I got a timeline –better?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

I don’t understand how people aren’t engaged and are planning weddings? If he’s not ready to propose, how will he know he’s going to be ready next summer to get married? Genuinely interested, not trying to be snide.

Or did he just propose without a ring so you dont consider it official?

Post # 3
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Iheartmyairman:  If you are planning a wedding, you’re engaged, you just don’t have a ring yet. There are others on these boards in a similar situation to you. There is a lot of pressure on men these days (I blame social media) to outdo eachother with proposals and rings. He’s probably just making sure that your proposal will be spectacular. It sounds like he’s already agreed to marry you, so I wouldn’t be worried. With my FI and I, we had a discussion in the car one day and decided to get married. We were engaged at that point, once my ring came in he officially asked me to marry him, out of tradition I suppose.

Post # 4
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

What made you guys come to the decision to plan a wedding (in the very near future, nonetheless) without being actually engaged?

Post # 5
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

SithLady:  They’re engaged when THEY consider themselves engaged. It’s rude to tell her she’s already engaged when a proposal is clearly an important step to her. People can plan these things without being engaged because the decision is up to them, not what other strangers consider them as.

Anyway, OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way *hugs* Please try to take a step back, 1-2 months isn’t very long, the time will especially fly by with the holidays and maybe he just wants to get that out of the way first before he can focus on properly asking you. He clearly wants to be married to you, so try to relax! You’re well on your way where you want to be, he IS on board with since it seems like you’re planning this wedding together, so it sounds like he simply needs a little time to get things together so he can propose how he wants to. I’m with you though, my SO and I have been discussiong marriage (VERY in depth), and he hasn’t proposed yet even though I know he has the ring. It’s unbelievably irritating when strangers try to tell me I’m already engaged, like they have the right to make such a personal decision for me, but I try to focus on wedding planning and knowing I have the love of my life with me, as do you, and he will certainly come around in due time.

 

Post # 7
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m in a similar boat, but (for the most part) have been able to keep my cool.  My SO and I went to get my ring size back in March.  I knew my SO would have to go through some trouble to get the kind of ring I wanted, but I accepted that.  I guess I never knew just HOW much trouble it is!  We discussed the season/year we wanted to get married in May.  By June, his mom was introducing me as his fiancee to everyone.  By August, we discussed all the hypotheticals of our future wedding, made a guest list, and my stepson told me that his dad has one of the rings and he’s waiting for the other one. By beginning of September, we had a venue and exact date in mind (9/19/15).  You can imagine, by the one year mark, I had a breakdown.  I said, “I don’t see the point in waiting another month.”  He replied, “I agree.” (Still waiting!)  Early October, we booked the venue… we also went to his friend’s wedding where EVERYONE (including the bride and groom) were asking us about what we’re doing for our wedding and exactly when it’s going to be (SO spilled the beans at a bachelor party).  We’ve now also booked the photographer, room blocks, ordered (and received) save-the-dates, and we’re now working on booking a florist….  The goal was to send the save the dates in November.  I’m at my wits end right now, trying to keep my cool.  I get a lingering sadness lately, but I won’t talk to him about it because I KNOW it’s coming.  I’ve already waited so long, I can wait a bit more… plus, it’s so important to him that I give him his moment!

I hope that offers some peace of mind.  You booked the wedding.  It’s coming 🙂 At this point, the proposal is for him to show you what he’s got 😉  You have nothing to lose.

Post # 9
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

So I’m confused… you have a wedding planned and he hasn’t ask you to marry him yet?  If this is the case, and he’s not ready then why is a wedding planned?

Post # 10
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I genuinely don’t understand why you two are doing things backwards. Why book a venue and have your family know you’re getting married when you’re not even officially engaged?

Unless there are extenuating circumstances I don’t understand why you’re willingly putting the horse before the cart and then getting upset about it.  

Post # 11
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

memorieslff:  It’s an agreement.  Why does one person have to formally ask the other?  If you openly talk about your wedding, it can turn into openly planning it.

ETA: Venues also book up quickly.  We agreed on a date before he proposed, and if we didn’t book it when we did (prior to the proposal), we would have likely had to have our wedding in a different geographic location (since any later it gets cold) or the following year.  Her wedding is in June!  If they wanted it in June 2015, most venues would have been booked up for Saturdays by this previous summer…

Post # 12
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Iheartmyairman:  My FI and I knew we wanted to marry each other, and since venues/caterers/photographers were booking 14-18 months out, we booked our venue and photographer before we got were officially engaged (and we didn’t tell anyone we were planning a wedding until I received a ring – that point alone gave him a nudge to propose because he wants all our friends and family there).

After we went ring WINDOW shopping, it was almost another 6 months before he proposed. And he did it in a very sweet, well-thought out way. I didn’t mind waiting for it – they day was very special for us (and the gopro got some pretty good pictures of him getting down on one knee!) I would have said yes, even if he proposed with a teddy bear. 

Post # 13
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

Iheartmyairman:  Well in that case I’d have to say that he’s already made the decision to spend the rest of his life with you, which is the most important part!  He is probably just trying to surprise you and make the proposal spectacular. 

I’m in waiting mode because he has said we will be married within the next year, but doesn’t want to propose quite yet.  After much prodding, he said the reason he hasn’t yet is because he wants it to be special and a surprise and it’s hard to do that when I’m expecting it.  So, I’ve taken to shutting up about it in hopes it comes faster, lol.

Post # 14
Member
3349 posts
Sugar bee

Iheartmyairman:  If you have a date set, I can presume you agreed to marry each other?

Congrats, you’re engaged.

Post # 15
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

damarajade:  No need to be defensive.  I was genuinely curious because he said he “wasn’t ready yet” and usually people that reach an agreement are both “ready”.

And, obviously, she wants to be formally asked.

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