are free?”… they all had super small weddings about 20 years ago or even SMALLER ones recently, so they don’t really understand what all goes into a wedding with 100 people at it! I know my parents will probably give me a budget of 40k, most of which we’ll rollover into a downpayment for a house and/or living expenses when we move to a new city and I’m still looking for a job.
Post # 6
Ugh – that’s obnoxious.
I went over to a couples house for dinner like 3 weeks before my wedding. It was a couple who decided just not to ever do the marriage thing, they’ve been dating for like 9 years and they’ll just always stay together. Fine. But then when it keeps coming up that weddings are such a waste of money and they’re so glad not to be having to do it and why did we decide to waste money, aren’t we lucky to have that kind of money to throw around – there’s only so many times you can just smile and brush it off (especially when they’re co-workers so they make the same as us). Well, I guess I did brush it off the whole time but I had stopped myself from really getting irritated until like the 10th time it was said.
Post # 7
@OfficeBride….I don’t think it’s jealousy, but it’s definitely not something your friends should probably be saying out loud.
From going to a number of weddings, my FI and I determined that we didn’t want a big wedding. It wasn’t a jealousy or a financial thing (our DW for 2 costs the same as the avg wedding in my area). We are not really social people and the thought of entertaining 300 guests (which is what it would have needed to be in order to accomodate close family and friends) was enough to turn us off of the idea of weddings.
Since the people making the comments are your friends, you should be able to bluntly tell them that it upsets you when they make those types of comments and they can make whatever wedding arrangements they feel would suit them when it’s THEIR time…just as you are doing with YOUR wedding.
Post # 8
Grr…. nothing makes me more upset than someone else pushing their ideal on what your wedding should be.
So you decide to spend 25,000 more than them on a wedding, frankly it’s none of hteir business. Maybe they spend $5,000 a year going out to eat, or getting their hair done, or something else you wouldn’t spend $ on. You wouldn’t chastise them.
I’m more than fine with someone saying, “this isn’t how I’m going to do my wedding” what I’m not okay with is “this is not how I”m going to do my wedding, and you’re stupid to be doing it this way.”
Post # 9
I think there could be lots of reasons someone says stuff like that. They could be jealous because they don’t have a man. Or they could be jealous because (man or not) they don’t have as much money to spend on a wedding. Or maybe they really feel that a big wedding is too much hassle and money. Maybe they don’t realize they are being insensitive. (I’m convinced one of my friends is completely oblivious to some of the things she says. It’s amazing!) But it just hurts because you can feel like they are being judgy. You are being shallow for spending money the way you do. Or you feel like they’re expressing they didn’t have a good time. (I had a relative go on about how she didn’t like my Dj, because he played an inapropriate song. I’m like what song? So I pretty much figured out she had misinterpretted one song’s lyrics -and made sure to show her the video to prove it. I just din’t want people thinking bad things about my wedding.)
If you can ignore them try to do that. If people keep hounding you, just say you spent your money the way you wanted to, to create the memories that were important to you on the most important day of your life. And really why is how you are living your life is so important for them to discuss so often?
Post # 10
I was at a dinner party a week after becoming engaged where the main subject of conversation was the “ridiculous” amount of money spent on engagement rings. “Any more than $200 and I’d tell him ‘no’!” “It’s a complete waste of money!” “It’s patriarchcal and sexist!” All the while I’m sitting there with my brand new engagement ring that started the whole conversation in the first place.
Post # 11
@cheerful: that sounds awful and awkward! people are so clueless sometimes
Post # 12
I once had a coworker say to me while she was asking about our wedding, “I think anything over $5,000 on a wedding is ridiculous!” Then she proceeded to ask how much I was spending on our wedding, and since it was a LOT more than $5,000 I just said we hadn’t narrowed down a budget yet.
Post # 13
They’re probably just jealous because they can’t afford what you’re doing, or they don’t have the skills to plan such a huge event. I have friends that give me the same crap. Actually, one of my bridesmaids said “I would never want to go through what you’re going through, it’s not worth it, so I’m doing the Vegas route.” I know for a fact that she can’t afford to have a traditional wedding like mine, so this is her way of making herself feel better, which is fine, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. Just brush off these comments and enjoy your planning 🙂
Post # 14
yeaa so what jealous is the right word.. lol Even if your wedding was 10 people at pizza hut.. not that i would do that , but atleast you have your partner behind you 100% no matter how much or little you spend i think it all comes down to jealousy & the fact they are not going to get the attention that you will be getting ..
Post # 15
To each their own. I just want to pipe in and say that it’s not always jealousy – it’s just people have different ideas of their own perfect wedding, or how they want to spend their money, or yeah, sometimes, it’s flat out jealousy. Just not always. They should learn to be more sensitive and not judge others, though!
Maybe you feel the “ugh” because it would be more fun/less icky if they were supportive! Especially coming from friends! That’s probably stating the obvious, I know. 🙂
Post # 16
That is annoying. They can’t even say something nice about your wedding and then just say that they want something different? At my wedding, this one friend was talking about how mine compared to hers which was equally annoying!