(Closed) I get knocked down…

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) the distance between the two of you must be incredibly different to bear.  i think you should definitely try to go to counseling or something like that. i also think he needed to be there for you but perhaps his way of being there was telling you to go on with your life because your stepgrandmom would have want you too… i don’t think you should make any decisions on your marriage right now because you are grieving and dealing with the loss of your grandmother.  there are a bunch of other ladies on the board way smarter than me and i’m sure they will give you brilliant advice.

Post # 4
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m sorry about your Grandma and your current situation.  I totally understand why you are hurt.  I think I would almost certainly have left work as well if given the choice at that time. 

You and your husband have been together a long time.  This seems to me like something you should work through.  Please don’t let it get you guys. 

I am also in a long distance relationship, so I understand the stress it puts on a relationship.  That stress can rear its ugly head in unexpected ways at the worst times. My advice would be to recognize that this is stress.  It’s not a character flaw in either of you.  You disagree because you are coming from different perspectives on this one. 

It’s stress.  It’s not lack of love.  It’s nothing that can’t be overcome.  Just talk it out.  It will get better.

Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m sorry for your loss and the added stress you’ve got on your new marriage. I hope that things will be better once you two are closer. I know that sometimes it’s hard to understand from the outside how close you are to another person (you are closer to your step-grandmother than another person is to their grandma).

I am surprised that after 8 years with your husband he doesn’t take that relationship seriously, and that would upset me too. It might just be that he’s worried about the money you’re not making or even jealous that he’s working and you’re taking a week off. I’m not saying that’s right, but that might be how he’s feeling.

I know sometimes it’s easier to give the tough advice from the outside … what I would do is to tell him that this is a really tough, draining time for me and I need to be with my family. Just leave it at that. If you’re not getting the support you need from him, don’t call him on it, just try to relax (as hard as it is) and talk this out in person.

Post # 6
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Holy wow bluejay!

First off, I’m SO sorry about your grandmother.

But I have to say I’m a bit baffled by your husband’s behavior. You had a tragedy in the family and wanted to be there for them… who wouldn’t?!? I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of other things, and so soon after your wedding. I’m horrible with advice (I leave that the rest of the girls on here) but I just want to give you a hug. 🙁

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry about your grams. The distance is hard and can be very stressful–we are married and live apart, too. It’s definitely not deal.

Maybe your husband doesn’t know what to do. It’s very difficult to deal with someone who’s just undergone what you have. I learned this firsthand and I continue to every year. I will say it does not excuse the behavior or make it ok or more manageable just b/c you know why. Go be with your family, be there for your dad, grieve for your grams, and when you come home, tell your husband that you’re upset he can’t be sympathetic and that he’s accusing you of this. I really can’t get over that. It’s not like you had a sniffle and tried to get out of work. Your heart is heavy.

And, even if he says he would have done things differently, it’s impossible to say what you’ll really, truly do, until you are in that boat yourself, so he has no room to judge or point fingers in my opinion.

Big hugs. Take care of yourself and your family now and deal with your husband when you get home. I’m sure he’ll come to his senses, that he doesn’t really realize what he has said and how his behavior has hurt you. I really hope so.

Post # 8
Member
7309 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

He said your’re not the person he thought you were… because you took time off to grieve for a family member?  If I were you I wouldn’t be sad I’d be angry.

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